What do you do to get out of the darkness ?

[irie]

I believe there are similar services all over the country

There are, but people first of all have to want to help themselves. Taking the first step is the most difficult in starting to help yourself find a route "out of the darkness".

Edit: remove "be"

[irie]

On the subject of "pills", there's nothing intrinsically wrong with antidepressants, but they're not as many GPS seem to think a solution in themselves*. In principle antidepressants should be treated as a stepping stone during the process of sorting out underlying psychological issues.

* Well, truthfully, they might be, there are many people who will never function 'normally' without their antidepressants.

[The Martian]

Lucky I'm relaxing with a cider or I'd be getting the ban hammer out.

It's ok, I'll do it for you.. just sit back, listen and relax
[

[irie]

Lucky I'm relaxing with a cider or I'd be getting the ban hammer out.

It's ok, I'll do it for you.. just sit back, listen and relax

Ha, a hammer? Chase me and catch me if you can ...

[Trinity765]

There's good and bad in everything and 2020 is no exception. I accept that it is easy to say that when no one I know has suffered from covid 19 and my job seems secure. Infact, workwise, I couldn't have been in a better position at the start of this year having just accepted a role in Cloud telephony, a technology that saved the day and gave us the ability to send everyone home to work.

I was sent home in March and that was the last time I was in the office. We have offices in Hong Kong and China who were, at that time, going back to work after a lockdown of only a few weeks so when I "cleared out my locker" I didn't take anything as I thought that we too would be back in the office within a couple of weeks.

My Mum has Alzheimer's, COPD and heart failure. I cancelled her carers as I believed they posed the biggest risk and for the next couple of months I worked from her house and took care of her. This was the lowest point, she had a bout of cellulitis over her face and she was in a lot of pain. It broke my heart to watch her repeatedly wake up every hour or so, realising she was in pain but not knowing why and start touching her face. I had to tell her each time that she had cellulitis.

I did a lot of walking. I live next to the south downs and the days were glorious and long.

By June my Mum's cellulitis had cleared up and lockdowns were relaxing. I arranged some respite care for my Mum in a nursing home. This was a huge learning curve as I now know what its like to move a parent into a nursing home. She didn't like it and it confused her. While she was in there my sons and I made some adaptations to her home to make it easier for her when she came back. These were simple adaptations that have been very beneficial but I couldn't see the wood for the trees until I had the headspace afforded me by having someone else take care of her for a bit. I booked myself some accommodation on the Wales/England border and took week off work. As luck would have it, Wales opened for unrestricted travel on the Monday I was setting off. It rained every day but I rode my favourite roads, went to my favourite towns and got my therapy.

Back at home and with my Mum out of the nursing home I reinstated her care package.

I then started to focus on my own flat. A new office space, getting rid of the TV, decorating and new flooring has given my home a new lease of life in a contemporary style that I'm a little bit proud of.

This year has given me a chance to look down more, at the things closer to me. I've had the time to ask myself what is actually important and what do I really want and need. Its not that I haven't asked myself these things in the past, but rather this year I have had more time to contemplate.

I don't dont want this year to end as that will mean 2021 (sorry, couldn't resist that one).

[Horse]

Perhaps an overlapping question:

What can we do to help others get out of their darkness?

[weeksy]

Perhaps an overlapping question:

What can we do to help others get out of their darkness?

I think sometimes something as simple as a Whatsapp, text, email, private message is plenty... People can easily feel abandoned at the moment and just a quick message can bring a smile.

[cheb]

You can sit in the hole with them, hard work but rewarding when they climb out, and it can help with understanding why people end up in the hole.

[Trinity765]

Perhaps an overlapping question:

What can we do to help others get out of their darkness?

Different people need different things. Some want to be left in a cave on their own and some want to talk and interact. How would I know what you need?

[Horse]

Perhaps an overlapping question:

What can we do to help others get out of their darkness?

Different people need different things. Some want to be left in a cave on their own and some want to talk and interact. How would I know what you need?

As I said much earlier in the thread, I count myself lucky as being in a good place. But thanks for asking - which, presumably, was the point.

And, yes, that is something I have done deliberately since Lockdown 1 started. Ironically, one colleague initially said she was really concerned about the isolation. When I asked again, she actually was enjoying the changes and new ways of socialising etc.

[Trinity765]

Perhaps an overlapping question:

What can we do to help others get out of their darkness?

Different people need different things. Some want to be left in a cave on their own and some want to talk and interact. How would I know what you need?

As I said much earlier in the thread, I count myself lucky as being in a good place. But thanks for asking - which, presumably, was the point.

And, yes, that is something I have done deliberately since Lockdown 1 started. Ironically, one colleague initially said she was really concerned about the isolation. When I asked again, she actually was enjoying the changes and new ways of socialising etc.

