I've posted before that riding again made me so happy and reduced/removed the sort of depression I'd had (more miseries and hormonal than 'actual' depression)
For the first few weeks that was certainly true. The last 3 weeks or so I've known I was slipping again but not why.
I also knew that I was annoyed that riding the bike still hurt my arm a lot - I'd expected it to get easier each time I rode, but it didn't; in fact recently it was getting worse. I also knew I wasn't riding as relaxed, despite 're-finding' some of the 'automatic' techniques I used to use. So the more it hurt, the less relaxed and the more pissy I got and then more miserable
Last week a friend helped me rent a car for a month (not loads of money but the deposit was ridiculous
). He took me to collect it on Monday and I take it back the day that I start cat sitting - for that I get the use of their car, so that's a bonus!! So I'm now 'car'd up' until I start work mid November
Anyway, since Monday I've been slowly doing loads of things that I have either lost interest in, been putting off (simple things like making appointments with medical peeps/doing paperwork), I've started walking each day again and even been tidying up/sorting out and cooking (haven't eaten particularly well for a few weeks).
I am half relieved that I feel better but also a bit peeved that the one thing that normally makes me happy was also causing stress. It's cool to find out what was going on in my head. Great that I managed to work it out before I was 'forced' to abandon the bike by the weather.
Luckily, because it's the interseason, I'm seeing the physio that is kinder on the mental side!! When I talked to him he asked if I was giving up altogether and my response was - "hell no, I'll just keep trying bikes until I find one that doesn't hurt - or convert one to left hand throttle so I use my right arm a bit less". At that he grinned widely and said he was pleased
Made me feel a bit better that he said that too because it's hard when physios are negative about the sports/passions you love!
Not sure what this will do for anyone else, but it's been an 'interesting' few weeks of starting back down the rabbit hole and not knowing why; only to work out that it was my biggest passion that was causing it has been, well, confusing! Just pleased and lucky to have good people around me that have been kind and positive to me about this