Jokes Thread

[Taipan]

[weeksy]

[Dodgy69]

test keyboard

[ChrisW]

[MrLongbeard]

[Horse]

?

[Taipan]

A dying husband is lying in his hospital bed. He looks at his wife and says, "Our seventh child looks very different to the other six. Please be honest with me, does he have a different father to the others"?

She replies, "Yes he does".

The husband asks, "Who is he"?

The wife replies, "You"!

[Yorick]

Screenshot_20240903_172059_Facebook.jpg (337.42 KiB) Viewed 1209 times

[Pirahna]

[Skub]

You know when you're sitting on the shitter and you realise there's no bogroll left,then you have to do that daft trousers down waddling shuffle to get a new roll?

Well,I'm I'm almost at Tesco.

[Yorick]

You know when you're sitting on the shitter and you realise there's no bogroll left,then you have to do that daft trousers down waddling shuffle to get a new roll?

Well,I'm I'm almost at Tesco.

[Sadlonelygit]

Team GB Paralympic fencing failure

FB_IMG_1725449281225.jpg (68.05 KiB) Viewed 1138 times

[Horse]

Screenshot_20240905-130155.png (530.51 KiB) Viewed 1061 times

[MrLongbeard]

[Pirahna]

I love it when you're sitting outside and some dirty fucker on the next table starts smoking. I absolutely agree with banning it. If you want to smoke do it in your house, preferably with the windows closed.

[Taipan]

This makes me laugh more than it should do...

[Docca]

I love it when you're sitting outside and some dirty fucker on the next table starts smoking. I absolutely agree with banning it. If you want to smoke do it in your house, preferably with the windows closed.

Yep. My personal favourite: stand just outside the doorway to the pub and smoke. You then have to walk through the smoke to move about.

Selfish beyond words.

Imagine the sales pitch for smoking now: we will make it legal to sell the public something that only causes them harm …and possibly death. Not a single upside.

Smoke all you want to. In your house or garden. Don’t both vaping either because then folk think you’re just a fanny that can’t commit to smoking.

[MrLongbeard]

Weather guessers, throwing more darts at the board in the blind hope one might hit and be accurate

[Horse]

Weather forecasts = 'horoscopes with numbers'

[Taipan]

The forecasts maybe accurate but then the bastards start geoenginering with cloud seeding and solar radiation!