Re: Jokes Thread
Posted: Wed Mar 02, 2022 6:47 pm
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Jokes Thread
Page 42 of 146
Re: Jokes Thread
Posted: Wed Mar 02, 2022 10:58 pm
From two days ago:
https://www.bbc.co.uk/news/business-60557073
BBC wrote: Meerkat ads pulled over Ukraine war sensitivities
Re: Jokes Thread
Posted: Thu Mar 03, 2022 6:55 pm
Re: Jokes Thread
Posted: Thu Mar 03, 2022 9:37 pm
Keeps popping up on my FB feed:
'Busy?' Dave asked.
Death let out a long weary sigh.
'I'm always busy.'
'How do you find the time to do it all?'
'Time is relative. In fact, he's my cousin. Who owes me money.'
'Time travel?'
'It's not time travel as such. It's more that I exist simultaneously at all points in time. Or something. I wasn't really paying attention. Quantum physics was put together on a Friday afternoon. That's why humanity will never figure it out. Some of the bits are the wrong way round.'
How to be dead, books 1-3 by Dave Turner
'Busy?' Dave asked.
Death let out a long weary sigh.
'I'm always busy.'
'How do you find the time to do it all?'
'Time is relative. In fact, he's my cousin. Who owes me money.'
'Time travel?'
'It's not time travel as such. It's more that I exist simultaneously at all points in time. Or something. I wasn't really paying attention. Quantum physics was put together on a Friday afternoon. That's why humanity will never figure it out. Some of the bits are the wrong way round.'
How to be dead, books 1-3 by Dave Turner
Re: Jokes Thread
Posted: Fri Mar 04, 2022 9:10 am
Where's the punchline?MingtheMerciless wrote: Thu Mar 03, 2022 9:37 pm Keeps popping up on my FB feed:
'Busy?' Dave asked.
Death let out a long weary sigh.
'I'm always busy.'
'How do you find the time to do it all?'
'Time is relative. In fact, he's my cousin. Who owes me money.'
'Time travel?'
'It's not time travel as such. It's more that I exist simultaneously at all points in time. Or something. I wasn't really paying attention. Quantum physics was put together on a Friday afternoon. That's why humanity will never figure it out. Some of the bits are the wrong way round.'
How to be dead, books 1-3 by Dave Turner
Re: Jokes Thread
Posted: Fri Mar 04, 2022 9:11 am
Read the original by one T. Pratchett..........gremlin wrote: Fri Mar 04, 2022 9:10 amWhere's the punchline?MingtheMerciless wrote: Thu Mar 03, 2022 9:37 pm Keeps popping up on my FB feed:
'Busy?' Dave asked.
Death let out a long weary sigh.
'I'm always busy.'
'How do you find the time to do it all?'
'Time is relative. In fact, he's my cousin. Who owes me money.'
'Time travel?'
'It's not time travel as such. It's more that I exist simultaneously at all points in time. Or something. I wasn't really paying attention. Quantum physics was put together on a Friday afternoon. That's why humanity will never figure it out. Some of the bits are the wrong way round.'
How to be dead, books 1-3 by Dave Turner
Re: Jokes Thread
Posted: Fri Mar 04, 2022 10:54 am
I thought it was 42.David wrote: Fri Mar 04, 2022 9:11 amRead the original by one T. Pratchett..........gremlin wrote: Fri Mar 04, 2022 9:10 amWhere's the punchline?MingtheMerciless wrote: Thu Mar 03, 2022 9:37 pm Keeps popping up on my FB feed:
'Busy?' Dave asked.
Death let out a long weary sigh.
'I'm always busy.'
'How do you find the time to do it all?'
'Time is relative. In fact, he's my cousin. Who owes me money.'
'Time travel?'
'It's not time travel as such. It's more that I exist simultaneously at all points in time. Or something. I wasn't really paying attention. Quantum physics was put together on a Friday afternoon. That's why humanity will never figure it out. Some of the bits are the wrong way round.'
How to be dead, books 1-3 by Dave Turner
Re: Jokes Thread
Posted: Fri Mar 04, 2022 3:11 pm
According to Douglas Adams
Re: Jokes Thread
Posted: Sun Mar 06, 2022 7:07 pm
Re: Jokes Thread
Posted: Sun Mar 06, 2022 10:04 pm
I got the words “jacuzzi” and “yakuza” confused.
Now I’m in hot water with the Japanese mafia.
Now I’m in hot water with the Japanese mafia.
Re: Jokes Thread
Posted: Sun Mar 06, 2022 10:21 pm
loved the old Barry Crier gag
wife to Hubby
does my bum look big in this dress
Hubby to wife
Well to be fair dear, it is a very! small bathroom.
wife to Hubby
does my bum look big in this dress
Hubby to wife
Well to be fair dear, it is a very! small bathroom.
Re: Jokes Thread
Posted: Sun Mar 06, 2022 10:39 pm
I need that explained to me.rodbargee wrote: Sun Mar 06, 2022 10:21 pm loved the old Barry Crier gag
wife to Hubby
does my bum look big in this dress
Hubby to wife
Well to be fair dear, it is a very! small bathroom.
Re: Jokes Thread
Posted: Sun Mar 06, 2022 10:54 pm
her arse is huge in the bathroom too never mind the dress hubby spoke truth to power. very yarkshire innit
Re: Jokes Thread
Posted: Sun Mar 06, 2022 11:00 pm
What?rodbargee wrote: Sun Mar 06, 2022 10:54 pmher arse is huge in the bathroom too never mind the dress hubby spoke truth to power. very yarkshire innit
Re: Jokes Thread
Posted: Mon Mar 07, 2022 8:37 am
It should read...
"Does my bum look big in this?"
"Does my bum look big in this?"
Re: Jokes Thread
Posted: Mon Mar 07, 2022 9:10 am
Does this make my bum look big?
No dear, it's all the cake that does that.
No dear, it's all the cake that does that.
Re: Jokes Thread
Posted: Mon Mar 07, 2022 9:24 am
Or the one about the wife who wanted a breast enlargement.
'Just rub toilet paper between them', says the husband
'Will that make them bigger, then?' asks the wife.
'Well it seems to have made your arse a fucking site bigger over the years', replies the husband.
'Just rub toilet paper between them', says the husband
'Will that make them bigger, then?' asks the wife.
'Well it seems to have made your arse a fucking site bigger over the years', replies the husband.
Re: Jokes Thread
Posted: Tue Mar 08, 2022 10:49 am
No dear, your bum makes your bum look big, those jeans are doing everything in their power to make your bum look small but it's just too much for them !Count Steer wrote: Mon Mar 07, 2022 9:10 am Does this make my bum look big?
No dear, it's all the cake that does that.
Re: Jokes Thread
Posted: Tue Mar 08, 2022 10:54 am
I would have got that!
Re: Jokes Thread
Posted: Tue Mar 08, 2022 8:01 pm
