Depression

[Cousin Jack]

Over five years on and I think I've never been better. Much better than I was before. There was a time when I couldn't have believed it was possible.

I think that is worth repeating. When I was (very briefly and mildly) depressed I felt there was no way out of my problems. There was, for most people there is, it just takes time and help.

[darthpunk]

After a docs appointment I stopped my medication last Wednesday. He said it was a small amount so stopping it dead wouldn't be an issue.

Cut to Friday and I was rattling so bad It felt like my skeleton had detached from everything else, the vertigo was insane and by Saturday night I had the heating on and still had to wear a hoodie to combat the shivers. Felt sick all weekend and last night woke myself up with acid reflux.

Ended up taking a half yesterday morning to take the edge off, not sure the doc was 100% in his opinion of "it'll be fine"

[Yambo]

Well, I've been hovering close to the edge for a few weeks now. Lots to do, no motivation to do anything. Last week there was a sort of change, I was still prevaricating but I was quite happy about it. Shouldn't ignore this positive development!

I got some fibreglassing done on paddleboard No 2 and then fell into a conspiracy - M and my friend Steve (we went trekking in Nepal together) thought it would be good idea if I went off with Steve to the far side of Fethiye and help Steve's friend tidy up and prepare his camp site.

So right now I'm drinking beer in the lovely evening sun getting 'therapy'. I've sorted out toilets, sinks and showers (it's the first time they've all been operational apparently) with no tools and my head is definitely better. Still sort of fucked but better. I'm here till Friday. No-one minds if I don't do anything but I'm finding things to do where Osman would normally have to pay someone so he's happy with whatever I do.

I'm hoping that the lethargy stays here in Kabak when I leave and I can get on with things when I get home.M has been a rock. I know I've been able to avoid the fall back into depression but she has been hugely instrumental in that. I really have been lucky with the women in my life looking after me.

[Ant]

One thing in this thread that is very apparent, is the complete lack of support available from the NHS. Given suicide is the biggest killer of men under 50, that is very worrying...

This is a funding challenge.

This is a stigma challenge.

This is a workforce challenge.


The trained staff don’t exist to man the pumps.

The cancer and hips wins votes - check in your local authority to see where government funding is apportioned.

NHS services are stripped to the bone. We have the lowest number of beds, staff and support in history. Thank the current government for that ( to give you context; there is a £500m contract currently up for grabs for ‘federated data platform’. Which in the current environment is gong to a Tory donator).

£500m would be a lot of therapy

And the other 179.5 billion?
How many Chief Execs in the NHS?

Plus the millions spent on diversity and inclusivity and handing out sex changes.

[darthpunk]

After a docs appointment I stopped my medication last Wednesday. He said it was a small amount so stopping it dead wouldn't be an issue.

Cut to Friday and I was rattling so bad It felt like my skeleton had detached from everything else, the vertigo was insane and by Saturday night I had the heating on and still had to wear a hoodie to combat the shivers. Felt sick all weekend and last night woke myself up with acid reflux.

Ended up taking a half yesterday morning to take the edge off, not sure the doc was 100% in his opinion of "it'll be fine"

"It'll be fine" in doctor speak, in relation to dependency, usually means you won't die from it.

I've seen lads go into prison with serious methadone addictions and go cold turkey because the doctor said so, they spend a month quivering in a cell shitting themselves inside out and having delusions. Then one day they pop their head out of the door, three stone lighter, looking like they've been to hell and back, and wondering where they are. The only consolation is that they know their doctor is a dickhead and they're now on the right side of that particular chemical dependency.

It's grim but try and hang on, the rattle will end and then hopefully you'll never have to do anything like that again.

This morning has been particularly bad, dizziness like i've never felt and minor mental breakdown. Took a half.

Been looking it up online and the general consensus is "give yourself a break and come off a little more gradually. So i'm aiming for a half every couple of days right now and see how it goes. First day off completely seems mostly ok, second day is a shit show

I'll get there, might just not bother trying to operate heavy machinery at the moment

[the_priest]

Daughter was looking to quit her uni course, had meeting with Form Tutor who told her that she had done so well with her work in the first part of the year that she has already passed, so no pressure on her to have to be there. She is able to do stuff online and the practical stuff I can drive to the uni once she has completed it. They are listening to her and not brushing it off as nothing. Seems like they have a better plan in place than the NHS in coping with students who are really struggling with mental health issues. Her private appointment is happening in June, she has questionnaires to fill in and lots of details to go through, which is good. She has regained a bit of focus.

