Depression

[Wscad]

Anyone want to borrow a 18 year old Chinese teenager? Wife is guardian for her cousins daughter who is at Harrogate ladies college. £42k a year. She has a mate from Guangzhou who’s father is into gold or diamonds and the young lass gets £4K per month spending
money.

Well, she’s blown this months allowance ( December ) in and is on the cadge for a thousand till another 4K comes her way for January.

Anyone out there would like to chip in to help out?

[Bike Breaker]

How do you blow a grand a week unless you’re properly having it large or on drugs?

Teenage? Girl? = Shoes + fashion….

watches? https://www.vacheron-constantin.com/gb/ ... lsrc=aw.ds

[Count Steer]

December? Maybe she was buying Christmas presents. When your family is that loaded the least anyone expects is a racehorse.

(That and a daily visit to Bettys )

Considering the cost of a place at the school the list of famous pupils is a bit

[Skub]

A pal of Mrs.Skub has a daughter married to a rugby international. He gave his missus 2k to tide her over while he was away for a week. Three days in,she was looking for more as she'd blown it on a nice handbag.

The girl in the OP will have no idea how to handle money,or to budget,because she's never really had to do that. Papa is doing her no favours in the long run.

[Yorick]

Rather than give her 4k a week, maybe give her 1k a week. Then she'll learn to budget. A bit

[Noggin]

Dealing with a daughter who stopped her meds, is feeling suicidal and has no hopes for the future. Depression is a total shitstorm of horror for those who care for those who are affected. There are no right words or sentiments, you just have to be there and hope for the best.

That last bit. Being there. There really are no right words. But, knowing that someone is there for you is the biggest thing. I would imagine that having your whole family 'on side' and 'there' is more than that. It's still madly tough on both sides. But being there with no pressure given just being there is the best.

Huge hugs to you xxx

Dealing with a daughter who stopped her meds, is feeling suicidal and has no hopes for the future. Depression is a total shitstorm of horror for those who care for those who are affected. There are no right words or sentiments, you just have to be there and hope for the best.

If they can cure cancer, why can't they make a happy drug.
There's lots of illegal happy drugs.

Why not a happy drug?

I could have used it in the past

Because it isn't that simple. No two versions of depression are the same or triggered in the same way. Some are psychological, some neurological/imbalance of chemicals in the brain etc etc. There have been huge steps in helping some types, but sadly, a 'happy drug' that fixes everyone just ain't possible

I was diagnosed with depression in 2000. My doctor suggested I may have had depression since my mother died, when I was 16. I don't know. I got out of the hole with physical exercise and keeping busy.

In 2009 my wife was diagnosed with terminal pancreatic cancer. She died in 2011 and I put the effort in to prevent slipping back into that black hole, it's always there, waiting. I kept busy, making things, 3 boats, 3 paddle boards other bits and pieces.

A couple of years ago my friendship with M developed into a relationship and she has changed my life. I still had my moments but generally things have been good.

On 27 December I was in the Okavanga Delta with M with no running water, electricity or Internet. My eldest son Richard went in to work at Preston police station and had a massive heart attack. They couldn't save him and he died in minutes. I had a dozen messages waiting for me on our return to Maun and suddenly that big black hole was there again.

I'll do what I need to do to not fall into it. M may have her work cut out, she has been fantastic already. The tributes to Rich on social media show that he was well loved by lots of friends and colleagues and was a good cop. I've always been proud of both my sons. I never expected to lose one, as that's not the way it goes, is it?

I have lots of jobs to when I get back to Turkey, paddle boards to re-furb, jobs on boats etc. I just hope I can find the motivation to get the sander going.

Oh Yambo. I'm so so sorry for you all. Life really does suck sometimes

I'm glad you have M and that she's fantastic. Huge hugs xxx

[Noggin]

I read the posts on here and really wish I had a magic wand to fix life and words that make sense and help.

This time of year is tough on so many people - three years ago a really good mates daughter killed herself and I still can't really get that straight in my head, so god knows how my mate and his family deal with it. I suppose NYE helps me a smidge - another friend that died the same year wanted his ashes to be put in a firework so he could be fired up into the air! My friend's daughter 'sparkled'. So I watch the fireworks and smile and think of H and P and others. If I remember them whilst smiling at fireworks then I remember them with a smile. So they stay here with me a bit more.


This year I was very lucky in that my nephew was here for the two weeks over Christmas and New Year. Not brilliant in one way because I just didn't have the money for us to go out (SDad helped with the first week of ski school and the school is letting me pay for the second week in January when I get paid!) but meals out or going for drinks and apres just wasn't really possible.

