Jokes Thread

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weeksy
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Re: Jokes Thread

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Asked my wife if I was the only one she’s even been with.

“Yes” she said, “all the others were 9s and 10s.”
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weeksy
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Re: Jokes Thread

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Female weightlifter goes to see a doctor
FW – I think I’ve been overdoing the steroids, I’ve grown a knob.
D – Anabolic?
FW – No, just a knob.
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Re: Jokes Thread

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weeksy wrote: ↑Tue Jan 25, 2022 7:29 am I’ve just tried some of Elvis Costello’s Mediterranean sausage range from Waitrose.
I must say it was lovely, I think Olive salami is here to stay
That reminds me.

See you in the insignificcant BYP thread. :angry-cussingblack:
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Re: Jokes Thread

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A mixed race Gentleman walked into a bar. At least, that's the Met Police's version of events...

:shock: :lol:
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Re: Jokes Thread

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Wonder is his Dad was a mechanic?

https://www.facebook.com/tenmil.sokhet.77
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Re: Jokes Thread

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Ha ha, brilliant! :lol:

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Re: Jokes Thread

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Re: Jokes Thread

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What's the difference between an Aston Martin and a dead prostitute?

I haven't got any Aston Martins in my garage.
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Re: Jokes Thread

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Surgeon: Right John, it's just a small operation. Nothing to worry about.
Patient: My names not John.
Surgeon: No, I'm John.
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Re: Jokes Thread

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I went to see my GP:

“Doctor, I need to lose some weight”

“Don’t eat anything fatty.”

“You mean cut down on the fry-ups, eat fewer chips?”

“No, you weren’t listening. I said don’t eat anything, Fatty.”

:(
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Re: Jokes Thread

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Re: Jokes Thread

Post by DW. »

We call them Bogans, but same same. What is the pommy version of redneck?
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Known as 10 second Tommy (which has nothing to do with drag racing)
Also 2 stroke Tommy (which has nothing to do with motorcycles)
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Re: Jokes Thread

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DW. wrote: ↑Sat Jan 29, 2022 1:35 pm We call them Bogans, but same same. What is the pommy version of redneck?

Yorkshiremen.
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Re: Jokes Thread

Post by maccecht »

Taipan wrote: ↑Wed Jan 26, 2022 10:01 am Ha ha, brilliant! :lol:

Now that made me genuinely laugh ta.
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Re: Jokes Thread

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Re: Jokes Thread

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slowsider wrote: ↑Sat Jan 29, 2022 6:59 pm
The replies are almost as good. So many people failing to get the joke. :D
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Re: Jokes Thread

Post by DW. »

Yambo wrote: ↑Sat Jan 29, 2022 2:47 pm
DW. wrote: ↑Sat Jan 29, 2022 1:35 pm We call them Bogans, but same same. What is the pommy version of redneck?

Yorkshiremen.
Well that doesn't sound very offensive at all or is that like the most offensive thing a person could be called?? :D
Known as 10 second Tommy (which has nothing to do with drag racing)
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Re: Jokes Thread

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Stannah now have a turbo stairlift. It's so fast it gets you upstairs before you've forgotten what you were going for. 👍
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Re: Jokes Thread

Post by Saga Lout »

Potter wrote: ↑Sun Jan 30, 2022 3:50 am[Thomas Edison picture]
I think he would have known. Here's just one prior example of it being common knowledge:
"Thus hath the candle singd the moath." Shakespeare The Merchant of Venice, 1596
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Re: Jokes Thread

Post by slowsider »

Saga Lout wrote: ↑Sun Jan 30, 2022 6:03 pm
Potter wrote: ↑Sun Jan 30, 2022 3:50 am[Thomas Edison picture]
I think he would have known. Here's just one prior example of it being common knowledge:
"Thus hath the candle singd the moath." Shakespeare The Merchant of Venice, 1596
You've outed yourself
https://www.urbandictionary.com/define.php?term=moath
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