Jokes Thread

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Yambo
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Re: Jokes Thread

Post by Yambo »

Yorick wrote: Wed Jan 20, 2021 1:41 pm???
Iirc Mark Webber's car broke down and he was given a lift back to the pits on a Ferrari (Alonso's? ). He got a penalty for it I think and the joke is that Ferrari also sent him a bill.
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Re: Jokes Thread

Post by derek badger »

Potter wrote: Wed Jan 20, 2021 4:47 pm My wife spiked my dinner with laxatives as a joke.
I completely lost my shit.
Impossible. I broke I to your house and stole all your laxatives. I shit, you not.
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Re: Jokes Thread

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Taipan
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Re: Jokes Thread

Post by Taipan »

:D

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Re: Jokes Thread

Post by KungFooBob »

That reminds me...

What's the difference between Batman and a Scouser?

Batman can go out without Robin.
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wheelnut
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Re: Jokes Thread

Post by wheelnut »

I used to go out with a girl who worked at the local abattoir.

She was a stunner.
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Re: Jokes Thread

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Re: Jokes Thread

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Re: Jokes Thread

Post by Skub »

Taipan wrote: Sat Jan 23, 2021 2:34 pm Image
I started to tell Mrs.Skub this one,but before I got to finish she joined in with anecdotal evidence about folk retraining to pay the bills. I patiently waited her out,then delivered the punchline.

I'm a twat now,apparently. :roll:
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https://soundcloud.com/skub1955
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Re: Jokes Thread

Post by Taipan »

:D


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Re: Jokes Thread

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Re: Jokes Thread

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Re: Jokes Thread

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Re: Jokes Thread

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Saga Lout
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Re: Jokes Thread

Post by Saga Lout »

Don't you people know that you're not supposed to laugh at Bernard Manning? Apparently, he's not funny. Or something.

Anyway, this is funny. Well, it made me laugh. :D

https://www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-england-bristol-55818287
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Re: Jokes Thread

Post by The Martian »

derek badger wrote: Wed Jan 20, 2021 9:46 pm
Potter wrote: Wed Jan 20, 2021 4:47 pm My wife spiked my dinner with laxatives as a joke.
I completely lost my shit.
Impossible. I broke I to your house and stole all your laxatives. I shit, you not.
Not wearing my glasses, I just took either a laxative or a Viagra.. now I don't know if I'm coming or going.
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Re: Jokes Thread

Post by Trinity765 »

You should have told these jokes to that constipated mathematician. He had to work it out with a pencil.
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Re: Jokes Thread

Post by MingtheMerciless »

We are so lucky to still have jobs currently. I had a bloke decorating my house for the last three days. I got chatting to him and he is a Ryanair pilot on Furlough. He is decorating now to try and pay his mortgage, sad times but in fairness he did a great job on the landing.
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Re: Jokes Thread

Post by slowsider »

MingtheMerciless wrote: Thu Jan 28, 2021 7:31 pm We are so lucky to still have jobs currently. I had a bloke decorating my house for the last three days. I got chatting to him and he is a Ryanair pilot on Furlough. He is decorating now to try and pay his mortgage, sad times but in fairness he did a great job on the landing.
He was working for Taipan on Saturday 8-)
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Re: Jokes Thread

Post by MingtheMerciless »

D'oh, always late to the party!😁
"Of all the stories you told me, which ones were true and which ones weren't?"
"My dear Doctor, they're all true."
"Even the lies?"
"Especially the lies."
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