Jokes Thread

General chat topics, anything and everything you want or need to discuss
User avatar
weeksy
Site Admin
Posts: 23443
Joined: Sat Mar 14, 2020 12:08 pm
Has thanked: 5456 times
Been thanked: 13103 times

Re: Jokes Thread

Post by weeksy »

Asked my wife if I was the only one she’s even been with.

“Yes” she said, “all the others were 9s and 10s.”
Top
User avatar
weeksy
Site Admin
Posts: 23443
Joined: Sat Mar 14, 2020 12:08 pm
Has thanked: 5456 times
Been thanked: 13103 times

Re: Jokes Thread

Post by weeksy »

Female weightlifter goes to see a doctor
FW – I think I’ve been overdoing the steroids, I’ve grown a knob.
D – Anabolic?
FW – No, just a knob.
Top
Saga Lout
Posts: 1846
Joined: Sun Mar 15, 2020 3:38 pm
Location: North East Essex
Has thanked: 567 times
Been thanked: 757 times

Re: Jokes Thread

Post by Saga Lout »

weeksy wrote: ↑Tue Jan 25, 2022 7:29 am I’ve just tried some of Elvis Costello’s Mediterranean sausage range from Waitrose.
I must say it was lovely, I think Olive salami is here to stay
That reminds me.

See you in the insignificcant BYP thread. :angry-cussingblack:
Top
User avatar
Taipan
Posts: 13983
Joined: Sat Mar 14, 2020 1:48 pm
Location: Essex Riviera!
Has thanked: 15999 times
Been thanked: 10262 times

Re: Jokes Thread

Post by Taipan »

A mixed race Gentleman walked into a bar. At least, that's the Met Police's version of events...

:shock: :lol:
Top
User avatar
Taipan
Posts: 13983
Joined: Sat Mar 14, 2020 1:48 pm
Location: Essex Riviera!
Has thanked: 15999 times
Been thanked: 10262 times

Re: Jokes Thread

Post by Taipan »

Wonder is his Dad was a mechanic?

https://www.facebook.com/tenmil.sokhet.77
Top
User avatar
Taipan
Posts: 13983
Joined: Sat Mar 14, 2020 1:48 pm
Location: Essex Riviera!
Has thanked: 15999 times
Been thanked: 10262 times

Re: Jokes Thread

Post by Taipan »

Ha ha, brilliant! :lol:

Top
User avatar
Taipan
Posts: 13983
Joined: Sat Mar 14, 2020 1:48 pm
Location: Essex Riviera!
Has thanked: 15999 times
Been thanked: 10262 times

Re: Jokes Thread

Post by Taipan »

Image
Top
User avatar
McSatan
Posts: 110
Joined: Tue Mar 17, 2020 9:49 am
Has thanked: 17 times
Been thanked: 247 times

Re: Jokes Thread

Post by McSatan »

What's the difference between an Aston Martin and a dead prostitute?

I haven't got any Aston Martins in my garage.
Top
User avatar
Count Steer
Posts: 11847
Joined: Mon Jul 19, 2021 4:59 pm
Has thanked: 6383 times
Been thanked: 4772 times

Re: Jokes Thread

Post by Count Steer »

Surgeon: Right John, it's just a small operation. Nothing to worry about.
Patient: My names not John.
Surgeon: No, I'm John.
Doubt is not a pleasant condition.
But certainty is an absurd one.
Voltaire
Top
Saga Lout
Posts: 1846
Joined: Sun Mar 15, 2020 3:38 pm
Location: North East Essex
Has thanked: 567 times
Been thanked: 757 times

Re: Jokes Thread

Post by Saga Lout »

I went to see my GP:

“Doctor, I need to lose some weight”

“Don’t eat anything fatty.”

“You mean cut down on the fry-ups, eat fewer chips?”

“No, you weren’t listening. I said don’t eat anything, Fatty.”

