- FB_IMG_1717920942323.jpg (88.55 KiB) Viewed 496 times
Jokes Thread
-
Sadlonelygit
- Posts: 955
- Joined: Thu Mar 19, 2020 9:10 pm
- Has thanked: 85 times
- Been thanked: 688 times
-
Taipan
- Posts: 13948
- Joined: Sat Mar 14, 2020 1:48 pm
- Location: Essex Riviera!
- Has thanked: 15957 times
- Been thanked: 10248 times
-
Horse
- Posts: 11556
- Joined: Sun Mar 15, 2020 11:30 am
- Location: Always sunny southern England
- Has thanked: 6193 times
- Been thanked: 5087 times
-
KungFooBob
- Posts: 14203
- Joined: Sat Mar 14, 2020 1:04 pm
- Location: The content of this post is not AI generated.
- Has thanked: 539 times
- Been thanked: 7530 times
Re: Jokes Thread
Well, I thought it was funny.
- Attachments
-
- FB_IMG_1718094782629.jpg (66.92 KiB) Viewed 391 times
-
Count Steer
- Posts: 11814
- Joined: Mon Jul 19, 2021 4:59 pm
- Has thanked: 6377 times
- Been thanked: 4755 times
Re: Jokes Thread
May have been posted before (I've seen it before but can't remember where) but anyway...
A car is pulled over for speeding...
Driver: Is there a problem, Officer?
Traffic Officer: Yes ma'am, I'm afraid you were speeding.
Driver: Oh, I see.
Traffic Officer: Can I see your license please?
Driver: Well, I would give it to you but I don't have one.
Traffic Officer: Don't have one?
Driver: No, I lost it 4 years ago for drunk driving.
Traffic Officer: I see...Can I see your vehicle registration papers please.
Driver: I can't do that.
Traffic Officer: Why not?
Driver: I stole this car.
Traffic Officer: Stole it?
Driver: Yes, and I killed and hacked up the owner.
Traffic Officer: You what!?
Driver: His body parts are in plastic bags in the trunk if you want to see.
The Traffic Officer looks at the woman and slowly backs away to his car, calling for back up. Within minutes, 5 police cars circle the car. A senior officer slowly approaches the car.
Officer 2: Ma'am, could you step out of your vehicle please!
The lady steps out of her vehicle.
Driver: Is there a problem sir?
Officer 2: My colleague here tells me that you have stolen this car and murdered the owner.
Driver: Murdered the owner? Are you serious?!
Officer 2: Yes, could you open the boot of your car, please.
The lady opens the boot, revealing nothing but an empty boot.
Officer 2: Is this your car, ma'am?
Driver: Yes, here are the registration papers.
The traffic officer is quite stunned.
Officer 2: My colleague claims that you do not have a driving license.
The lady digs into her handbag and pulls out a clutch purse and hands it to the officer.
The officer examines the license quizzically.
Officer 2: Thank you ma'am, but I am puzzled, as I was told by my officer here that you didn't have a license, that you stole this car, and that you murdered and hacked up the owner!
Driver: I Bet the lying bugger told you I was speeding, too!
A car is pulled over for speeding...
Driver: Is there a problem, Officer?
Traffic Officer: Yes ma'am, I'm afraid you were speeding.
Driver: Oh, I see.
Traffic Officer: Can I see your license please?
Driver: Well, I would give it to you but I don't have one.
Traffic Officer: Don't have one?
Driver: No, I lost it 4 years ago for drunk driving.
Traffic Officer: I see...Can I see your vehicle registration papers please.
Driver: I can't do that.
Traffic Officer: Why not?
Driver: I stole this car.
Traffic Officer: Stole it?
Driver: Yes, and I killed and hacked up the owner.
Traffic Officer: You what!?
Driver: His body parts are in plastic bags in the trunk if you want to see.
The Traffic Officer looks at the woman and slowly backs away to his car, calling for back up. Within minutes, 5 police cars circle the car. A senior officer slowly approaches the car.
Officer 2: Ma'am, could you step out of your vehicle please!
The lady steps out of her vehicle.
Driver: Is there a problem sir?
Officer 2: My colleague here tells me that you have stolen this car and murdered the owner.
Driver: Murdered the owner? Are you serious?!
