Things your other half says

[Wscad]

If it’s ok I think we should revive this topic. I’ve had a couple of beauties over the weekend

[McNab]

I'm searching for the torch in the shed.
She, from the house shouts "Have you found the torch?"
I reply "No"
She says "In that case, I've got it here, then."

[DefTrap]

Every World Cup and Euros.

"Are <insert top club name> playing?"

[Wscad]

For background info, some on here will know my wife is Chinese . I think another lad on here has a Chinese wife ( saga lout?) so some things will resonate with him .

Just the two of us live here and my wife just loves the f word in the house. Boris on tv.... wife says what a effing knobhead.

How’s your day gone today my little sweet pea? Ok apart from some effiing arse wipe trying wipe me out on the motorway.

Ok. Back on topic. We’ve had a little frost up here in bronteland over the weekend, so I said to the missus..... I’ve put some de-icer together with a scraper outside the front door. Wife says.......... are you you sure that’s a good idea? What if the de-icer spray tin freezers up.

Second one. Wife is cleaning bathroom. Shouts down to me..........black hairs every effing where.......where the effing hell have they come from

[gremlin]

Whilst working at home the other week the dog vomited, stinking out the hallway and kitchen. I clear it up, but obviously the smell lingered a bit.

Wife comes in, 'What's the smell?!'

'Dog vomit'

'What dog vomit?'

I sat and did that slow blink think...'What dog vomit?' What sort of question is that? The vomit that has clearly come out of our one dog. Did you have any other stashes of dog vomit that you were saving for a suitable occasion?

[Wscad]

Four or five years ago we were on the bike in Europe. We were at a peage/toll road. Around 7 cars in front of us.
Around 10 bikes go right to the front. It’s a backpatch club, bandido I think. Prospects are paying the toll.

Wife stands up and shouts .......Oi..........there’s a effing queue here you set of effing wankers

[Scud]

I’ve never had reason to post on one of these style threads as to be fair my other half doesn’t say daft shit, until today….

So, we have a market trading business selling flowers and plants, like many others we use a Luton van with tail lift, today I get the call, the battery is flat on the van.

Obviously my warning to run the engine while loading hasn’t been taken.

No problem, I’ve put jump leads in there in anticipation, she’s got another trader there to jump the van, dippy Daisy off the veg stall.

First question where’s the battery, no problem, battery found easily.

Next question, both leads are red (two random ones I had in the garage), will they work? I replied as long as you put +\+ and -/- it’s not a problem.

The reply, I’m not stupid I know that but they’re the same colour.

[mangocrazy]

With me, it's often a case of (mis)pronunciation. My wife is from the Philippines and has an excellent command of the English language, but pronunciation does catch her out occasionally.

Can you imagine how difficult it must be for a Filipina to pronounce Dun Laoghaire...? It reduced me to tears (of laughter) I'm ashamed to say.

Much like the first time she tried to pronounce Worcestershire (as in sauce)...

[cheb]

She might have good command of English, but what's her Erse like?

[Trinity765]

This is a historical account.

Me: You're snoring
Him: No I wasn't.

[slowsider]

With me, it's often a case of (mis)pronunciation. My wife is from the Philippines and has an excellent command of the English language, but pronunciation does catch her out occasionally.

Can you imagine how difficult it must be for a Filipina to pronounce Dun Laoghaire...? It reduced me to tears (of laughter) I'm ashamed to say.

In fairness, it's funny listening to English people pronounce it.

[Lutin]

With me, it's often a case of (mis)pronunciation. My wife is from the Philippines and has an excellent command of the English language, but pronunciation does catch her out occasionally.

Can you imagine how difficult it must be for a Filipina to pronounce Dun Laoghaire...? It reduced me to tears (of laughter) I'm ashamed to say.

In fairness, it's funny listening to English people pronounce it.

Indeed. It's almost as funny as hearing English folk trying to pronounce Welsh place names.

[slowsider]

With me, it's often a case of (mis)pronunciation. My wife is from the Philippines and has an excellent command of the English language, but pronunciation does catch her out occasionally.

Can you imagine how difficult it must be for a Filipina to pronounce Dun Laoghaire...? It reduced me to tears (of laughter) I'm ashamed to say.

In fairness, it's funny listening to English people pronounce it.

Indeed. It's almost as funny as hearing English folk trying to pronounce Welsh place names.

The best bit is the way they imply the locals are saying it wrong

[Felix]

The best bit is the way they imply the locals are saying it wrong

We have a town close to us called Gullane. Folk tent to pronounce it Gullin. The locals in the town call it Gullane emphasizing the A. The people from the posh side of town there and here call it Gilline emphasizing the i's.

[petrolpete]

Nearly as funny as an English person trying to pronounce Reims. Or to get a French person to say squirrel. Or a Spanish person to say Skype (it sounds like they say e-Skype: the top left key on the keyboard).

[DefTrap]

... or outsiders trying to pronounce half the village names in Norfolk

Wymondham
Costessy
Happisburgh
Garboldisham
... and many more ...

[mangocrazy]

Favourites abroad are:

Caen
Cahors
Leixoes
Millau

[Trinity765]

Indeed. It's almost as funny as hearing English folk trying to pronounce Welsh place names.

I like listening to my Satnav when it tries to pronounce Welsh place names - it's never even close. When I pulled up at Llanfairpwllgwyngyllgogerychwyrndrobwllllantysiliogogogoch for the below pic it didn't even try. It went "You have arrived at ". I'm pretty sure I heard it whisper "fuck you".

[Trinity765]

And that's because I don't have another half, I have a satnav - which, as it happens, I love arguing with. Some of my best arguments have been with a Garmin.

[Horse]

When I pulled up at Llanfairpwllgwyngyllgogerychwyrndrobwllllantysiliogogogoch for the below pic it didn't even try. It went "You have arrived at ". I'm pretty sure I heard it whisper "fuck you".

Wait until you go to that little place near Swanage: Phuque Corfe