BUT, despite the small fear about sharing such a small space with a teenage boy (17) that I've barely seen for the last 3 years, we had a fab time. He didn't seem too phased by not going out - but then he did lessons every morning and practice every afternoon, so was pretty knackered!! LOL And, he is firmly set on the idea of coming out to do a season as soon as he's finished A Levels!!

So, he did help dispel my usual Christmas/NY blues. He left yesterday and I miss him Not depressed as such, but not happy. Partly cos I have a stonking cold, but also because that two weeks, yet again, threw in my face how little contact I have with people I keep thinking are really good friends. I gave up putting out messages to meet on the group chat and won't try again. Need new friends that think in a similar way to me!!!!

[Wscad]

Wife is a certified translator/interpreter for mandarin and Cantonese. She can go into any court of law in the country to do her job.

Harvey nicks in Leeds pester her two or three times a month to be a sales person. 5 days a week. A grand a week plus bonus.

John Lewis have offered 800/week plus bonus as have Zara. The Chinese have money to spend like no tomorrow.

[tricol]

So sorry to read that news @Yambo truly awful.

[Scud]

Shit Yambo, I’ve got no words that will help, but my thoughts are with you and yours.
Stay strong and take one day at a time

[Nordboy]

I was diagnosed with depression in 2000. My doctor suggested I may have had depression since my mother died, when I was 16. I don't know. I got out of the hole with physical exercise and keeping busy.

In 2009 my wife was diagnosed with terminal pancreatic cancer. She died in 2011 and I put the effort in to prevent slipping back into that black hole, it's always there, waiting. I kept busy, making things, 3 boats, 3 paddle boards other bits and pieces.

A couple of years ago my friendship with M developed into a relationship and she has changed my life. I still had my moments but generally things have been good.

On 27 December I was in the Okavanga Delta with M with no running water, electricity or Internet. My eldest son Richard went in to work at Preston police station and had a massive heart attack. They couldn't save him and he died in minutes. I had a dozen messages waiting for me on our return to Maun and suddenly that big black hole was there again.

I'll do what I need to do to not fall into it. M may have her work cut out, she has been fantastic already. The tributes to Rich on social media show that he was well loved by lots of friends and colleagues and was a good cop. I've always been proud of both my sons. I never expected to lose one, as that's not the way it goes, is it?

I have lots of jobs to when I get back to Turkey, paddle boards to re-furb, jobs on boats etc. I just hope I can find the motivation to get the sander going.

Really sorry to hear this. I saw many many tributes to Richard on all the police pages that I frequent. Hard to know how to put it into words, but be assured that he won't be forgotten about, even across the whole UK Policing family we all feel your loss. Your son was out there doing his best, trying to help, and he DID make a difference.

The thin blue line gets thinner

[MrLongbeard]

I'm not one for talking,

Or maybe I am.
I've had a rough couple of weeks, and was due to visit a GP on another matter so broached mental health with her, hey she already had my little head in her hands so talking about my big head wasn't going make me feel any more vulnerable / shit.

It's not something I wanted to talk about with the wife, although I suppose I will eventually, hell, how do you tell your life partner that you have suicidal thoughts without making them feeling like crap, but with the Doc it was refreshingly simple to get it out, and kind of surreal having an open frank conversation about means and methods and why I hadn't got round to it.

I've got a follow up appointment with her in a couple of weeks, so we'll see where we go then.

[Yorick]

I'm not one for talking,

Or maybe I am.
I've had a rough couple of weeks, and was due to visit a GP on another matter so broached mental health with her, hey she already had my little head in her hands so talking about my big head wasn't going make me feel any more vulnerable / shit.

It's not something I wanted to talk about with the wife, although I suppose I will eventually, hell, how do you tell your life partner that you have suicidal thoughts without making them feeling like crap, but with the Doc it was refreshingly simple to get it out, and kind of surreal having an open frank conversation about means and methods and why I hadn't got round to it.

I've got a follow up appointment with her in a couple of weeks, so we'll see where we go then.

Small steps....

[Couchy]

I'm not one for talking,

Or maybe I am.
I've had a rough couple of weeks, and was due to visit a GP on another matter so broached mental health with her, hey she already had my little head in her hands so talking about my big head wasn't going make me feel any more vulnerable / shit.

It's not something I wanted to talk about with the wife, although I suppose I will eventually, hell, how do you tell your life partner that you have suicidal thoughts without making them feeling like crap, but with the Doc it was refreshingly simple to get it out, and kind of surreal having an open frank conversation about means and methods and why I hadn't got round to it.

