Depression

[gremlin]

The Gremlinette had a flat tyre last night, so her car was running on the space-saver. I informed her that this wasn't a long term strategy, not least as it was on the front. She concurred. I ask if she wants to go and sort it now, get it done.

So we nip down to the local tyre place, me, her and my wallet, to see if it could be repaired. Short answer, no, but he had a new one, asked if I wanted it done, which I did.

I come back to the car and she's in a panic: why is he doing it now? Can we come back? I explained again about driving safety, but by now she's in tears and sweating. I ask her exactly what she's worried about. She tells me it that she now cannot leave and feels trapped. So I hold her hand and explain that, yes, we can leave, but that's letting the anxiety win. We can go for a walk, get a drink in the shop opposite, whatever we want to do. I also suggest to she refers to the hypnotherapy notes and do what he suggests. We sit and breathe (I'm good at breathing, me. So good I can do it in my sleep) and she's holding my hand and we talk shit for a while. Within 15 minutes, car is all done and she's all hyped and pleased that we'd done it.
She was so buzzing we cleaned the car to celebrate.

Little wins. Baby steps. Small victories.

[Yorick]

The Gremlinette had a flat tyre last night, so her car was running on the space-saver. I informed her that this wasn't a long term strategy, not least as it was on the front. She concurred. I ask if she wants to go and sort it now, get it done.

So we nip down to the local tyre place, me, her and my wallet, to see if it could be repaired. Short answer, no, but he had a new one, asked if I wanted it done, which I did.

I come back to the car and she's in a panic: why is he doing it now? Can we come back? I explained again about driving safety, but by now she's in tears and sweating. I ask her exactly what she's worried about. She tells me it that she now cannot leave and feels trapped. So I hold her hand and explain that, yes, we can leave, but that's letting the anxiety win. We can go for a walk, get a drink in the shop opposite, whatever we want to do. I also suggest to she refers to the hypnotherapy notes and do what he suggests. We sit and breathe (I'm good at breathing, me. So good I can do it in my sleep) and she's holding my hand and we talk shit for a while. Within 15 minutes, car is all done and she's all hyped and pleased that we'd done it.
She was so buzzing we cleaned the car to celebrate.

Little wins. Baby steps. Small victories.

She's a lucky girl to have you

[gremlin]

The uncanny thing is, Mrs. Gremlin had that exact same anxiety trigger. Motorways, queuing with a trolley in the supermarket, getting on public transport.

I know anxiety cannot be passed down through the genes, but fuck me, it's bizarre.

[gremlin]

She's a lucky girl to have you

I know. That's three new tyres she's had off me lately.

[Yorick]

She's a lucky girl to have you

I know. That's three new tyres she's had off me lately.

You always carry a couple around your waist for emergencies

[Yorick]

Blimey. His family are very brave to talk openly about this.

https://www.bbc.com/sport/cricket/articles/cy84x7rrppno

[Yorick]

Just been for an MRI scan for injured wrist. Fark. After 30 seconds I was scared. After a minute I screamed to let me out.
Never known my anxiety to be so high.

Fark. It was scary.

I think they're gonna request a scan with sedation.

[Taipan]

Blimey. His family are very brave to talk openly about this.

https://www.bbc.com/sport/cricket/articles/cy84x7rrppno

I’m glad they did. Hopefully it shows people that anyone, no matter what their status in life is, can be affected by this condition.

[gremlin]

She's a lucky girl to have you

Fuck's sake....

Her boyfriend has just broke up with her.

[Screwdriver]

Fuck's sake....

Her boyfriend has just broke up with her.

[Silly Car]

She's a lucky girl to have you

Fuck's sake....

Her boyfriend has just broke up with her.

He was a prick, none of us, including you, ever liked him, definitely not good enough and if you bung KFB a few quid, he’ll make sure he’s never seen or heard from ever again.

Without doubt, the young gremlinette will need some time, love and support, but having seen my daughters flourish over recent years, both with their own world’s problems when they were growing up, she’ll get through it.

[gremlin]

He was a prick, none of us, including you, ever liked him

The irony is, he's a nice lad, but has issues of his own. His dad died of cancer less than two years ago. I think he's still processing that, plus he's recently had a health diagnosis himself.

I do wonder if the recent issues the Gremlinette has had has simply proved a little too much for him.

Gremlinette is devastated as it was very unexpected and has hit her when she's feeling a bit low. Mrs. Gremlin is away this week so I've had to be the main source of hot chocolate, cuddles and sympathy.

[Mr Moofo]

He was a prick, none of us, including you, ever liked him

The irony is, he's a nice lad, but has issues of his own. His dad died of cancer less than two years ago. I think he's still processing that, plus he's recently had a health diagnosis himself.

I do wonder if the recent issues the Gremlinette has had has simply proved a little too much for him.

Gremlinette is devastated as it was very unexpected and has hit her when she's feeling a bit low. Mrs. Gremlin is away this week so I've had to be the main source of hot chocolate, cuddles and sympathy.

As a product of a severely depressed father, I can understand that at his time in life it was just another hassle he didn’t need. As you say, he has things he needs to come to terms with - and probably wants to go out, have fun, travel, have a laugh etc.

