Depression

[Scud]

Not sure why I’m posting here, maybe because it’s relatively anonymous??

Anyway, I’ve suffered for years and at this moment the darkness has well and truely engulfed me, complete loss of motivation and enthusiasm for anything.
I’ll be honest, I feel very lonely and alone, at this moment I’m not sure where my life is going. I’ve always felt that I’ve under achieved, a feeling well and truely re-enforced by my parents.
I’m sorry to burden this here, but I think I just needed to get my feelings out and don’t feel I really have anyone I can speak to at present.

I don’t think I’m really looking for responses, so please dont feel you have to

[Ant]

The best thing to do is this, talking about it. I know someone who goes through this and another is showing signs of depression, the worst thing one could ever do is to not talk about it.

We can help in any way we can, you'll never be a burden.

[Le_Fromage_Grande]

Buy a motorcycle, it'll cheer you up, ride it to Skegness and eat chips, leer at rough looking women, get drunk, basically be a biker.
And if your parents think you've under achieved, they're not fit to be parents, fuck em, move on, you're an adult, do whatever puts a smile on your face (assuming it doesn't hurt anyone else)

[G.P]

If there is no one immediately available to talk to, a "download" on here might be cathartic. Look after yourself.
(And what the big cheese said )

[Le_Fromage_Grande]

Just like to add, talk to your other half, this did wonders for me (and our marriage) when I was having a mid life drama, I went through a patch of seriously saying to myself "What the fuck am I doing this for, I'm really not happy." turned out my wife felt the same.

[MrLongbeard]

Talk to someone, yes it might be embarrassing, yes you will question your manliness, yes you will feel like you have failed, but after you're over that you will be you again, or you can reimagine yourself however you want.

Go see your GP, but if they offer SSRI's do some serious research before accepting, I found them to be very unpleasant.

[Scud]

Just like to add, talk to your other half, this did wonders for me (and our marriage) when I was having a mid life drama, I went through a patch of seriously saying to myself "What the fuck am I doing this for, I'm really not happy." turned out my wife felt the same.

I’m afraid it’s not a mid life drama, I’ve suffered bouts of depression for the last 30 years, I have medication, but sometimes it gets a grip of me.
Funnily enough I rode my bike to skeg yesterday with a couple of mates, if I’m honest I rode like a twat as my overall feeling at present is I have nothing to lose.
I know I sound like a whinging twat, and most probably am, but in my head things are spiralling out of control at this moment.

[weeksy]

I’ve always felt that I’ve under achieved, a feeling well and truely re-enforced by my parents.

That's a properly sad part of your post.... i find it hard sometimes to fathom how some people deserve to be parents.

I've met you once, about a million years ago and you seemed like a perfectly decent fella to me.... Not that i'm the greatest judge ever, but hey, that's all i've got.

Don't be alone.... either seek help from a friend, family or even your Doc.... but don't face this alone.

[Skub]

I’ve always felt that I’ve under achieved, a feeling well and truely re-enforced by my parents.

I'll give you some perspective on that one.

I have a friend who is very smart,a school teacher all her life. Her mother was also a school teacher and a hard taskmaster. My friend passed all her exams with straight A marks.
What did her mother say?
I'm ashamed of you,I've never had anything less than a distinction.

Our parents leave an indelible mark on us and for good or bad,we carry that all our lives. There's some good advice on this thread,but don't be afraid to seek professional opinion too,especially if you think you are sinking low. There may be a medical reason for this. In the mean time,talk to whoever will listen,no one here is going to judge.

[Le_Fromage_Grande]

I know I sound like a whinging twat, and most probably am, but in my head things are spiralling out of control at this moment.

I don't think you're whinging, what's going out of control, typing it out on here may help to get it in perspective.

I'm finding the news a bit over whelming at the moment, the media seems to be hell bent on winding people up about rising prices and other stuff, so I've stopped watching it.

[dern]

All I can add is that you're not alone. I've been going through similar for many many years. Best advice is to talk to your GP and get help and talk to friends if you have friends that know the score on this sort of thing. Those that don't tend not to be that helpful.

I manage it by taking SSRIs prescribed by the doctor. Not too many side effects so it's worth taking them. They definitely help and I'm pretty much assuming I'll be on them long term now, have been taking them for years.

I don't have too many friends that I can talk to about this stuff and frankly wouldn't want to. It does means I have to really push myself to do things (including the trip to Pembrey) as my gut instinct is to totally give stuff like that a miss. I do have a couple of friends who are happy to talk about it but I am wary of dumping on them too much despite their assurances. I had a couple that sort of disappeared when I mentioned it so on the plus side it's a way of weeding out the pricks

One way I cope is to keep myself *really* busy. Occasionally I really can't be arsed and everything stops but usually I'm keeping busy with all sorts of stuff that I find interesting from bikes to computers.

Lastly keeping physically active is really important and walking the dogs each day helps a lot. Drinking lots of alcohol really drags me down so aside from the odd blow out with company (Pembrey) I try not to drink on my own or when I'm not going out. It's not that I don't enjoy it at the time but the day afterwards sucks balls.

Happy to talk on here if you like or offline if it helps even though you don't know me from Jack Shizz.

[Count Steer]

Here is probably as good a place as any to download. I imagine a few people have been where you are at least once or twice in their lives.
Doctors and drugs are the right thing in some situations but sometimes just talking is the best way of sorting your head out. Dunno if doctors can prescribe counselling/psychotherapy but quite often, if they're any good, they spend most of the time listening and just nudge you in the right direction while you, effectively, work things out for yourself. Can be a lot better than people offering 'solutions'.

