Jokes Thread

[Taipan]

Is it like spill the beans?

Yes.

[636mick]

Just 5 days to Christmas, according to how much chocolate is left in my advent calendar.

[636mick]

Snow White, Superman and Pinocchio are out for a
stroll in town one day. As they walk, they come across a sign: "Beauty
contest for the most beautiful woman in the world."
"I'm entering" says Snow White.
After half an hour she comes out and they ask her,
"Well, how did you do?"
"First Place," says Snow White. They continue walking and they see a sign: "Contest
for the strongest man in the world."
"I'm entering," says Superman. After half an hour he returns and they ask him, "How
did you make out?" "First Place," answers Superman. "Did you ever
doubt?"
They continue walking when they see a sign: "Contest! Who is the greatest liar in the world?"
Pinocchio says "this is mine"
Half an hour later, he returns with tears in his eyes.
"What happened?" they ask.
"Who the hell is Rachel Reeves asks Pinocchio

[Mr. Dazzle]

Surely Pinocchio is the worst liar ever?

[weeksy]

"Who the hell is Rachel Reeves asks Pinocchio

Good question... who is she ?

[Taipan]

[Pirahna]

"Who the hell is Rachel Reeves asks Pinocchio

Good question... who is she ?

She is your British Chancellor of the Exchequer.

[Tomcat]

Just 5 days to Christmas, according to how much chocolate is left in my advent calendar.

You're about a month late on that one

[Taipan]

[KungFooBob]

Tampax are replacing the string on their products with tinsel, but only for the Christmas period.

[Sadlonelygit]

The Gregg Wallace fry up

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[Taipan]

1d3 dice

[JackyJoll]

[KungFooBob]

I've got a load of Victoria Secret bra sets off the back of a lorry which will make awesome Christmas presents.
If you can send me a picture of your Mrs tits, I'll let you know if I have any that'll fit.

[Taipan]

Went to my first pornaholics meeting toinight. I had to leave though as the place was full of wankers!

[Mr. Dazzle]

I asked my bald colleague if he knows a good place to get a toupee.

"Not off the top of my head" was his answer.

[ZRX61]

I had my leg X-rayed today.
The doctor said: 'Your patella measures 2.54cm'.
I asked: 'Inch high knees?'
He said: '你的髌骨 措施 2.54 厘米'

[Skub]

[Felix]

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[Taipan]

A 3 foot 3 inch man knocked on my door this morning.
I said 'Who are you?'
He replied 'I'm the meter man'!