Depression

[Yorick]

Today was first enduro for about 7 or 8 weeks so was a bit unfit and nervous. But felt OK riding to the meet point 15 mins away.

Soon as we set off I realised that we were heading to a really tricky bit that I hate.

It’s riding over lava and you need to just go for it. Can’t bugger about as you'll stall and fall off as often no foot holds. Too many gaps.

I’ve done it about 10 times and feels amazing when you get it right. But if you toppled over, you would hurt yourself. That lava is not forgiving

The lads know there are a few bits near big drops that I don’t like, but not mentioned this one. As we got nearer I could feel myself getting worked up and tensing up and my arms were aching.

It had rained and looked slippy and I’d only done about 5 yards when I froze. Boiling inside. I got off the bike and pushed it for 50 or 60 yards.

Normally 10 or 15 seconds but took me a few minutes. The lads waited patiently. I explained and they were cool.

They pointed to a big fun climb and that cheered me up. It’s technical but I calmed down a lot and felt chuffed when we got to the top of the volcano. Had a coffee a bit later and I talked more about how my head goes iffy. They always let me talk as it calms me down.

Next 3 hours were amazing and I even led the last half hour. I didn’t slow them down which felt good

Gonna add this bit to the other scary bits to avoid, so I don’t go into meltdown.

I now see that it was my anxiety kicking in, but can also see my actions made it go away quickly. I've learned a bit more today

[slowsider]

You need to get a bit of culture in your life..
https://www.theguardian.com/world/2022/ ... at-anxiety

[Noggin]

I've posted before that riding again made me so happy and reduced/removed the sort of depression I'd had (more miseries and hormonal than 'actual' depression)

For the first few weeks that was certainly true. The last 3 weeks or so I've known I was slipping again but not why.

I also knew that I was annoyed that riding the bike still hurt my arm a lot - I'd expected it to get easier each time I rode, but it didn't; in fact recently it was getting worse. I also knew I wasn't riding as relaxed, despite 're-finding' some of the 'automatic' techniques I used to use. So the more it hurt, the less relaxed and the more pissy I got and then more miserable


Last week a friend helped me rent a car for a month (not loads of money but the deposit was ridiculous ). He took me to collect it on Monday and I take it back the day that I start cat sitting - for that I get the use of their car, so that's a bonus!! So I'm now 'car'd up' until I start work mid November


Anyway, since Monday I've been slowly doing loads of things that I have either lost interest in, been putting off (simple things like making appointments with medical peeps/doing paperwork), I've started walking each day again and even been tidying up/sorting out and cooking (haven't eaten particularly well for a few weeks).


I am half relieved that I feel better but also a bit peeved that the one thing that normally makes me happy was also causing stress. It's cool to find out what was going on in my head. Great that I managed to work it out before I was 'forced' to abandon the bike by the weather.

Luckily, because it's the interseason, I'm seeing the physio that is kinder on the mental side!! When I talked to him he asked if I was giving up altogether and my response was - "hell no, I'll just keep trying bikes until I find one that doesn't hurt - or convert one to left hand throttle so I use my right arm a bit less". At that he grinned widely and said he was pleased Made me feel a bit better that he said that too because it's hard when physios are negative about the sports/passions you love!



Not sure what this will do for anyone else, but it's been an 'interesting' few weeks of starting back down the rabbit hole and not knowing why; only to work out that it was my biggest passion that was causing it has been, well, confusing! Just pleased and lucky to have good people around me that have been kind and positive to me about this

[Ant]

I was talking to a friend of mine who I think knows he is suffering but isn't sure why. It's strange as on the outside, he's successful, owns a few properties, has a very well paying job, has lots of things going on - but inside he feels stuck, as if there's something he can't cope with. He's one of these guys who likes to do things himself, such as renovations at home, usually he'd be working on it all day every day he can, but now he struggles, does a bit here, does a bit there. I asked him why is it taking so long, usually you fire through it, he said 'I can't face it right now'. It didn't hit me right away what might be going on with him. We don't really know what's happened or happening.

[Trinity765]

I have a twin brother and when we were in our 20s he has a phase of panic attacks. I asked him what he was afraid of and he said "Fear". It was a simple answer that explained a lot.

[Noggin]

I was talking to a friend of mine who I think knows he is suffering but isn't sure why. It's strange as on the outside, he's successful, owns a few properties, has a very well paying job, has lots of things going on - but inside he feels stuck, as if there's something he can't cope with. He's one of these guys who likes to do things himself, such as renovations at home, usually he'd be working on it all day every day he can, but now he struggles, does a bit here, does a bit there. I asked him why is it taking so long, usually you fire through it, he said 'I can't face it right now'. It didn't hit me right away what might be going on with him. We don't really know what's happened or happening.

Quite often the 'reason' isn't obvious to anyone including the person going through it. It's tough because if there's no obvious reason, there is no obvious solution. There is a problem. But how do you fix a problem if you don't know why there is/what is the problem

Good luck to you friend to find out and work it out

[Scud]

Not sure why I’m posting here, maybe because it’s relatively anonymous??

Anyway, I’ve suffered for years and at this moment the darkness has well and truely engulfed me, complete loss of motivation and enthusiasm for anything.
I’ll be honest, I feel very lonely and alone, at this moment I’m not sure where my life is going. I’ve always felt that I’ve under achieved, a feeling well and truely re-enforced by my parents.
I’m sorry to burden this here, but I think I just needed to get my feelings out and don’t feel I really have anyone I can speak to at present.

I don’t think I’m really looking for responses, so please dont feel you have to

I am possibly the worst person possible to hand out any "advice" but from my experience "advice" is the last thing you need. You just need to unload.

If you're anywhere near me (W. London), pop over one day/evening. I can offer bonfire and chat. We can swap stories.

