Depression

[tricol]

Lot's of relevant posts on these last few pages for me.

I genuinely hope that everyone who is suffering finds the peace they need to carry on. I don't have the same outlook on myself, that's for sure.

It's coming into the worst time of year for me. Winter. The short days, long nights, cold temps.

I've been clinging on with my finger nails for a few months now. My dad is going through cancer treatment. My mum is in the final stages of her dementia. Being in a different country makes it really difficult to deal with. I have no idea how to feel about it or how to handle it. It's added this huge weight onto my already crumbling shoulders.

My days are just filled with my anxiety being all over the place. One minute I think I'm alright, the next it feels like doomsday. You think you will get used to it but it's a constant drain.

Even on the recent thread I posted about the new MT, I've almost talked myself into selling the bike. That's how my brain works, it focuses on something negative and tries to make the worst out of sometimes really trivial situations. Then it spirals out of control, so I started thinking about the money I spent on getting the bike in the first place and how I was stupid to make the decision I did.

I tried loads of CBT years ago and I always seemed to get textbook principles used on me, but nothing worked. I always felt worse after sessions of CBT.

[weeksy]

Even on the recent thread I posted about the new MT, I've almost talked myself into selling the bike. That's how my brain works, it focuses on something negative and tries to make the worst out of sometimes really trivial situations. Then it spirals out of control, so I started thinking about the money I spent on getting the bike in the first place and how I was stupid to make the decision I did.

Clearly not quite related to the topic, but sort of.. If it's not making you go WOAH when you see/sit on it... then just get rid and get something else. There's little point saying "well i've lost .." you've not lost anything, you've just spent it and found what you bought isn't right. Like if you buy a burger that's average not great, you spend it, it's gone... move on. A bike is just a 'product' in the same way...

Find out with better test-riding what you DO want.... and make that happen instead. Life's too short for shit bikes.

[tricol]

I think I treat is as more complicated than that.

After years and years of being up to my neck in debt, I wanted this purchase to the right one. And in many ways it is (I even typed 'was' rather than 'is'). I'm not sure about the WOAH factor. But that's because if I had a Panigale in the garage I'd give myself a hard over that probably because I can't ride it fast. I have to not kid myself, I'm a new rider, only 3 years experience. Maybe I should have stuck with the Trident? Maybe I should have bought a shitter? Maybe I'm kidding myself thinking that it would be better for me if these upgrades on another bike make me a better ride, and in turn, happier. This is how my brain works, it jumps all over the doubt. Let's face it, I'm not using the MT to anywhere near it's capabilities, so why should I wreck my head over it's new riding position ffs!

Sorry, I hope this isn't going off topic too much.

[Yorick]

I think I treat is as more complicated than that.

After years and years of being up to my neck in debt, I wanted this purchase to the right one. And in many ways it is (I even typed 'was' rather than 'is'). I'm not sure about the WOAH factor. But that's because if I had a Panigale in the garage I'd give myself a hard over that probably because I can't ride it fast. I have to not kid myself, I'm a new rider, only 3 years experience. Maybe I should have stuck with the Trident? Maybe I should have bought a shitter? Maybe I'm kidding myself thinking that it would be better for me if these upgrades on another bike make me a better ride, and in turn, happier. This is how my brain works, it jumps all over the doubt. Let's face it, I'm not using the MT to anywhere near it's capabilities, so why should I wreck my head over it's new riding position ffs!

Sorry, I hope this isn't going off topic too much.

You crack on mate. Just talk. We'll listen.

[DefTrap]

I recently had 'a wobble'. I won't go into great detail, as far as impact goes really it was the most insignificant of insignificances, but the long and short of it was that out-of-the-blue I'm a bit crackers in a very specific way. It's a hard thing to take when the entire world sees a situation one way, and yet you yourself see it exactly the polar opposite and it all seems very clear, logical and indisputable - this was the bit I struggled with "Is everyone fibbing to me, including my nearest and dearest, those who love you the best?" It seems very cruel.

