Jokes Thread

[Jody]

Not sure if I've done this one already......


I got told off by the campsite yesterday. They said that my dog Max had been chasing a kid on his bike.

I told them straight, Max doesn't even have a bike ffs

[Horse]

After rainbow liveries I can't tell if that's a joke or not.

Battenburg variations
.

Screenshot_20240804-133221.png (840.91 KiB) Viewed 711 times

[Sadlonelygit]

Grandson (8) got a detention during a spelling bee competition.
The adjudicator asked him to spell 'seaward'
My grandson said 'are you sure?'
They nodded!
Then, in his loudest , clearest tones went......

'C....U......N'

The adjudicator screamed 'that'll do thank you very much'

[Horse]

While many complain about life in general and the cost of living, etc, I am sitting on a sofa that costs £3,500.

I'm lovely and cool in front of an air-conditioning unit costing £2,300, watching the latest film on a 70" smart TV that cost £4,000.

Right now, I'm so happy, with no worries and not a care in the world.

Not even the staff at John Lewis, who keep asking me to leave, can spoil my day.

[Felix]

I thought Min Sun Tatis was a Korean dish until l realised that it was said by a Fifer.

[Jody]

People can change so quickly...


I tell someone that I love smearing Nutella on biscuits and licking it off and they like the idea.

As soon as they see that my dog is called Biscuits, they get all weird and don't want to talk to me anymore

[Yambo]

Some people . . .

You compliment your friend on their mustache and suddenly she's not your friend any more.

[Taipan]

Yorkshire man goes to the vet says, "This cat I've got, I'm fed up wi it, I want in neutered". "The vet says is he a Tom"? The man says, "No I brought him w'mee"...

[Yorick]

Yorkshire man goes to the vet says, "This cat I've got, I'm fed up wi it, I want in neutered". "The vet says is he a Tom"? The man says, "No I brought him w'mee"...

Very nearly

[Dodgy69]

[Felix]

A recent scientific study found that women find different male faces attractive depending on where they are in their menstrual cycle. For example, when ovulating she will prefer a man with rugged, masculine features. However when she is menstruating, she prefers a man doused in petrol and set on fire, with scissors stuck in his eye and a cricket stump shoved up his arse.

[Docca]

star logos images

[Felix]

I put vaseline on our front doorknob as a joke. My wife didn't find it funny, In fact she flew off the handle.

[Taipan]

[Taipan]

[Horse]

Screenshot_20240809-135516.png (1.05 MiB) Viewed 846 times

[Taipan]

[JackyJoll]

[gremlin]

My mate somewhat stupidly drank a bottle of invisible ink.

He's been down A&E for four hours now still hasn't been seen.

[Sadlonelygit]

Type fifty ten Hull into Google translate french.
Press play.......giggle!