Depression

[MrLongbeard]

Thanks @tricol but I'm not one for talking, I appreciate it though.
That was a rough night, I'm taking a step back from the internet for a while, so I'll see y'all later

[Noggin]

Is it wrong, yes I know it is, to be looking up the lethal dose of every medication I have in the house..
Is it wronger (bite me) to know that I have enough of everything to get the job done but not have the bollocks to go through with it

It's not wrong. And it's not necessarily lack of bollocks.

I've known since I was 17 just how much paracetamol is 'necessary'. Sometimes I've thought that I haven't got the bolloxs, but over the years I've worked out that actually I am just hanging in there. Doesn't mean I don't want to know how much I need (and I now have way stronger stuff available - doesn't work for pain, but hey!!). Sometimes, the hanging in there needs more courage, even if is subconscious xx

Thanks @tricol but I'm not one for talking, I appreciate it though.
That was a rough night, I'm taking a step back from the internet for a while, so I'll see y'all later

Totally get the not talking. But sometimes knowing you can helps. I'm happy to add my contact to the 'I'm here' list too - further away and maybe distance helps for listening/chatting about random stuff - promise, no digging, just listening. Look after you xx

[Noggin]

I've made some very good friends over here as we are all over here for the same reasons.

I thought things would work out over here like that. But I just have nothing in common with most of the people (Brits) that I meet that have moved out to live in resort. Probably made worse by being in pain and lacking in mobility for the first five years of being here But, having gone further afield, I've made some good friends out of resort now And a small handful in resort

I've just realised I've been on blood pressure tablets for 6 weeks and had no bad anxiety episodes for a while. No black holes to climb out of.
In fact I've done lots of good stuff while the missus has been away. I've even surprised myself by getting tenants in the apartment.

And sorted out buying 2 bikes in last few days from Gran Canaria. Lots of paperwork and Spanish translation to sort. Been tough, but kept taking a break and resting

Maybe it's on the wain ?

From all the reading I've been doing about certain aspects of my physical issues, there is often a connection between a 'simple' physical problem and some serious mental ones. Not saying it totally fits for you, but I was almost forced anti-depressants, but with a bit of hormone balance, I'm back to a place I was before shoulder injury. Not perfect, but getting better

Good luck to you. And the doing the paperwork without stress is awesome. I have a ton to do here and I am struggling massively - haven't opened my post in weeks (can't solve any of it cos not working etc) so it's just there. A mate gets back next week and I'm going to ask him to help me open it all and sort into piles and then see what I can do with it all!!

So much more of a challenge in a foreign language!

[Yorick]

Just seem summat amazing.

His card wizzardy is stunning. But he tells a tale along with it.
This blew me away

[ZRX61]

Is it wrong, yes I know it is, to be looking up the lethal dose of every medication I have in the house..
Is it wronger (bite me) to know that I have enough of everything to get the job done but not have the bollocks to go through with it

It's not wrong. And it's not necessarily lack of bollocks.

I've known since I was 17 just how much paracetamol is 'necessary'. Sometimes I've thought that I haven't got the bolloxs, but over the years I've worked out that actually I am just hanging in there. Doesn't mean I don't want to know how much I need (and I now have way stronger stuff available - doesn't work for pain, but hey!!). Sometimes, the hanging in there needs more courage, even if is subconscious xx

5lb of taters will finish you off too.

[Noggin]

Is it wrong, yes I know it is, to be looking up the lethal dose of every medication I have in the house..
Is it wronger (bite me) to know that I have enough of everything to get the job done but not have the bollocks to go through with it

It's not wrong. And it's not necessarily lack of bollocks.

I've known since I was 17 just how much paracetamol is 'necessary'. Sometimes I've thought that I haven't got the bolloxs, but over the years I've worked out that actually I am just hanging in there. Doesn't mean I don't want to know how much I need (and I now have way stronger stuff available - doesn't work for pain, but hey!!). Sometimes, the hanging in there needs more courage, even if is subconscious xx

5lb of taters will finish you off too.

I couldn't eat 5lbs of taters

[tricol]

How's everyone doing?

[Noggin]

How's everyone doing?

You rock


You know what? I knew not working wasn't good for me. But damn actually working is freaking awesome. Having a reason to get up in the morning and go be productive/useful Awesome

I'm still wobbly - had two really really bad months until last week so a bit of recovery to do. And think hormones have something to do with that as I messed them up by accident, just waiting for some balance before I try the next adjustment

But - Bloody Hell I'm happy to be working

Being off sick/unable to work and not having anyone around just for me, just to talk to/be nice to me/hold my hand has sucked. Equally - never gonna meet anyone nice whilst being a miserable and broken bird!

Roll on winter, I'm doing a happy dance every morning that it snows - the balance is that I am very aware of walking a very wobbly tightrope still. But I can can really see the light at the end of the tunnel now - and this time I'm pretty sure it's not a train!!!

[Taff]

How's everyone doing?

Thanks for asking

After 2 years of working in a remote office and 2.5 years of WFH I realised that having no-one to talk shit to at the coffee machine was actually getting to me and affecting me in ways that I hadn't expected.

Soooo, this is my last week working there and I start a new job in Gloucester on the 5th. quite a big weight had been lifted and I'm looking forward to a new challenge.

[darthpunk]

Long time listener, first time post on this thread

Not great if I'm honest. Eating too much crap, not doing fantastic at work and really hating my job and nothing, and i mean absolutely nothing seems to bring me any joy right now.