[the_priest]

Two weeks away on holiday, lots of walks and getting out with the daughter. She had massive issues with eating in public, so had to hide and so on, but we managed to get through the time. She has been able to get out each day for a considerable amount of walking (heck, I lost weight, so it was a lot of walking!) More importantly, she has another refeeding appt tomorrow, so that will take place and we take it from there for the next lot. She has psychotherapist appointments as well, also in touch with MIND. Things seem to be progressing, but it is very very hard work. Wife is knackered, the "holiday" wore her completely out.

[Buckaroo]

He was a prick, none of us, including you, ever liked him

The irony is, he's a nice lad, but has issues of his own. His dad died of cancer less than two years ago. I think he's still processing that, plus he's recently had a health diagnosis himself.

I do wonder if the recent issues the Gremlinette has had has simply proved a little too much for him.

Gremlinette is devastated as it was very unexpected and has hit her when she's feeling a bit low. Mrs. Gremlin is away this week so I've had to be the main source of hot chocolate, cuddles and sympathy.

As a product of a severely depressed father, I can understand that at his time in life it was just another hassle he didn’t need. As you say, he has things he needs to come to terms with - and probably wants to go out, have fun, travel, have a laugh etc.

As an aside, there's an important section in The Seven Habits where Covey discusses paradigms and the effect it has on how we see the world around us and how it steers our actions and responses. Not just related to your daughters ex partner, which reminded me, but something I find useful and perhaps others might too when dealing with some of the things life throws at us.

[Jody]

Apologies, I haven't read the thread but...

I just wanted to share with you a little trick I've recently learnt to help me stay positive.

In my phone, in the notes section, I made a page titled "good things are always happening"

Every day or two I try to add something.
This morning it was the €10 note I found while walking the dog.

2 days ago it was an unexpected "paid clean" and some beers left for me as a thank you by guests.

Every time I open the document, I am reminded of good things from a few days ago that I might otherwise have forgotten all about. Eg the 90's Fireblade sidecar outfit I saw a couple weeks ago.

This might not work for everybody, but I urge you to give it a go and see what happens

HTH

[gremlin]

Getting set to take the train to Manchester, as we have booked a doctor's appointment up there for the Gremlinette on Saturday morning. Over the past few weeks she's got to the point where she's not going out, has described her life as being devoid of any joy and having the constant feeling/fear of soiling herself, which is no doubt linked to the incident on the 'plane a few months ago where she was physically ill and had an upset stomach the whole of the flight. I suspect anti-depressants will be prescribed, as it sounds very much like the black dog has decided to spend some time with her.

Mrs. G was going up anyway, but I want to be in on the appointment so we can all try to figure a path forward. I'm very lucky to have an employer that provides bloody good medical care.

Much debate as to whether she's better up in Manny or back home with us. I'd love for her to stay with her friends and work this out for herself, albeit with professional help. Coming home feels like capitulation.



Saturday is also her 20th birthday. She should be having the time of her life, instead she can barely bring herself to get out of bed and get dressed. Not how I imagined my funny, out-going, vivacious and fun-loving daughter would spend her 20th.

[Taipan]

Getting set to take the train to Manchester, as we have booked a doctor's appointment up there for the Gremlinette on Saturday morning. Over the past few weeks she's got to the point where she's not going out, has described her life as being devoid of any joy and having the constant feeling/fear of soiling herself, which is no doubt linked to the incident on the 'plane a few months ago where she was physically ill and had an upset stomach the whole of the flight. I suspect anti-depressants will be prescribed, as it sounds very much like the black dog has decided to spend some time with her.

Mrs. G was going up anyway, but I want to be in on the appointment so we can all try to figure a path forward. I'm very lucky to have an employer that provides bloody good medical care.

Much debate as to whether she's better up in Manny or back home with us. I'd love for her to stay with her friends and work this out for herself, albeit with professional help. Coming home feels like capitulation.



Saturday is also her 20th birthday. She should be having the time of her life, instead she can barely bring herself to get out of bed and get dressed. Not how I imagined my funny, out-going, vivacious and fun-loving daughter would spend her 20th.

FWIW I dont think it is capitulation. WIth my kids, support was very much the key. If I hadn't had my Son in the house he wouldn't be here today, so as you can imagine, that's very much the place i'm coming from and your situation may be different. Good luck though, its the worse thing ever seeing your kids suffer like this and I empathise completely.

[Noggin]

Basically what Taipan said - it is NOT a capitulation

Sometime in life we have to take a few steps back, go somewhere comfortable/safe and then rebuild to restart

You don’t HAVE to keep going forwards. Sometimes taking stock and being at home is worth everything

Good luck for the appointment and hugs to you all. xxx

[gremlin]

Basically what Taipan said - it is NOT a capitulation

Sometime in life we have to take a few steps back, go somewhere comfortable/safe and then rebuild to restart

You don’t HAVE to keep going forwards. Sometimes taking stock and being at home is worth everything

Good luck for the appointment and hugs to you all. xxx

I feel that uni life lacks the structure she needs. She's awake all night, stressing, then sleeping in 'til afternoon. Her sleep health is crap, her nutrition is crap and she's becoming a recluse. All this is a vicious circle of declining mental health.
If she comes home, there will be a routine. I'm not talking Full Metal Jacket shouty drill sergeant, but she will need to get into a routine, eat well, sleep well, exercise, take breaks from social media. Maybe I can get C5 to arrange a 10 day break on a desert island...

Ultimately, us parents, the medical professionals, the counsellors, etc., can only provide the tools. She is the only one who can make herself better.

Frustrating and very saddening.