Insignificant/ Significant things that BYP or just wind you up a little

[Noggin]

Been having a few problems with our on line booking system - been like it for a while but thought I'd do something about it. So linked up to the ''on line 24/7 support''

What really gets me going is this ''modern speak''

''I'm reaching out to my...''

''I'll contact my team''

Why can't they just admit they don't know ???

And then it's the '' have a nice day now and enjoy''

Can't they see it's 9.30pm and I've spent the last 3/4 hour going round the houses and getting nowhere ?

Oh and just had the phone bill from ''reaching out'' to virgin media - £18.00 - cos I was on hold for 1.25 hours x 3. couldn;t put the phone down and dial again as I'd loose the place in the que. They did ring me the other day - I missed the call - had a message - ''it's virgin media calling'' - YES AND ????

Called them back and I'm at the back of the que again...

Oh well, have dropped BBC Wales X Ray program a line. we'll see.

I told one of the lads in the office if he ever uses reach out in my presence again I'll take his eyes out with a blunt spoon.

"to better manage your expectations" was one that SERIOUSLY P'd me off. One guy used it so often to me that I ended up pointing out that he couldn't manage my expectation - he could give me the information to enable me to manage my expectations but as they are Mine and in My head, HTF could HE Manage them

So much business bullshit - and it's so patronising (in general)!! Just say what you mean and we can sort things out. But don't wrap things up in bollox speak!!!

[slowsider]

Some people have decided that I should feel offended & the victim of racist policy by being referred to as a "Resident Alien" & they want to change the Calizuela law to refer to me as a Resident non-Citizen.
Of course these goddamn do gooders didn't bother to ask MY fucking opinion on the matter. I prefer Resident Alien.

Is it since the Space Force was inaugurated?

[Mr. Dazzle]

I told one of the lads in the office if he ever uses reach out in my presence again I'll take his eyes out with a blunt spoon.

Yep business speak does my head in, it's used by people to try and pretend they're high flying execs or something, but have you noticed the rest of their vocabulary and ability to use language/grammar is very limited?

"We're in alignment..."
"We'll take that offline..."

Then they send you an email or report with apostrophes scattered at random, split infinitives, random superlatives and bad speelings that make your teeth itch.

(that was on purpose btw)

Maybe they're just doing it to badly annoy you.

Edit. The one which gets my goat, probably the only one which gets my goat TBH (other than "expresso") is using "myself" and "yourself" completely inappropriately. I don't think I've ever used either word other than to say "I did it myself" or similar. Somehow people seem to think that saying "yourself" rather than "you" makes em sound more professional. It just makes you sound like a div IMO.

[DefTrap]

Maybe they're just doing it to badly annoy you.

Edit. The one which gets my goat, probably the only one which gets my goat TBH (other than "expresso") is using "myself" and "yourself" completely inappropriately. I don't think I've ever used either word other than to say "I did it myself" or similar. Somehow people seem to think that saying "yourself" rather than "you" makes em sound more professional. It just makes you sound like a div IMO.

I like watching policeman spokespeople interviewed on the telly as they destroy the English language using some strange and awkward 'pc acceptable' lingo they must have been taught. Either that or they've forgotten how to speak due to having to spend 90% of the day engaging with illiterate tykes.

[Silly Car]

Maybe they're just doing it to badly annoy you.

Edit. The one which gets my goat, probably the only one which gets my goat TBH (other than "expresso") is using "myself" and "yourself" completely inappropriately. I don't think I've ever used either word other than to say "I did it myself" or similar. Somehow people seem to think that saying "yourself" rather than "you" makes em sound more professional. It just makes you sound like a div IMO.

I like watching policeman spokespeople interviewed on the telly as they destroy the English language using some strange and awkward 'pc acceptable' lingo they must have been taught. Either that or they've forgotten how to speak due to having to spend 90% of the day engaging with illiterate tykes.

There is a YouTube channel I subscribe to where the main guy uses words just beyond his grasp of understanding. He uses “relevant” all of the time, when it isn’t relevant and respective should perhaps be used, he chucked in periphery recently instead of perimeter.

Great building channel though

[Wreckless Rat]

Modern car design “improvements”.

Things like plastic fucking spill rails - the twat that came up with that idea wants shooting.

[ZRX61]

Why do you need a title? Youve been there a decade or more?

I didn't decide to have a title, INS did, I prefer the original version.

[ZRX61]

People who take the trash bag out of the compactor & don't replace it so people like me end up accidentally dumping a filter full of coffee grounds in the metal casing...

[Asian Boss]

I told one of the lads in the office if he ever uses reach out in my presence again I'll take his eyes out with a blunt spoon.

Yep business speak does my head in, it's used by people to try and pretend they're high flying execs or something, but have you noticed the rest of their vocabulary and ability to use language/grammar is very limited?

"We're in alignment..."
"We'll take that offline..."

Then they send you an email or report with apostrophes scattered at random, split infinitives, random superlatives and bad speelings that make your teeth itch.