I'm not over it, I'm just slightly over the hill of accepting it, but I do now 'get it', and I really feel for those of you where mental health suffering has a big impact on their lives.

[mangocrazy]

I think I treat is as more complicated than that.

After years and years of being up to my neck in debt, I wanted this purchase to the right one. And in many ways it is (I even typed 'was' rather than 'is'). I'm not sure about the WOAH factor. But that's because if I had a Panigale in the garage I'd give myself a hard over that probably because I can't ride it fast. I have to not kid myself, I'm a new rider, only 3 years experience. Maybe I should have stuck with the Trident? Maybe I should have bought a shitter? Maybe I'm kidding myself thinking that it would be better for me if these upgrades on another bike make me a better ride, and in turn, happier. This is how my brain works, it jumps all over the doubt. Let's face it, I'm not using the MT to anywhere near it's capabilities, so why should I wreck my head over it's new riding position ffs!

Sorry, I hope this isn't going off topic too much.

I really, really wouldn't beat yourself up about not riding your bike to the limit of its capabilities. I'm prepared to bet that no-one on here does or can. Unless you're at least at BSB level, you're not going to use all the bike can do. I know it's easy to say, but don't feel bad that you can't ride as fast as someone else. I'm sure that everyone on here knows someone who's quicker than them, probably quite a few in fact. Unless yo'ure Marquez/Rossi/Stoner/Doohan/Lawson (delete as appropriate) there will always be someone 'better' than you.

What's important is the enjoyment you get out of the bike, the fun, the exhilaration, the pride of ownership , even the pleasure you can get from tinkering or doing maintenance. And if you find that there are things that get in the way of your enjoyment, those are the things you need to think about and find a way round, be it riding position, a jerky throttle, suspension that doesn't suit you etc. etc. All of those are fixable if you want to keep the MT, or there's the option of changing to a different bike. If you're not getting what you want out of a bike, then either fix it or change it - you don't have to view your choice as irreversible and absolutely no-one would 'judge' you for it. In fact most of the folk on here get quite excited any time anyone is thinking of changing their bike...

[Yorick]

I think I treat is as more complicated than that.

After years and years of being up to my neck in debt, I wanted this purchase to the right one. And in many ways it is (I even typed 'was' rather than 'is'). I'm not sure about the WOAH factor. But that's because if I had a Panigale in the garage I'd give myself a hard over that probably because I can't ride it fast. I have to not kid myself, I'm a new rider, only 3 years experience. Maybe I should have stuck with the Trident? Maybe I should have bought a shitter? Maybe I'm kidding myself thinking that it would be better for me if these upgrades on another bike make me a better ride, and in turn, happier. This is how my brain works, it jumps all over the doubt. Let's face it, I'm not using the MT to anywhere near it's capabilities, so why should I wreck my head over it's new riding position ffs!

Sorry, I hope this isn't going off topic too much.

I really, really wouldn't beat yourself up about not riding your bike to the limit of its capabilities. I'm prepared to bet that no-one on here does or can. Unless you're at least at BSB level, you're not going to use all the bike can do. I know it's easy to say, but don't feel bad that you can't ride as fast as someone else. I'm sure that everyone on here knows someone who's quicker than them, probably quite a few in fact. Unless yo'ure Marquez/Rossi/Stoner/Doohan/Lawson (delete as appropriate) there will always be someone 'better' than you.

What's important is the enjoyment you get out of the bike, the fun, the exhilaration, the pride of ownership , even the pleasure you can get from tinkering or doing maintenance. And if you find that there are things that get in the way of your enjoyment, those are the things you need to think about and find a way round, be it riding position, a jerky throttle, suspension that doesn't suit you etc. etc. All of those are fixable if you want to keep the MT, or there's the option of changing to a different bike. If you're not getting what you want out of a bike, then either fix it or change it - you don't have to view your choice as irreversible and absolutely no-one would 'judge' you for it. In fact most of the folk on here get quite excited any time anyone is thinking of changing their bike...

