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To Soon?
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Felix
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Taipan
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Re: To Soon?
At the World Cup, Scotland and England get drawn against each other. A scrawny wee Scotland fan accidentally buys a ticket for the wrong end of the stadium
Before he's even realised his mistake, a dozen big English hooligans take their seats, 6 on either side of him.
"Oh-ho-ho", says the biggest of them. "What have we here? A scrawny wee Jock in the England section?"
"Fuck off," says the Scot.
"Well, that's not very nice," says the hooligan. "But I tell you what, as a peace offering, why don't you go get us all a beer each?"
"Got no money," says the Scot, provoking a round of cheap Scotsman jokes before the big England fan gets his own wallet out and tells the Scotsman to use that.
"But before you go," he says, "we're worried you might run away, so give us your shoes."
The Scotland fan looks either side, realises there's no way out and hands over his shoes then goes to buy the hooligans their beers.
When he comes back, the biggest one says: "You were gone a long time, Jock. We started to think you really had run away."
"Naw," the Scotsman says as he hands out the beers. "Naw, just a really big queue. Besides, I wouldn't miss this for the world."
"Well, here you go," says the England fan and hands the shoes back. But as the Scot takes them, he notices a foul smell and looks inside to see the hooligans have taken a shit inside each shoe. He looks up at the big England fan who stares right back at him, takes a long sip of his beer then says: "Put them on."
Again, the Scotland fan looks about, realises there's no escaping, and <squelch>, <squelch>, he puts them on.
The rest of the match passes without incident and at the final whistle the England fans let him go. As he's leaving the stadium, though, a local American TV crew sees him exiting from the England section and run over to him, hopeful for a nice human interest story.
"Sir, sir!" the presenter says, rushing up to him with her mic. "You're a Scotland fan but you've just come out the England section. Would you say this might be a sign that after centuries of animosity, fans of your two countries can finally get along and be friends?"
The Scotsman looks right into the camera and says: "Naw. Naw I don't. We'll never be friends. Not as long as they keep shitting in our shoes - and we keep pissing in their beer."
Before he's even realised his mistake, a dozen big English hooligans take their seats, 6 on either side of him.
"Oh-ho-ho", says the biggest of them. "What have we here? A scrawny wee Jock in the England section?"
"Fuck off," says the Scot.
"Well, that's not very nice," says the hooligan. "But I tell you what, as a peace offering, why don't you go get us all a beer each?"
"Got no money," says the Scot, provoking a round of cheap Scotsman jokes before the big England fan gets his own wallet out and tells the Scotsman to use that.
"But before you go," he says, "we're worried you might run away, so give us your shoes."
The Scotland fan looks either side, realises there's no way out and hands over his shoes then goes to buy the hooligans their beers.
When he comes back, the biggest one says: "You were gone a long time, Jock. We started to think you really had run away."
"Naw," the Scotsman says as he hands out the beers. "Naw, just a really big queue. Besides, I wouldn't miss this for the world."
"Well, here you go," says the England fan and hands the shoes back. But as the Scot takes them, he notices a foul smell and looks inside to see the hooligans have taken a shit inside each shoe. He looks up at the big England fan who stares right back at him, takes a long sip of his beer then says: "Put them on."
Again, the Scotland fan looks about, realises there's no escaping, and <squelch>, <squelch>, he puts them on.
The rest of the match passes without incident and at the final whistle the England fans let him go. As he's leaving the stadium, though, a local American TV crew sees him exiting from the England section and run over to him, hopeful for a nice human interest story.
"Sir, sir!" the presenter says, rushing up to him with her mic. "You're a Scotland fan but you've just come out the England section. Would you say this might be a sign that after centuries of animosity, fans of your two countries can finally get along and be friends?"
The Scotsman looks right into the camera and says: "Naw. Naw I don't. We'll never be friends. Not as long as they keep shitting in our shoes - and we keep pissing in their beer."
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Taipan
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Re: To Soon?
“What do you call a Scotsman in the second round of a World Cup?” 
“A referee.”
“A referee.”
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Taipan
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Supermofo
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Re: To Soon?
It's why England waited till the semi's as the bin men were busying collecting all the Scottish stuff a couple of weeks ago
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Felix
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Re: To Soon?
I dont know if this was real accounts but on Facebook but i stumbled across an alleged Harry Kane post (13m followers) apologising for letting folk down. I made a comment about while you wait for the next world cup you could join the Olympic diving team. Nico O'Reilly gave me a like 
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Felix
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Re: To Soon?
Now i know that is bollocks. We took our shite home. Coaching team and boot boys in all.