Jokes Thread

General chat topics, anything and everything you want or need to discuss
User avatar
Yambo
Posts: 2470
Joined: Mon Mar 16, 2020 8:08 pm
Location: Self Isolating
Has thanked: 598 times
Been thanked: 1647 times

Re: Jokes Thread

Post by Yambo »

Yorick wrote: Wed Jan 20, 2021 1:41 pm???
Iirc Mark Webber's car broke down and he was given a lift back to the pits on a Ferrari (Alonso's? ). He got a penalty for it I think and the joke is that Ferrari also sent him a bill.
User avatar
derek badger
Posts: 898
Joined: Sat Mar 14, 2020 1:12 pm
Location: Surrey Hills
Has thanked: 769 times
Been thanked: 1135 times

Re: Jokes Thread

Post by derek badger »

Potter wrote: Wed Jan 20, 2021 4:47 pm My wife spiked my dinner with laxatives as a joke.
I completely lost my shit.
Impossible. I broke I to your house and stole all your laxatives. I shit, you not.
User avatar
Tricky
Posts: 1819
Joined: Sat Mar 14, 2020 9:46 pm
Location: Chilterns
Has thanked: 2568 times
Been thanked: 2680 times

Re: Jokes Thread

Post by Tricky »

Image
User avatar
Taipan
Posts: 13951
Joined: Sat Mar 14, 2020 1:48 pm
Location: Essex Riviera!
Has thanked: 15961 times
Been thanked: 10248 times

Re: Jokes Thread

Post by Taipan »

:D

Image
User avatar
KungFooBob
Posts: 14208
Joined: Sat Mar 14, 2020 1:04 pm
Location: The content of this post is not AI generated.
Has thanked: 539 times
Been thanked: 7534 times

Re: Jokes Thread

Post by KungFooBob »

That reminds me...

What's the difference between Batman and a Scouser?

Batman can go out without Robin.
User avatar
wheelnut
Posts: 2230
Joined: Mon Mar 16, 2020 4:36 pm
Has thanked: 908 times
Been thanked: 1001 times

Re: Jokes Thread

Post by wheelnut »

I used to go out with a girl who worked at the local abattoir.

She was a stunner.
User avatar
Yorick
Posts: 16742
Joined: Sat Mar 14, 2020 8:20 pm
Location: Paradise
Has thanked: 10267 times
Been thanked: 6887 times

Re: Jokes Thread

Post by Yorick »

IMG-20210123-WA0001.jpg
IMG-20210123-WA0001.jpg (55.66 KiB) Viewed 1315 times
User avatar
Taipan
Posts: 13951
Joined: Sat Mar 14, 2020 1:48 pm
Location: Essex Riviera!
Has thanked: 15961 times
Been thanked: 10248 times

Re: Jokes Thread

Post by Taipan »

Image
User avatar
Skub
Posts: 12171
Joined: Mon Mar 16, 2020 5:32 pm
Location: Norn Iron
Has thanked: 9834 times
Been thanked: 10147 times

Re: Jokes Thread

Post by Skub »

Taipan wrote: Sat Jan 23, 2021 2:34 pm Image
I started to tell Mrs.Skub this one,but before I got to finish she joined in with anecdotal evidence about folk retraining to pay the bills. I patiently waited her out,then delivered the punchline.

I'm a twat now,apparently. :roll:
"Be kind to past versions of yourself that didn't know what you know now."
Walt Whitman
https://soundcloud.com/skub1955
User avatar
Taipan
Posts: 13951
Joined: Sat Mar 14, 2020 1:48 pm
Location: Essex Riviera!
Has thanked: 15961 times
Been thanked: 10248 times

Re: Jokes Thread

Post by Taipan »

:D


Image
User avatar
Taipan
Posts: 13951
Joined: Sat Mar 14, 2020 1:48 pm
Location: Essex Riviera!
Has thanked: 15961 times
Been thanked: 10248 times