I know exactly where you're coming from (if not even approximately where you actually are....)

Thanks for the offer, I’m rural lincolnshire and don’t ever envisage visiting ever again (hopefully!!)

I have read you thread, I sat and thought about what to comment and decided I really don’t have advice worth giving other than hang in there mate.

If you ever find yourself north of Peterborough please do shout, you’re welcome for some crazy dog/horse therapy, or just a cuppa and a chat

Stay safe

[Wscad]

I think this thread needs to keep going. There is a almighty shitstorm coming and we need keep talking

[Taipan]

I think this thread needs to keep going. There is a almighty shitstorm coming and we need keep talking

Agreed. @weeksy can this be a sticky?

[Noggin]

I think this thread needs to keep going. There is a almighty shitstorm coming and we need keep talking

I think this thread needs to keep going. There is a almighty shitstorm coming and we need keep talking

Agreed. @weeksy can this be a sticky?

What they said. Even just after the last 2.5 years, I think there is more that has affected people than many realise

[Wscad]

Well if it’s ok with the boss, I’ll try and keep this thread going. Yesterday I sat outside and a robin flew in and sat a couple of feet from me. Made my day. Pics to follow

[weeksy]

Well if it’s ok with the boss, I’ll try and keep this thread going. Yesterday I sat outside and a robin flew in and sat a couple of feet from me. Made my day. Pics to follow

Of course it's ok. People need to talk and this thread helps.

If anyone has issues with thread being the 'discussion' thread rather than the specific thread it started out as, please PM me with your thoughts and we'll address it in whatever way needed.

[Skub]

Well if it’s ok with the boss, I’ll try and keep this thread going. Yesterday I sat outside and a robin flew in and sat a couple of feet from me. Made my day. Pics to follow

A while back we put up bird feeders in the back garden,Robins don't bother much with them. Being of the thrush family they prefer to get their food from the ground.
What the Robin has noticed is me topping up the feeders,so identifys me as a source of food. As soon as I sit down outside,he'll appear close by and stare pointedly until I fetch a handful of mealworms and throw it down for him.

Robins are very brave little birds,so it wouldn't be difficult to get one feeding from your hand,if you so desired.

[Taipan]

Lady at work told me Robins are easy to get them to trust you. Put mealworms next to you, then when they come in for them regularly, put them on your knee and eventually they'll take them from your hand. She did say they sulk if you go away on holiday and you have to rebuild the relationship lol!

[tricol]

I've been all over the place since moving into the new place on Friday. Can't figure out what it is exactly, the unknowns on running the new house, only getting my first mortgage at the ripe age of 39, and the turmoil that seems to keep unfolding in front of us all. We deserve a period of stability after the pandemic, and now the war and energy crisis.

Tempted to try CBD oil to help take the edge off.

[Greenman]

I've been all over the place since moving into the new place on Friday. Can't figure out what it is exactly, the unknowns on running the new house, only getting my first mortgage at the ripe age of 39, and the turmoil that seems to keep unfolding in front of us all. We deserve a period of stability after the pandemic, and now the war and energy crisis.

Tempted to try CBD oil to help take the edge off.

Fuck CBD get some proper edibles from these guys, they are really good. The gummies are really good from them, get the imported refresher ones.

naturalhealthoil.co.uk

[asmethurst99]

I think this thread needs to keep going. There is a almighty shitstorm coming and we need keep talking

I think this thread needs to keep going. There is a almighty shitstorm coming and we need keep talking

Agreed. @weeksy can this be a sticky?

What they said. Even just after the last 2.5 years, I think there is more that has affected people than many realise

The last 2 years haven't done my 17 yr old any good - I've nothing to add apart from tea and sympathy-

[Noggin]

I think this thread needs to keep going. There is a almighty shitstorm coming and we need keep talking

Agreed. @weeksy can this be a sticky?

What they said. Even just after the last 2.5 years, I think there is more that has affected people than many realise

The last 2 years haven't done my 17 yr old any good - I've nothing to add apart from tea and sympathy-

Just knowing that someone is willing to offer tea, sympathy and a listening ear is often the biggest thing. Other people can't solve depression for us (maybe professionals can, I haven't had a lot of luck along those lines) but if we have people around that we can talk to or just sit with, that is huge and can help us on the way - IME

For me, the biggest help I had in a really low point was a friend from the other place writing to me to tell me to call if I needed. She said "you don't have to talk. I'll listen if you do, but I'll also listen if you are sitting at the other end making snotty crying noises. I'll be here if you need to call"

The reason I never needed to call her? Because just knowing she was there if I did need her gave me some sort of strength to be able to carry on and try and sort myself out to find a balance. I do still know that if I call, she'll still listen. And I've held on to that for about ten years!!

Same with having someone to go and actually talk to face to face, or have a cuppa with; someone non judgemental who'll listen (and also maybe be quite straight talking too, everyone is different) - I only found that over here in the last year or so and didn't realise how much I missed it and hadn't realised how important it is

Hope your 17 year old comes through positively soon xx

[asmethurst99]

Thanks Noggin we will get there .

[Trinity765]

Today is the second day that I've come home and cried after no tears for a month. We put my Mum's house on the market on Thursday and we've had two viewings today and two tomorrow. It seems to have happened very quickly and I didn't know it would hit me like this. I remember her moving in like it was yesterday, nearly 30 years ago. It was a new start for her. She was very creative and did a lot of the handy work. Every inch of it is her, the walls, the curtains, the lampshades, the colours, the pictures and the ornaments. I remember her dreams, her ideas and how happy she was.

And to add onto that every headline seems to be about mortgages and house prices - there's no escape.

I'm ok - I just wanted to voice it and I don't want to tell my family that I'm finding it hard.