[ZRX61]

Met a guy yesterday who helped me step back from the ledge about 12 years ago. Discovered I had some shit buried that I didn't know I'd buried. Was a real rollercoaster for an hour or so.

[MrLongbeard]

After speaking to the Trainee Psychological Wellbeing Practitioner for an hour, filling in the questionnaire they'd sent along with some rather uncomfortable questions, my starting point is moderately severe levels of depression and severe levels of anxiety.

Now on a 12 week waiting list for telephone based CBT which by my reckoning will be a waste of time as I'm convinced my headfuckery is seasonal, but GP reckons I should crack on with it and see it I can develop coping strategies, I'm not convinced but seeing as I'm now in the system will see how it plays out.

8 or so weeks later, another questionnaire and "yeah we can't help you as you score pretty normal now, go and look at our CBT website"
Still, I got a nice letter 3 days later explaining how / why they're rebranding with a catchy new name and tag lines yep that'll be my tax money hard at work for me.

[the_priest]

Daughter has a change of meds coming up. Hope to collect prescription tomorrow. Also having a full blood work test done so to eliminate any physical issues. She could not get up today, hoping she can tomorrow. ASD/ADHS assessment is two weeks or so away now, so something to look forward to.

[Yorick]

Daughter has a change of meds coming up. Hope to collect prescription tomorrow. Also having a full blood work test done so to eliminate any physical issues. She could not get up today, hoping she can tomorrow. ASD/ADHS assessment is two weeks or so away now, so something to look forward to.

Sometimes it's emotional and physical.
Does faith help sometimes as can give positive mental attitude.

[the_priest]

Daughter has a change of meds coming up. Hope to collect prescription tomorrow. Also having a full blood work test done so to eliminate any physical issues. She could not get up today, hoping she can tomorrow. ASD/ADHS assessment is two weeks or so away now, so something to look forward to.

Sometimes it's emotional and physical.
Does faith help sometimes as can give positive mental attitude.

Well her autism has magnified the depression, the meds are not helping as much as expected. She does not really have faith (she used to) and so that is something her mum and I rely on.

[the_priest]

Took daughter for her ASD/ADHS assessment today. They said at the end of the day that she is definitely on the spectrum and their report will reflect this. It will play into her dealing with depression, which may well be autism exhaustion (dealing with socially difficult situations leaving her shattered). So there is light, however dim, shining in the tunnel.

[Yambo]

My son would have celebrated his 48th birthday yesterday, possibly with an engagement announcement although I think that would have been a month or two earlier. It wasn't a good day for me, lots of "happy heavenly birthday" messages on social media and I don't do that shit. I also tried to sort out an issue for later in the month* and was dealing with idiots.

Round at M's last night the frustration and simple annoyance of the day(and previous days) caught up with me and turned into an angry outburst. I think M got a bit scared and although she wasn't in any danger my anger was unforgivable. I should have stayed at home of course but too late for that. She's worried for me (but doesn't really need to be) but it was all OK this morning. I've not been in a good place the last few days, still procrastinating, but improving.

* I'm going to a star party on the top of a big hill in 10 days time (it's a sort of astronomy outreach event) and I'm taking a friend along. Sorting accommodation out for him is getting to be a right pain - he's partially disabled following a stroke about 10 years ago and while I'll just take my tent, getting in and out of it can be a struggle for me and will be very difficult for him. Tents are available to hire apparently but getting people to tell me the design so that I can tell if they are suitable is proving very frustrating.

The sun is shining outside. Summer has arrived, a month later than normal and the village has been full of Turkish tourists for bayram. The huge influx of people has effects on our part of the village. More frustrations (easing now, thankfully), I'd hoped the economical situation would keep the numbers down but no such luck.

[Felix]

Daughter has a change of meds coming up. Hope to collect prescription tomorrow. Also having a full blood work test done so to eliminate any physical issues. She could not get up today, hoping she can tomorrow. ASD/ADHS assessment is two weeks or so away now, so something to look forward to.