Officer 2: Yes, could you open the boot of your car, please.
The lady opens the boot, revealing nothing but an empty boot.
Officer 2: Is this your car, ma'am?
Driver: Yes, here are the registration papers.
The traffic officer is quite stunned.
Officer 2: My colleague claims that you do not have a driving license.
The lady digs into her handbag and pulls out a clutch purse and hands it to the officer.
The officer examines the license quizzically.
Officer 2: Thank you ma'am, but I am puzzled, as I was told by my officer here that you didn't have a license, that you stole this car, and that you murdered and hacked up the owner!
Driver: I Bet the lying bugger told you I was speeding, too!
Doubt is not a pleasant condition.
But certainty is an absurd one.
Voltaire
But certainty is an absurd one.
Voltaire
-
Felix
- Posts: 3942
- Joined: Sat Jul 17, 2021 12:34 am
- Has thanked: 484 times
- Been thanked: 1427 times
-
JackyJoll
- Posts: 3730
- Joined: Sun May 03, 2020 10:11 pm
- Has thanked: 261 times
- Been thanked: 1265 times
Re: Jokes Thread
To look on the bright side, the women competitors are kicking those creeps in the balls.
And still on the subject of sport:
-
Taipan
- Posts: 13948
- Joined: Sat Mar 14, 2020 1:48 pm
- Location: Essex Riviera!
- Has thanked: 15957 times
- Been thanked: 10248 times
-
Sadlonelygit
- Posts: 955
- Joined: Thu Mar 19, 2020 9:10 pm
- Has thanked: 85 times
- Been thanked: 688 times
-
KungFooBob
- Posts: 14203
- Joined: Sat Mar 14, 2020 1:04 pm
- Location: The content of this post is not AI generated.
- Has thanked: 539 times
- Been thanked: 7530 times
Re: Jokes Thread
Sorry.
- Attachments
-
- 448373472_1508764476385912_1182331941757345951_n.jpg (58.21 KiB) Viewed 617 times
-
Sadlonelygit
- Posts: 955
- Joined: Thu Mar 19, 2020 9:10 pm
- Has thanked: 85 times
- Been thanked: 688 times
-
Yorick
- Posts: 16740
- Joined: Sat Mar 14, 2020 8:20 pm
- Location: Paradise
- Has thanked: 10265 times
- Been thanked: 6886 times
-
Sadlonelygit
- Posts: 955
- Joined: Thu Mar 19, 2020 9:10 pm
- Has thanked: 85 times
- Been thanked: 688 times
-
636mick
- Posts: 944
- Joined: Mon Mar 16, 2020 10:34 am
- Location: In my village
- Has thanked: 1079 times
- Been thanked: 720 times
-
Taipan
- Posts: 13948
- Joined: Sat Mar 14, 2020 1:48 pm
- Location: Essex Riviera!
- Has thanked: 15957 times
- Been thanked: 10248 times
-
JackyJoll
- Posts: 3730
- Joined: Sun May 03, 2020 10:11 pm
- Has thanked: 261 times
- Been thanked: 1265 times
-
Noggin
- Posts: 8019
- Joined: Thu Mar 19, 2020 1:46 pm
- Location: Ski Resort
- Has thanked: 16210 times
- Been thanked: 3926 times
Re: Jokes Thread
Not putting this on the other thread, but it made me laugh 
Life is for living. Buy the shoes. Eat the cake. Ride the bikes. Just, ride the bikes!! 
-
JackyJoll
- Posts: 3730
- Joined: Sun May 03, 2020 10:11 pm
- Has thanked: 261 times
- Been thanked: 1265 times
-
gremlin
- Posts: 5929
- Joined: Wed Jul 08, 2020 3:12 pm
- Location: Kent (AKA God's own country)
- Has thanked: 809 times
- Been thanked: 4802 times
Re: Jokes Thread
A random stranger threw a large bottle of Omega 3 capsules at me today.
Luckily my injuries are only super fish oil.
Luckily my injuries are only super fish oil.
All aboard the Peckham Pigeon! All aboard!
-
Count Steer
- Posts: 11814
- Joined: Mon Jul 19, 2021 4:59 pm
- Has thanked: 6377 times
- Been thanked: 4755 times