Re: Jokes Thread

Post by Taipan »

Image
User avatar
Yorick
Posts: 16742
Joined: Sat Mar 14, 2020 8:20 pm
Location: Paradise
Has thanked: 10267 times
Been thanked: 6887 times

Re: Jokes Thread

Post by Yorick »

1611264845069.png
1611264845069.png (447.63 KiB) Viewed 1220 times
User avatar
Taipan
Posts: 13951
Joined: Sat Mar 14, 2020 1:48 pm
Location: Essex Riviera!
Has thanked: 15961 times
Been thanked: 10248 times

Re: Jokes Thread

Post by Taipan »

Image
User avatar
Yorick
Posts: 16742
Joined: Sat Mar 14, 2020 8:20 pm
Location: Paradise
Has thanked: 10267 times
Been thanked: 6887 times

Re: Jokes Thread

Post by Yorick »

Saga Lout
Posts: 1838
Joined: Sun Mar 15, 2020 3:38 pm
Location: North East Essex
Has thanked: 566 times
Been thanked: 756 times

Re: Jokes Thread

Post by Saga Lout »

Don't you people know that you're not supposed to laugh at Bernard Manning? Apparently, he's not funny. Or something.

Anyway, this is funny. Well, it made me laugh. :D

https://www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-england-bristol-55818287
The Martian
Posts: 552
Joined: Sat Mar 14, 2020 6:44 pm
Has thanked: 657 times
Been thanked: 362 times

Re: Jokes Thread

Post by The Martian »

derek badger wrote: Wed Jan 20, 2021 9:46 pm
Potter wrote: Wed Jan 20, 2021 4:47 pm My wife spiked my dinner with laxatives as a joke.
I completely lost my shit.
Impossible. I broke I to your house and stole all your laxatives. I shit, you not.
Not wearing my glasses, I just took either a laxative or a Viagra.. now I don't know if I'm coming or going.
User avatar
Trinity765
Posts: 2321
Joined: Fri Nov 06, 2020 2:27 pm
Location: Brighton
Has thanked: 2442 times
Been thanked: 2398 times

Re: Jokes Thread

Post by Trinity765 »

You should have told these jokes to that constipated mathematician. He had to work it out with a pencil.
User avatar
MingtheMerciless
Posts: 3554
Joined: Wed Mar 18, 2020 7:42 am
Location: Scarfolk on Sea
Has thanked: 2945 times
Been thanked: 1883 times

Re: Jokes Thread

Post by MingtheMerciless »

We are so lucky to still have jobs currently. I had a bloke decorating my house for the last three days. I got chatting to him and he is a Ryanair pilot on Furlough. He is decorating now to try and pay his mortgage, sad times but in fairness he did a great job on the landing.
"Of all the stories you told me, which ones were true and which ones weren't?"
"My dear Doctor, they're all true."
"Even the lies?"
"Especially the lies."
slowsider
Posts: 3189
Joined: Mon Mar 16, 2020 3:45 pm
Location: RoI
Has thanked: 1264 times
Been thanked: 1188 times

Re: Jokes Thread

Post by slowsider »

MingtheMerciless wrote: Thu Jan 28, 2021 7:31 pm We are so lucky to still have jobs currently. I had a bloke decorating my house for the last three days. I got chatting to him and he is a Ryanair pilot on Furlough. He is decorating now to try and pay his mortgage, sad times but in fairness he did a great job on the landing.
He was working for Taipan on Saturday 8-)
User avatar
MingtheMerciless
Posts: 3554
Joined: Wed Mar 18, 2020 7:42 am
Location: Scarfolk on Sea
Has thanked: 2945 times
Been thanked: 1883 times

Re: Jokes Thread

Post by MingtheMerciless »

D'oh, always late to the party!😁
"Of all the stories you told me, which ones were true and which ones weren't?"
"My dear Doctor, they're all true."
"Even the lies?"
"Especially the lies."