Wife has had med changes a few times over the years. Not a happy place as the body weans off one lot and onto another. Just had almost four good years with no psychiatric help or CPN. We cant fathom the trigger but its all tits up again and waiting on a psychiatrist appointment and no doubt weekly CPN visits again. Probably another med change also.

[dern]

Struggling at the moment although not quite at the depressed stage I've been at in the past. Feel like a cog in the machine at work but wife has lost her job recently so feel completely trapped. Waiting on a slot for an autism assessment which I was inspired to do while helping my daughter with hers last year and finding out we're more or less the same in our thinking which might help explain things. The lack of caring in society really gets me down along with everything on the news that I now try to avoid. Trying to bottom out the way I feel by focussing on learning the bass (a new instrument to me) but the worst thing for me is the perceived lack of choices in life due to financial responsibilities... no debt, just responsibilities.

[Buckaroo]

Struggling at the moment although not quite at the depressed stage I've been at in the past. Feel like a cog in the machine at work but wife has lost her job recently so feel completely trapped. Waiting on a slot for an autism assessment which I was inspired to do while helping my daughter with hers last year and finding out we're more or less the same in our thinking which might help explain things. The lack of caring in society really gets me down along with everything on the news that I now try to avoid. Trying to bottom out the way I feel by focussing on learning the bass (a new instrument to me) but the worst thing for me is the perceived lack of choices in life due to financial responsibilities... no debt, just responsibilities.

Yes, it feels like work controls you and not the other way around. Horrible feeling. Society has never cared, but family does and often gets you through. Music is cathartic and can really help. Good luck

[Noggin]

Daughter has a change of meds coming up. Hope to collect prescription tomorrow. Also having a full blood work test done so to eliminate any physical issues. She could not get up today, hoping she can tomorrow. ASD/ADHS assessment is two weeks or so away now, so something to look forward to.

Wife has had med changes a few times over the years. Not a happy place as the body weans off one lot and onto another. Just had almost four good years with no psychiatric help or CPN. We cant fathom the trigger but its all tits up again and waiting on a psychiatrist appointment and no doubt weekly CPN visits again. Probably another med change also.

Has she looked at hormone levels and effects of imbalance? x

[Noggin]

I've tried to write on this thread so many times in the last few weeks. I went from a winter where I finally thought I was getting on top of life and could see the end of the tunnel to the realisation it really was just another train - a few of them I think. Universe well and truly got its bat out again.

But I'm not giving up. I am sitting in a corner rocking a lot. Probably in the worst place in a long time. But, I refuse to give up. It's just all so much more difficult doing this crap solo

[Tomcat]

I never really got all this. I just thought, "It can't be all bad, have a beer, go for a ride." Until I caught just a small bit of it. Work was getting on top of me, I was flogging my guts out, things were going wrong and I felt the finger was being pointed at me for a corporate joint effort fuckup. I turned to brooding on it and got to the point where I didn't want to get out be ed, let alone go to work and have to face all the BS again and again.

Took a day's leave and went to see the GP, she spotted straight away I needed time out from what was getting me down and gave me a sicknote to do just that. I couldn't really relax as I knew the shit was still rumbling downhill at work, but it gave me a breather and time to think about what I needed to do. I stepped aside from my old role and within a matter of months had found another job that was basically my dream job.

So I was lucky. Work related stress knocked me for six but didn't take me into the bottomless pit of clinical depression, I didn't need drugs and I was able to find a way out with help. Scared fuck out of me though and would never want to go back there again.

[Docca]

The perception of self-worth plays an important hand in the dealing with/recovering from work related stress/depression.

The challenge many of us will go through is the normalisation of poor workplace cultures. There is a boiling frogs comment to make here- but the importance of your personal integrity and drive to make a positive difference should remain. Much easier said than done and I know more people than not who put up with shitty working conditions to put food on the table.

I’ve not read the thread properly (which is lazy!) but re: meds changes. I’d be much happier to engage in conversations about changes in medicine once a psychological formulation has occurred as part of a comprehensive assessment. That means more than the GAD-7 or PHQ-9 you’ll get from a GP.