Jokes Thread

[v8-powered]

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[Buckaroo]

Yep, Finchinfield on a Sunday!!

[v8-powered]

Yep, Finchinfield on a Sunday!!

Been few years since I've been over there but can't imagine it's got any better

[Horse]

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[Noggin]

[Sadlonelygit]

“So there are five people taking the Fifth Amendment, like you see on the mob, right? You see the mob takes the Fifth. If you’re innocent, why are you taking the Fifth Amendment?” Mr. Trump said at a rally in Iowa in 2016, referring to investigations into Hillary Clinton’s handling of potentially classified material as secretary of state.

In today's news, Mr Trump refuses to take the stand in his criminal trial.

[Taipan]

I don't often offer life coaching advice, but this may help some of you. Next time you're feeling down, think about perspective. I have a friend who has sex 3-5 times a week. He exercises twice a day every day. He reads 2 books a week. Yet every day he complains about life in prison...

[Noggin]

[Taipan]

[Taipan]

[Taipan]

[Felix]

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[Mr. Dazzle]

I've invented an air freshener which is activated by mind control.

People say it's a silly invention, but it makes scents when you think about it.

[KungFooBob]

I had a lovely Chinese takeaway last night. Cost of the chinese £28, cost of petrol to collect it £2. Getting home and finding that my order is incomplete...




Riceless

[Count Steer]

What the blurb on book covers means:



+ 'Funny and tender*', Stephen Fry = 'Involves the hat'.

* See Patrick Gale's 'Take Nothing With You' (which is rather good aksherly).

[Taipan]

[gremlin]

I've just spent £80,000 on a stretch limo only to find out it doesn't come with a driver.

I can't believe I've spent all that money and have nothing to chauffeur it.

[Yorick]

I've just spent £80,000 on a stretch limo only to find out it doesn't come with a driver.

I can't believe I've spent all that money and have nothing to chauffeur it.

You need to do much better than that on the wedding speech

[KungFooBob]

Genuine lol at this one...

[Horse]