(that was on purpose btw)

They're probably lads only just off the tools, trying to make out they're big-time now they've got a white collar job of sorts.

Perish the thought.

[Mussels]

Trying to watch the film 'A Quiet Place' with someone who won't stop taking.

[Jody]

I put my 250 XC back together after having the frame powdercoated

It won't start

I'm back to work for the week now, next weekend I'll either work on it, or take it to the bike shop as my enthusiasm is pretty low !

[gremlin]

I told one of the lads in the office if he ever uses reach out in my presence again I'll take his eyes out with a blunt spoon.

Yep business speak does my head in, it's used by people to try and pretend they're high flying execs or something, but have you noticed the rest of their vocabulary and ability to use language/grammar is very limited?

"We're in alignment..."
"We'll take that offline..."

Then they send you an email or report with apostrophes scattered at random, split infinitives, random superlatives and bad speelings that make your teeth itch.

(that was on purpose btw)

Maybe they're just doing it to badly annoy you.

Edit. The one which gets my goat, probably the only one which gets my goat TBH (other than "expresso") is using "myself" and "yourself" completely inappropriately. I don't think I've ever used either word other than to say "I did it myself" or similar. Somehow people seem to think that saying "yourself" rather than "you" makes em sound more professional. It just makes you sound like a div IMO.

I once received an email and the sender signed off with a toe-curling, 'If I can be of any further assistance, please reach out to myself'

Winner!!

[David]

Yep business speak does my head in, it's used by people to try and pretend they're high flying execs or something, but have you noticed the rest of their vocabulary and ability to use language/grammar is very limited?

"We're in alignment..."
"We'll take that offline..."

Then they send you an email or report with apostrophes scattered at random, split infinitives, random superlatives and bad speelings that make your teeth itch.

(that was on purpose btw)

Maybe they're just doing it to badly annoy you.

Edit. The one which gets my goat, probably the only one which gets my goat TBH (other than "expresso") is using "myself" and "yourself" completely inappropriately. I don't think I've ever used either word other than to say "I did it myself" or similar. Somehow people seem to think that saying "yourself" rather than "you" makes em sound more professional. It just makes you sound like a div IMO.

I once received an email and the sender signed off with a toe-curling, 'If I can be of any further assistance, please reach out to myself'

Winner!!

Was the email from John Finnemore?

[Taipan]

The one that pisses me off is "emerging strategy". "Strategy" was bad enough when it overused in every meeting, but we have this new kid on the block. Wish we could have senior managers that could just plan and deliver...

[Wreckless Rat]

“Reach out” and “synergy” are the ones that grip my shit the most.

[Silly Car]

Fucking pointless design features...

We were getting a visit from a street cat through the cat flap, so we fitted a microchip version which stopped the problem.

The new kitten has yet to be chipped, so we thought we were safe to let him roam around the house, nope, the feisty little fecker has found his way out of the house through the cat flap... Initially we thought the batteries were goosed, but following a new set of batteries, a factory reset and we reduced the sensitivity of the sensor, the little shite still escapes!

Cat flap set to coded entry only to allow the adult cat back into the house and we contact Catmate who tell us exit is permitted for all, coded or otherwise as a design feature...

WTAF! The £100 piece of shit that allows timed entry per animal, tells us whether a beast is in or out and has numerous other functions doesn’t allow you to select whether a cat can exit or not...

[Pseudonym]

In a recent job advert I was interested in. I came across this beauty. *Must have HIGH knowledge of...........*. Grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr, instead of in depth knowledge of or something similar.

[Pseudonym]

A couple of weeks ago, I had to have a scan, so I am now wondering about my results. I ring up the docs, they don't have them yet, so I decide to ring the hospital. I wait while all the covid-19 stuff gets spoken about, the hospitals zero tolerance policy etc etc. By this time, you've been on the phone 5 minutes before even being allowed to get through to the switchboard. You ask for a certain department, then wait while all the phones go unanswered, You then get put through to a different section (one you've not asked for), only to get a voicemail message which cheerfully states that this voice message system doesn't allow messages so please don't leave one, and then the system hangs up.
I rang yesterday and was given a Consultant's name, so I rang and asked to speak to his secretary. Yep, she wasn't there. Please leave a message. I did and have heard nothing back.
I re-rung the hospital this morning and asked for this secretary, and got some other department who put me through to the Consultant's boss' secretary, and She wasn't available. Oh, please leave a message.
So, here I am still none the wiser with no idea if anyone is going to ring me back.

[Yambo]

A couple of weeks ago, I had to have a scan, so I am now wondering about my results.

They've lost the results. You'll have to do it all again to prove how wonderful the NHS is.

[Rockburner]

In a recent job advert I was interested in. I came across this beauty. *Must have HIGH knowledge of...........*. Grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr, instead of in depth knowledge of or something similar.

"Must have 10 years experience of programming in {language}" (That was first released 5 years ago).