Yes, it was a genuine question.

[Trinity765]

Over on another thread I posted some marketing advice from a freind. She is my best and I have known her over 40 years. She has had a horrific year, losing her Mum quite suddenly to cancer. She is a workaholic and I have learned that when she is stressed she likes to tell people what to do. She also needs to interact. By asking for advice it engaged the things she likes most. It was a win win.

The problem is I only know a handful of people that well and people don't generally tell you what they need. We are rubbish at doing that.

I'm a cave dweller btw.

[Horse]

Yes, it was a genuine question.

And thank you for it.

Here's what I said earlier:

Oddly, I'm fairly content at the moment. The op in August has largely cured the permanent headaches and is helping other stuff. Plus, successfully WfH since March has eliminated 2 hours commuting every day.

However ... Filly needs things to look forward to, my op wasn't in that category! Plus, because of self isolation we had to cancel our holiday. Since then, other stuff we wanted to do has had to be canned. Also, her work has become more stressful due to covid secure requirements.

[Pseudonym]

Since March when Covid-19 hit everyone, my world has not been good.

I can't wait for 2020 to be over, as this disease has affected so much in my/our lives since March, and continues to do so. I'm pleased none of my family have become ill though, but then none of us have actually gone anywhere/been able to do much at all.

[slowsider]

Different people need different things.

Indeed.

For me, I think I led a typical very selfish western life of entitlement, and often felt sorry for myself until I started moving around the world and seeing the unfortunate circumstances that other people had to deal with. I was sitting there fed and well educated, whilst people in other parts of the world were literally watching their children starve to death, with actually no way of doing anything about it no matter how much of a positive attitude they put on.

I felt guilty about it for a while actually and in some ways I wish I could go back to being a kid knowing what I know now so I could be less demanding of life.

It's really hard to always be positive, but being warm and well fed alone is more than millions of people get, so moaning about anything else would make me feel a bit ungrateful. I have down days like everyone else, but when they come I try to think about some of the people that aren't even going to eat today and that works to keep me from thinking I'm in a bad place.

Some things in life are bad
They can really make you mad
Other things just make you swear and curse
When you're chewing on life's gristle
Don't grumble, give a whistle
And this'll help things turn out for the best

[Couchy]

2020 has been weird, I suffer massively from anxiety and most will know why, before 2020 it could be quite debilitating as I’d have to plan everything, 2020 has been much more restrictive so I haven’t had to plan for so many different eventualities and outcomes. The lockdowns have meant things have been simpler to deal with. I haven’t had one anxiety attack since March. But I have found other things to worry about but I’ve also seen others lose jobs and have relatives with Covid and it’s made me realise how lucky I am especially where work and making ends meet is concerned. I’ve also focused much more on making sure my daughter is kept occupied and trying to make things as normal as possible for the family. My old man has got dementia and cancer and it’s not going too well, I sometimes look at him and think I’m not slowing down as if that’s how it all ends up I need to keep going doing as much as possible

[Horse]

I suffer massively from anxiety and most will know why,

.... I need to keep going doing as much as possible

I don't (and don't need to) know (and if I have read it, then I've forgotten, so apologies).

But ...

Your posts here are very often incredibly positive and I thoroughly enjoy reading about your achievements. (and a bit jealous). Thank you, and best wishes.

[Couchy]

I suffer massively from anxiety and most will know why,

.... I need to keep going doing as much as possible

I don't (and don't need to) know (and if I have read it, then I've forgotten, so apologies).

But ...

Your posts here are very often incredibly positive and I thoroughly enjoy reading about your achievements. (and a bit jealous). Thank you, and best wishes.

Grib passing away was the trigger and I won’t ever recover properly but I’ve accepted that, you wouldn’t believe the anxiety I get heading out on a motorbike or how I have to force myself to do it. What you see on line is normal me who I wish I could be every day but it’s not to be and I kind of live with it and occasionally fall over, only sharing here as I can see some may be struggling and it may help them knowing they aren’t alone

[irie]

Grib passing away ...

I remember. I did once meet both of you, and I also remember the pics of you on a digger in the garden, for example. Some things you never really get over, you just have to let them go by but they're still there if you turn around and look. IYSWIM.

[Couchy]

Grib passing away ...

I remember. I did once meet both of you, and I also remember the pics of you on a digger in the garden, for example. Some things you never really get over, you just have to let them go by IYSWIM.

Indeed. We met more than once I’m sure. I def rode your SV round cadwell in 2006 I’ll have a pic somewhere. I was racing the 620 Ducati and jumped on your SV and went 4s a lap quicker instantly down to a ‘46. It was that much better than the 620.