Taipan soon

[MyLittleStudPony]

I recently had 'a wobble'. I won't go into great detail, as far as impact goes really it was the most insignificant of insignificances, but the long and short of it was that out-of-the-blue I'm a bit crackers in a very specific way. It's a hard thing to take when the entire world sees a situation one way, and yet you yourself see it exactly the polar opposite and it all seems very clear, logical and indisputable - this was the bit I struggled with "Is everyone fibbing to me, including my nearest and dearest, those who love you the best?" It seems very cruel.

I'm not over it, I'm just slightly over the hill of accepting it, but I do now 'get it', and I really feel for those of you where mental health suffering has a big impact on their lives.

I hope you're ok, I'm glad you're aware of it and dealing with it.

When I had my biggy, it was like I became a different person, on a different planet, having someone else's thoughts. Ok, it wasn't a different planet, it was this one but some stuff was very much not as per reality. The thing was I knew it was mental health making me believe or feel or sometimes hear and smell those unreal things. But that didn't turn them of or negate them - to me that was still 100% reality. Weird I know.

[tricol]

I really, really wouldn't beat yourself up about not riding your bike to the limit of its capabilities

That's the tip of the iceberg. I know I've made this about the MT, being a very recent example. But I think lots of my issues stem from the usual low self asteem. It's been talked about many times, in CBT, or other talking therapies. Never really got to the bottom of it. I decided all on my own that I'm shite at most things, whether it's doing something physical, or making stupid choices that I later regret.

I never had any positive re-inforcement growing up. I never got any praise from my parents, I never got asked about the things I liked doing. Only ever being grumbled at, usually for coming home covered in mud from riding my bike or playing football. Nobody took an interest in me. I think that just fills me with self doubt at everything, right down to the silly things like above. You'd think I'd have it figured out at 41.

[MyLittleStudPony]

Lot's of relevant posts on these last few pages for me.

I genuinely hope that everyone who is suffering finds the peace they need to carry on. I don't have the same outlook on myself, that's for sure.

It's coming into the worst time of year for me. Winter. The short days, long nights, cold temps.

I've been clinging on with my finger nails for a few months now. My dad is going through cancer treatment. My mum is in the final stages of her dementia. Being in a different country makes it really difficult to deal with. I have no idea how to feel about it or how to handle it. It's added this huge weight onto my already crumbling shoulders.

My days are just filled with my anxiety being all over the place. One minute I think I'm alright, the next it feels like doomsday. You think you will get used to it but it's a constant drain.

Even on the recent thread I posted about the new MT, I've almost talked myself into selling the bike. That's how my brain works, it focuses on something negative and tries to make the worst out of sometimes really trivial situations. Then it spirals out of control, so I started thinking about the money I spent on getting the bike in the first place and how I was stupid to make the decision I did.

I tried loads of CBT years ago and I always seemed to get textbook principles used on me, but nothing worked. I always felt worse after sessions of CBT.

That sounds hard, and I'm sorry to hear about your parents too. You are doing well, keeping things on an even keel and being logical and sensible and communicating about these issues.

I don't know what the answer will be for you. For me it was antidepressants and time and the right people supporting me; but that was me and we're all different.

I do know that when I was down, and also with friends who've had it, there is always an up after each down and after a while things look and feel more normal and happy again.

[Dodgy69]

https://maps.app.goo.gl/DJpG6CGGVdkbMcDh7

Two nights in Llandudno, nice restaurants close by, nice walks, does us all a world of good.

[MrLongbeard]

https://maps.app.goo.gl/DJpG6CGGVdkbMcDh7

Two nights in Llandudno, nice restaurants close by, nice walks, does us all a world of good.