:(
Top
User avatar
Taipan
Posts: 13983
Joined: Sat Mar 14, 2020 1:48 pm
Location: Essex Riviera!
Has thanked: 15999 times
Been thanked: 10262 times

Re: Jokes Thread

Post by Taipan »

Image
Top
DW.
Posts: 145
Joined: Sat Apr 04, 2020 2:10 pm
Location: Rum City Queensland
Has thanked: 81 times
Been thanked: 79 times

Re: Jokes Thread

Post by DW. »

We call them Bogans, but same same. What is the pommy version of redneck?
Attachments
6E2CF0FE-4948-4A93-868F-22BA404903C2.jpeg
6E2CF0FE-4948-4A93-868F-22BA404903C2.jpeg (65.8 KiB) Viewed 812 times
Known as 10 second Tommy (which has nothing to do with drag racing)
Also 2 stroke Tommy (which has nothing to do with motorcycles)
Top
User avatar
Yambo
Posts: 2470
Joined: Mon Mar 16, 2020 8:08 pm
Location: Self Isolating
Has thanked: 598 times
Been thanked: 1647 times

Re: Jokes Thread

Post by Yambo »

DW. wrote: ↑Sat Jan 29, 2022 1:35 pm We call them Bogans, but same same. What is the pommy version of redneck?

Yorkshiremen.
Top
maccecht
Posts: 217
Joined: Sat May 30, 2020 1:45 pm
Has thanked: 24 times
Been thanked: 156 times

Re: Jokes Thread

Post by maccecht »

Taipan wrote: ↑Wed Jan 26, 2022 10:01 am Ha ha, brilliant! :lol:

Now that made me genuinely laugh ta.
Top
slowsider
Posts: 3189
Joined: Mon Mar 16, 2020 3:45 pm
Location: RoI
Has thanked: 1264 times
Been thanked: 1188 times

Re: Jokes Thread

Post by slowsider »

Top
Saga Lout
Posts: 1846
Joined: Sun Mar 15, 2020 3:38 pm
Location: North East Essex
Has thanked: 567 times
Been thanked: 757 times

Re: Jokes Thread

Post by Saga Lout »

slowsider wrote: ↑Sat Jan 29, 2022 6:59 pm
The replies are almost as good. So many people failing to get the joke. :D
Top
DW.
Posts: 145
Joined: Sat Apr 04, 2020 2:10 pm
Location: Rum City Queensland
Has thanked: 81 times
Been thanked: 79 times

Re: Jokes Thread

Post by DW. »

Yambo wrote: ↑Sat Jan 29, 2022 2:47 pm
DW. wrote: ↑Sat Jan 29, 2022 1:35 pm We call them Bogans, but same same. What is the pommy version of redneck?

Yorkshiremen.
Well that doesn't sound very offensive at all or is that like the most offensive thing a person could be called?? :D
Known as 10 second Tommy (which has nothing to do with drag racing)
Also 2 stroke Tommy (which has nothing to do with motorcycles)
Top
User avatar
Count Steer
Posts: 11847
Joined: Mon Jul 19, 2021 4:59 pm
Has thanked: 6383 times
Been thanked: 4772 times

Re: Jokes Thread

Post by Count Steer »

Stannah now have a turbo stairlift. It's so fast it gets you upstairs before you've forgotten what you were going for. 👍
Doubt is not a pleasant condition.
But certainty is an absurd one.
Voltaire
Top
Saga Lout
Posts: 1846
Joined: Sun Mar 15, 2020 3:38 pm
Location: North East Essex
Has thanked: 567 times
Been thanked: 757 times

Re: Jokes Thread

Post by Saga Lout »

Potter wrote: ↑Sun Jan 30, 2022 3:50 am[Thomas Edison picture]
I think he would have known. Here's just one prior example of it being common knowledge:
"Thus hath the candle singd the moath." Shakespeare The Merchant of Venice, 1596
Top
slowsider
Posts: 3189
Joined: Mon Mar 16, 2020 3:45 pm
Location: RoI
Has thanked: 1264 times
Been thanked: 1188 times

Re: Jokes Thread

Post by slowsider »

Saga Lout wrote: ↑Sun Jan 30, 2022 6:03 pm
Potter wrote: ↑Sun Jan 30, 2022 3:50 am[Thomas Edison picture]
I think he would have known. Here's just one prior example of it being common knowledge:
"Thus hath the candle singd the moath." Shakespeare The Merchant of Venice, 1596
You've outed yourself
https://www.urbandictionary.com/define.php?term=moath
Top

Return to “GENERAL MAYHEM”