PANIC BUY!

[Dodgy69]

I keep my arsehole hidden deep between my cheeks.

[Skub]

I keep my arsehole hidden deep between my cheeks.

I thought that's where you kept the Munky?

[Dodgy69]

The Monkey keeps me, you're getting mixed up.

[Trinity765]

I haven't come across any shortages while I have been out and about though I am filling up more often just incase.

[cheb]

No shortages and no queues when I filled van with diesel today. It's the thick end of two and half Euro per litre, more on the autobahns.

I picked the wrong fortnight to do 8,000 kilometres in the van. Germany to the south of England and back with a couple of return trips to the islands for good measure,

[McNab]

I Filled up the bike on Tuesday afternoon. as per usual. As I was filling the woman from the shop was hanging the yellow thing on half the unleaded pumps. Apparently they were shutting them off because of "The fuel crisis and people over buying".

I'm not quite sure how people "over buy" fuel.

[Horse]

Smearing poo around your bum on bits of paper is a dirty habit, once you stop doing it you'll never go back to it, it's disgusting, if you don't have bidets then you can have a shattaf fitted so you can wash yourself properly with soap and water after pooing.

@IccyV2

If you're having some sort of social event, do you provide a pile of towels and a [dedicated?] linen bin for them once used?

We've had circa 60 people here for a party from 2-12pm. That's potentially a lot of towels!

[IccyV2]

Smearing poo around your bum on bits of paper is a dirty habit, once you stop doing it you'll never go back to it, it's disgusting, if you don't have bidets then you can have a shattaf fitted so you can wash yourself properly with soap and water after pooing.

@IccyV2

If you're having some sort of social event, do you provide a pile of towels and a [dedicated?] linen bin for them once used?

We've had circa 60 people here for a party from 2-12pm. That's potentially a lot of towels!

You're washing an area that is smaller than the surface area of the palm of your hand, so you just need a single standard 11" x 11" paper towel to dry yourself afterwards, like when you wash your hands. Once you get skilled at it you don't really need anything to dry yourself, but it's easy to provide a paper towel each.

[gremlin]

The price of oil has gone up for obvious reasons, so the UAE has made all electric car chargers free to use whilst this conflict is going on.

Smearing poo around your bum on bits of paper is a dirty habit, once you stop doing it you'll never go back to it, it's disgusting, if you don't have bidets then you can have a shattaf fitted so you can wash yourself properly with soap and water after pooing.
You'll thank me for this if you get one fitted, all our friends that visit have it done immediately when they go back to the UK.

Meh,just hoist yer arse into the sink and give it a splash.

Handstand in the shower, for the more athletic among us.

I do keep meaning to get a trigger-shower-hose attachment (shattaf - presumably a mispronunciation of 'shit off') for the shitters in Chez Gremlin, as they're good for both cleaning the clinkers from your crack and jetting off skids from the bowl. Ain't done it yet, but the vision of a sparkly clean arsehole bringing unbridled joy to my life does have a certain enviable appeal.
The electric techno-shitters I've sampled in Asia are step too far, mind. I don't need my bum hairs being blow-dried after dropping the kids off swimming.

[cheb]

I'll consider installing a bidet when the bristles on the Clag Gone wear out.

[KungFooBob]

I'll consider installing a bidet when the bristles on the Clag Gone wear out.

[JackyJoll]

Smearing poo around your bum on bits of paper is a dirty habit, once you stop doing it you'll never go back to it, it's disgusting, if you don't have bidets then you can have a shattaf fitted so you can wash yourself properly with soap and water after pooing.
You'll thank me for this if you get one fitted, all our friends that visit have it done immediately when they go back to the UK.

He’s been radicalised!

[Horse]

the vision of a sparkly clean arsehole bringing unbridled joy to my life does have a certain enviable appeal.

Trouble is, you'd feel obliged to [over] share that joy ...

.

[gremlin]

the vision of a sparkly clean arsehole bringing unbridled joy to my life does have a certain enviable appeal.

Trouble is, you'd feel obliged to [over] share that joy ...

.

Nah. I'm a sensitive soul and all it would take is one sideways comment or a wink emoji and I'd be traumatised to the point of having to share my distress to all you lot.

[cheb]

Do you lot reckon it's worth pre-emptively copyrighting 'Kissably clean' as a bidet advertising slogan?

[JackyJoll]

Do you lot reckon it's worth pre-emptively copyrighting 'Kissably clean' as a bidet advertising slogan?

That’s better than Harpic’s “Are you clean round the bend?”

[cheb]

I've never really understood the obsession some people have with disinfecting toilets. Clean, yes, by why the need to kill 99.9% of known bacteria. It's not like you eat you dinner off it.

[Taipan]

I've never really understood the obsession some people have with disinfecting toilets. Clean, yes, by why the need to kill 99.9% of known bacteria. It's not like you eat you dinner off it.

Think it through man, think it through!

[Count Steer]

Having had bidets (that matched the rest of the toilet suites) for years - when looking at a rather fancy new build house I said to the salesperson 'Wot? Not a bidet in the whole place?'.

'Oh no sir' says she 'nobody wants those any more, all our houses have showers these days'.



'Well, somebody wants them. We do'.

Really useful inc. for washing your feet.

Try getting one as part of a matching bathroom suite in the UK these days - the choice is somewhere between zero and minimal.

[JackyJoll]

What- I can’t get a bidet to match my fashionable avocado suite??!