Childhood ditties and poems you remember...

[gremlin]

One of my faves was...

My friend Billy,
Had a ten-foot willy,
And he showed it to the lady next door.

She thought it was a snake,
So she hit it with a rake,
And now it's only five-foot, four.


Hardly Poet Laureate stuff, but still makes me giggle to this day.

Gremlin, aged 53 3/4.

[Le_Fromage_Grande]

Jesus Christ Superstar
Came down from Heaven on a Yamaha

[Taipan]

Mrs White,
Had a fright,
in the middle of the night.
She saw a Ghost,
Eating toast,
Half way up a lamp post!

[Skub]

Skinny malink
*Melodeon legs,
Big banana feet,
Went to the pictures
And couldn't get a seat.
When he got a seat,
He fell fast asleep
Skinny malink
Melodeon legs,
Big banana feet.

*Melodeon is pronounced 'melo-gin'.

[KungFooBob]

Arty farty had a party
all the farts were there
tooty fruity did a beauty
and they all went out for air

[Skub]

Fatty and skinny went to bed
Fatty let off and skinny dropped dead.

[MrLongbeard]

BBROYGBVGW

Not a childhood ditty, but a wee thing picked up at high school.

[McSatan]

This is bad. But you asked for it. A song from an early 1970's Fife schoolyard.

To the tune of "Oh Susannah"

Oh ah went tae Alabama whaur the darkies cut the gress
A darkie shoved a lawnmower up, another darkie's erse
Sent fir the doctor, the doctor couldnae come
so a darkie's lyin' in a-go-neee wi' a lawnmower up his bum.

[Skub]

This is bad. But you asked for it. A song from an early 1970's Fife schoolyard.

To the tune of "Oh Susannah"

Oh ah went tae Alabama whaur the darkies cut the gress
A darkie shoved a lawnmower up, another darkie's erse
Sent fir the doctor, the doctor couldnae come
so a darkie's lyin' in a-go-neee wi' a lawnmower up his bum.

[Count Steer]

BBROYGBVGW

Not a childhood ditty, but a wee thing picked up at high school.

Well, it's got most of the colours of the rainbow in like ROYGBIV so what's it all about then?

[MrLongbeard]

BBROYGBVGW

Not a childhood ditty, but a wee thing picked up at high school.

Well, it's got most of the colours of the rainbow in like ROYGBIV so what's it all about then?

That'd be the racist mnemonic to remember resistor values.

[Wreckless Rat]

Rose are red,
Violets are blue,
I've got a knife,
So get in the fucking van

[Yorick]

I remember these 2 from the 6th form block toilets.

Some come here to sit and think.
Some come here to shit and stick.
But I come here to scratch my balls.
And read the writing on the walls.

To Bog House when they die.
A memorial will be erected in the sky.
A 6' statue made of shit.
A fitting end to their wit.

[Felix]

There was a woman from Ealing
Who had a peculiar feeling
She lay on her back
opened her crack
And pissed half way up the ceiling.

[Bigjawa]

I'm Popeye the sailor man,
I live in a frying pan,
I turned on the gas and roasted my ass,
I'm Popeye the sailor man.

Mary, Mary how contrary,
How's your garden grow,
With LSD and Ecstasy,
And loads of speed and blow....

[KungFooBob]

I'm Popeye the sailor man,
I live in a frying pan,
I turned on the gas and roasted my ass,
I'm Popeye the sailor man.

Mary, Mary how contrary,
How's your garden grow,
With LSD and Ecstasy,
And loads of speed and blow....

I think you'll find Popeye the sailor man, lived in a caravan (I don't remember the rest).

[Yorick]

We 3 Kings of orient are.
1 in a bus.
And 1 in a car
1 in scooter, papping his hooter

Following yonder star....

[KungFooBob]

We 3 Kings of orient are.
1 in a taxi
1 in a car
1 on scooter, beeping his hooter

Wearing a sexy bra!

EFA

[Count Steer]

I'm Popeye the sailor man,
I live in a frying pan,
I turned on the gas and roasted my ass,
I'm Popeye the sailor man.

Mary, Mary how contrary,
How's your garden grow,
With LSD and Ecstasy,
And loads of speed and blow....

I think you'll find Popeye the sailor man, lived in a caravan (I don't remember the rest).

I live with 3 witches
That pull down their britches
etc

[Wossname]

Bessie met a bus, and a bus met Bessie.
The bus was messy, and the mess was Bessie.

And…


“Oh look, mamma, what is that mess
That looks like strawberry jam?”
“Hush, hush, my child, it is papa -
Run over by a tram.”

Told to us by my auntie Joan, who celebrates her 102nd birthday in a couple of weeks. Still sharp as a tack.