Oh, and over-achieving doesn't necessarily make people happy as far as I can see!

All the best.

[slowsider]

It's all about perspective, and that is hard to diagnose online without knowing more about your circumstances - It might help to feel useful by volunteering somewhere where people are materially less well off than you?

I’ve always felt that I’ve under achieved, a feeling well and truely re-enforced by my parents.

We usually give our parents too much credit.

Philip Larkin had it right:

"They fuck you up, your mum and dad.
They may not mean to, but they do.
They fill you with the faults they had
And add some extra, just for you.

But they were fucked up in their turn
By fools in old-style hats and coats,
Who half the time were soppy-stern
And half at one another’s throats.

Man hands on misery to man.
It deepens like a coastal shelf.
Get out as early as you can,
And don’t have any kids yourself"

Chin up

[dern]

Here is probably as good a place as any to download. I imagine a few people have been where you are at least once or twice in their lives.
Doctors and drugs are the right thing in some situations but sometimes just talking is the best way of sorting your head out. Dunno if doctors can prescribe counselling/psychotherapy but quite often, if they're any good, they spend most of the time listening and just nudge you in the right direction while you, effectively, work things out for yourself. Can be a lot better than people offering 'solutions'.

Yes, they totally can, I completely forgot about that. I was put down for a series of CBT (cognitive behavioural therapy) that I found really helpful. I also did a mindfulness course which I didn't find that useful but I have a somewhat literal mind so focussing on a raisin or whatever it was didn't do it for me. Nevertheless explore the options with your GP, totally worth trying these things.

[Yorick]

I suffer badly from anxiety. Not quite the same but they do overlap.
Sometimes it's totally debilitating.
But when I was first diagnosed about 10 years ago my specialist said something like "It's not cancer . It won't kill you. Just your brain needing a reset. Go with the flow. Lie down. Don't fight it."

That's all stuck. I treat it now like a migraine knowing I'll be OK soon.
Sometimes an hour. Sometimes a day.

I look out of the window and think "I could be a bit poorly here or a bit poorly in Bradford."

Good luck

[porter_jamie]

Buy a motorcycle, it'll cheer you up, ride it to Skegness and eat chips, leer at rough looking women, get drunk, basically be a biker.
And if your parents think you've under achieved, they're not fit to be parents, fuck em, move on, you're an adult, do whatever puts a smile on your face (assuming it doesn't hurt anyone else)

Wise words apart from rough looking women. Are there any other in skeg?

[porter_jamie]

Not sure why I’m posting here, maybe because it’s relatively anonymous??

Anyway, I’ve suffered for years and at this moment the darkness has well and truely engulfed me, complete loss of motivation and enthusiasm for anything.
I’ll be honest, I feel very lonely and alone, at this moment I’m not sure where my life is going. I’ve always felt that I’ve under achieved, a feeling well and truely re-enforced by my parents.
I’m sorry to burden this here, but I think I just needed to get my feelings out and don’t feel I really have anyone I can speak to at present.

I don’t think I’m really looking for responses, so please dont feel you have to

Mate I'm sure you are not the only one. I know you are not in fact.Type away at any time. That's why we are here chap. There's some top blokes om here and I'm sure someone might be able to share an experience that might give you some perspective on things.

[Hoonercat]

I've never had depression but I've been around people all my life who have (I'm starting to get a complex ) It makes you feel like doing nothing, but doing nothing just makes your issues worse. As has already been said, try to keep yourself busy (easier said than done, I know) and try add some variety to your life, it's the mundane, same-old that partly drives how you feel. It doesn't have to be life-changing or expensive, or even exciting, just different.
Dogs, always happy and there's something very contagious about that. Almost everyone I know with depression has loved the company of dogs, they have this natural feel-good factor about them. Maybe consider contacting a local rescue and asking about weekend-fostering (assuming you work during the week). Throw it in the car and go exploring for beauty spots, woods etc, nature is a great healer for the mind. It will lift your self esteem because it's a very rewarding thing to do, you'll be giving the dog a break from its everyday, boring life stuck in a kennel, and in a way the dog will be doing the same for you. Just as importantly, it will give you something to look forward to each week, instead of looking ahead and seeing the same-old.

[Scud]

I've never had depression but I've been around people all my life who have (I'm starting to get a complex ) It makes you feel like doing nothing, but doing nothing just makes your issues worse. As has already been said, try to keep yourself busy (easier said than done, I know) and try add some variety to your life, it's the mundane, same-old that partly drives how you feel. It doesn't have to be life-changing or expensive, or even exciting, just different.
Dogs, always happy and there's something very contagious about that. Almost everyone I know with depression has loved the company of dogs, they have this natural feel-good factor about them. Maybe consider contacting a local rescue and asking about weekend-fostering (assuming you work during the week). Throw it in the car and go exploring for beauty spots, woods etc, nature is a great healer for the mind. It will lift your self esteem because it's a very rewarding thing to do, you'll be giving the dog a break from its everyday, boring life stuck in a kennel, and in a way the dog will be doing the same for you. Just as importantly, it will give you something to look forward to each week, instead of looking ahead and seeing the same-old.

I don’t need anymore dogs! We’ve got 10 of the bloody things!
In fairness I have a charmed life, no mortgage or money worries, self employed and can please myself, there is no “reason” to the depression, it’s just an illness that I have and will always have.
It’ll pass in a few days like Yoricks anxiety.
It is a help and very much appreciated that I can sound off here and feel people are listening.

[Skub]

10 bloody dogs?