I've got a follow up appointment with her in a couple of weeks, so we'll see where we go then.

The hardest bit is the first time you ask for help and you’ve done that, hopefully that alone has helped and good luck with the follow up

[MyLittleStudPony]

Well done. Like Couchy says, that's not an easy thing to do. It takes some real bollocks.

[the_priest]

Daughter walked yesterday and today with me in taking hound out and about. Small steps. We took dog to be groomed and she is utterly beautiful and daughter was happy to be with her.

[Wscad]

Whoever is in charge of life’s deck of cards needs to give them a good fucking shuffle. Brother in law has gone down with a stroke. He’s ok thank fuck.

Over the last month or so there have been a few times when I’ve gone to bed hoping I don’t wake up the next day. Compared to some on here my life is a doddle.

Yambo, the vicar and others....... I don’t know how you get through each day. My wife is very strong and supportive.

If it wasn’t for her I’d be on a large bottle of whiskey and sleeping tablets.

Take care out there and stay strong

[the_priest]

Whoever is in charge of life’s deck of cards needs to give them a good fucking shuffle. Brother in law has gone down with a stroke. He’s ok thank fuck.

Over the last month or so there have been a few times when I’ve gone to bed hoping I don’t wake up the next day. Compared to some on here my life is a doddle.

Yambo, the vicar and others....... I don’t know how you get through each day. My wife is very strong and supportive.

Life is tough, I have my faith to support and sustain me, I also talk to good friends and a spiritual director. Pace yourself and keep talking to good friends. You are welcome to PM me if you like. Like yourself I have a wife who is strong and supportive, a true treasure.

[Wscad]

Thank you for that post vicar.

[Noggin]

I'm not 100% sure how in keeping this is or how it will be received, but I think it does fit here (It's taken me three days to man up and post!!)

I've had a pretty horrendous time since August 2017 and have managed pain, depression, fear etc etc by pretending all is fine. I learnt to do that when I was very young. It kinda keeps depression at bay, doesn't solve anything, but if I pretend to be ok enough, I don't feel quite so bad, generally!

Out here it's been a little more challenging. I don't 'fit in' (not really an issue, I never found a group that I fitted with till I started biking!), didn't speak French, etc etc.

But I did think that I was putting a good face on and generally, people didn't realise how bad things were/I felt.


Wednesday night I met some friends in a bar in another village that I generally don't go to. It's a decent bus ride back and generally when I go there, I don't see anyone to talk to - or worse, I see lots of people I know but still have no one to talk to!! I'd just had the best day skiing in years and years, so I was buzzing a bit. Walked in to see a couple of mates that had obviously been there for Apres (we were there after apres deliberately!) and Craig does get louder and more open when he's been in the bar a long time.

We started talking about work (he does transfers too) and he said that this winter would have been a REALLY good season to restart my business. I said that I just didn't have the mental capacity or finances to do that and that actually I'm very happy at work. He looked me dead in the eye and said "Are you? Are you really happy working for someone else instead?" I can, and did, honestly say that I am very happy. I like my job, I'm happy helping my boss achieve his dream. And I've got a really good job out of it and pretty sure he wants me to work the summer and maybe the interseason too

Craig looked at me very seriously and said "You look happy. For the first time in years, that smile is real. And I'm so very happy to see it. I know you've been pretending for so long, but now you look properly happy"



There haven't been many people in my life that can see past the pretending, or read a message and see past it. And do you know what? I'm amazed that Craig is one of them. But, he and his wife have been awesome friends to me since I first came out here. He's someone I can call for advice, help or just 'fancy a beer'.


So, anyway. Life isn't totally fine or sorted. But at last I do now feel happy. The 'black dog' never really goes far away, but he isn't sitting on on the back of my head with me face down in a puddle!! LOL And I'm ok with him being around, as long as he doesn't try and drown me!!

I suppose it's kind of a success story. I'm fully aware that life goes up and down (mine definitely does the roller coaster thing !!) so I am not sitting back, I still have to make sure I appreciate the good stuff and not hang on to the bad stuff. But, you know what? Having Craig say what he did has really made me feel calmer and happier. Maybe it's just made me appreciate that yes, things really are getting better - I do sometimes wonder when the universe will get the sodding baseball bat out again, but you know what? I'm not looking over my shoulder waiting for it any more. If it happens, it happens, and I'll deal with it. Kind of a nice place to be at the moment (she says with drippy eyes cos remembering that conversation gets me all emotional!! But I did want to share it here). I am sure I'm still gonna have moments, but overall, things are more positive