I was there earlier in the year, quite nice if it wasn't filled with tourists

[Yorick]

15 minutes ago I started screaming and if there'd been a gun here, I'd have used it.

I made great pals with a lovely couple and the missus is slowly dying. Have made great pals and when we parted earlier it was a bit weepy.

Head was in a mess walking home and when I got in, Pen was on the patio with her UK pals having a great old time giggling and drinking

My head went and wanted to throw and smash things. The urge was berserk, so I screamed. Pen came in and just gave me a long quiet hug.

Calm now but was real scary. Walking nightmare.

The head is a funny thing.

CBA to explain the whole thing, but could write pages and pages trying to explain it

I'm trembling inside, but no idea why. I'm so so happy really, but sometimes I just feel shit. Sometimes 100% unhappy, rather than depressed

[MyLittleStudPony]

Yorick, that sounds scary and really not nice.

I'm glad nothing worse happened and Pen sounds great, you are lucky to have her love and support.

Have you considered getting professional help? I don't mean that facetiously, it might make things better going forward. Maybe you already have, just a thought.

I hope you feel ok now.

[Yorick]

Yorick, that sounds scary and really not nice.

I'm glad nothing worse happened and Pen sounds great, you are lucky to have her love and support.

Have you considered getting professional help? I don't mean that facetiously, it might make things better going forward. Maybe you already have, just a thought.

I hope you feel ok now.

At the time I knew it was only temporary, but still scary. I am learning to live with it and deal with it.
Most of the time I'm happy as Larry.

[tricol]

Sounds pretty horrible @Yorick

Do you often feel angry? I never used to feel angry, but the older I've got the worst I've got. Thankfully I don't verbalize it or anything, I end up shutting down with it.

Today has already started sh1te with work stuff that is going to be a pain.

[Yorick]

Sounds pretty horrible @Yorick

Do you often feel angry? I never used to feel angry, but the older I've got the worst I've got. Thankfully I don't verbalize it or anything, I end up shutting down with it.

Today has already started sh1te with work stuff that is going to be a pain.

No, I rarely feel angry about anything. But often anxious and frustrated.

[Potter]

That's the tip of the iceberg. I know I've made this about the MT, being a very recent example. But I think lots of my issues stem from the usual low self asteem. It's been talked about many times, in CBT, or other talking therapies. Never really got to the bottom of it. I decided all on my own that I'm shite at most things, whether it's doing something physical, or making stupid choices that I later regret.

I think making stupid choices that you later regret is ok and feeling bad about them seems to be inbuilt. I feel bad about some of the things I buy to a degree that I seem to have cyclical panic events where I sell a load of stuff to make me feel like I haven't got such burdens. My daughter once called an intervention to ask if I was dying or in big debt because I was in a panic selling everything.

I think I agree with Weeksy, if it's causing anxiety then sell it and move on, it seems to make me feel better when I sell the objects of my anxiety.

[tricol]

I think I will likely keep it, as I'll have to stump up more money to get something else and I know that will add in more stress.

On another note, I haven't been on medication for my depression/anxiety for years. I found it didn't do anything for me other than some nasty side effects. I do wonder now if it is time to revisit. Something has to change because I'm close to having a breakdown.

[Potter]

When I had my biggy, it was like I became a different person, on a different planet, having someone else's thoughts.

I'm being only a little flippant when I say I feel like I've been doing that for a long time.

Recently though I found myself in a precarious position and sort of 'woke up' to where I was and what I was doing, it was a proper WTF moment and I left the situation behind rather quickly. It was scary, and worrying that it may be possible to get stuck in being someone else and not come back, or come back too late and wake up in prison or something equally nutty.

It's stress and anxiety and I think your brain must just switch off for a break, one of my friends is a psychiatrist and he researches this with a group of other shrinks, he said extreme stress or trauma can force multiple personalities to emerge. I'm not sure it was another personality that came out, but looking back it's definitely like remembering a movie, not an actual event.