On the bright side though, got the new kitchen in and a holiday booked for next year which will blow the wee ones mind (Center parcs Paris with a Disney trip flung in)

On the brightest side of all though, I've been a long time bike dreamer, never did the test, overbearing mother combined with years of financial woes. Now in a position to get on with it but too much to pay for/save up for at the moment. Then the wife doesn't want me to. Conversation about it the other week and the wife realises it would make me happy so we've agreed, holiday out the way then all systems go if I want to do it. Got the CBT and Theory done last October so I just need to wait a few more months and then I can crack on with the rest. To be fair as well, i'm in my 40's now so I'm probably in a better place mentally with self preservation as well, so I probably should at least thank my mother for that

[Taff]

Long time listener, first time post on this thread

Not great if I'm honest. Eating too much crap,

Don't under estimate the effect of diet. Getting more fruit and veg on the plate has made quite a difference to me but it is a long term thing to change. Good luck with your test when it comes around

[tricol]

Yea, diet is really important. I say that just after eating another biscuit.

Getting a bike is something to focus on. That's what I did. Over that first lockdown in 2020 I decided it was now or never, and as much as I regret not getting it done when I was 18, I have much to look forward to with it. I already have a bit of a plan in my head for what I want to do on two wheels over the next 5/10 years, and I very rarely make plans for anything. If I do, it's about what is happening next week, not in 5 years time.

Do you have any other hobbies? I'm a bit of a gamer and that gives me something to do when I'm mulling over all the crap in my head.

Oh, and get outside. I know it's shitty and cold but it really helps. Especially in the morning before work.

[darthpunk]

Don't under estimate the effect of diet. Getting more fruit and veg on the plate has made quite a difference to me but it is a long term thing to change. Good luck with your test when it comes around

Yea, diet is really important. I say that just after eating another biscuit.

I lost 5 stone during lockdown, cycled every day and ate well except a Friday night which is and always will be Pizza and Beer in this house. Put about 2 back on lately and can't seem to get myself back into the headspace of not having my head turned by a chocolate hob-nob or a cheeky bag or crisps. TBH, it's a no brainer really, just need to find my mojo again

Do you have any other hobbies? I'm a bit of a gamer and that gives me something to do when I'm mulling over all the crap in my head.

Mountain bikes, not as much as I used to but it does really clear my head going out on the bike, weathers never been a concern of mine, we're basically waterproof as a species. Been buying vinyl my whole life, not seriously, but enough tick over, ramped up recently but that weirdly makes me feel worse. I've always had a guilty conscience when it comes to spending money on myself, and records are just a money pit better spent elsewhere, especially when you have a Spotify account, it just seems daft really. Came to realise recently that I was buying records by certain artists or genres not because I particularly wanted the record, but because I wanted to be a part of the scene, part of the gang of people buying them like I would suddenly be noticed and feel a part of something. Really hard to explain, but like a sense of fitting in to a group. Total crap really, never thought like that up until the last few years, never cared, but suddenly it seems important to be labelled as something

Aye, that's my ramble over for now

[Demannu]

You cannot appreciate just how much I hate this time of year. Too many deaths to remember, desperate weather, and a genuine pathological dislike of people you dont know wishing you a 'happy Christmas '. They usually get told firstly its 'merry Christmas', and secondly it's the celebration of 2 imaginary characters, neither of whom I identify with. Its rampant consumerism that people have been brainwashed to accept.
This feeling lasts well into February,so may be SAD related

[darthpunk]

You cannot appreciate just how much I hate this time of year. Too many deaths to remember, desperate weather, and a genuine pathological dislike of people you dont know wishing you a 'happy Christmas '. They usually get told firstly its 'merry Christmas', and secondly it's the celebration of 2 imaginary characters, neither of whom I identify with. Its rampant consumerism that people have been brainwashed to accept.
This feeling lasts well into February,so may be SAD related

To be fair, i'm not a fan either, spend a crap ton of money on throwaway stuff under the guise of a religious holiday when we all know it's just a habit of buying each other crap we don't want or really need. Don't get me wrong, it can be nice to get people together, but you also feel obliged to put up with people that you wouldn't normally give the time of day to just because the equivalent of a Marvel character allegedly said so or something.

I wouldn't do shit if it wasn't for the kids or the wife strong-arming me.

I get the SAD thing though, somehow everything seems worse in the dark, there is a lot to be said for sunshine

[tricol]

Yea, I also hate this time of year and really struggle with the short days.

I don't care for Christmas either, too many crap memories and too much surrounding it in shops and media.

Trying my best to look forward to the time off though, almost 2 weeks off this year.

[Wscad]

Good news is a couple of weeks from now the days will start getting longer.

I’ve around 2 ton of logs. 2 ton of coal. £200 in credit with gas and electric.

I’ve been told I have bowel cancer so on we go.

Bottoms up fuck it.

And that’s about all I want to say about that right now

[Yorick]

Yea, I also hate this time of year and really struggle with the short days.

I don't care for Christmas either, too many crap memories and too much surrounding it in shops and media.

Trying my best to look forward to the time off though, almost 2 weeks off this year.

Why not fly off somewhere warm that doesn't celebrate Xmas?

[darthpunk]

Good news is a couple of weeks from now the days will start getting longer.

I’ve around 2 ton of logs. 2 ton of coal. £200 in credit with gas and electric.

I’ve been told I have bowel cancer so on we go.

Bottoms up fuck it.

And that’s about all I want to say about that right now

Fucks sake, whatever I say here will probably come across as an understatement so I will just echo what you said, "Bottoms Up, Fuck It"

[tricol]

Never really given that any thought. Used to work with someone who went to a cottage in the Lakes for a week over Christmas and they always said it was a great way to get away from it. Can't imagine that would be cheap though.

I'm going back to Belfast next weekend to visit. My mum has been in a home now for just over a year and my dad obviously struggles this time of year too, but I have good friends there and they like to get their festive spirit on. I should probably try to embrace it a little bit. I'm not a grinch, I just think there's a lot of pressure on families and when my own family is broken, well that makes it hard.