Insignificant/ Significant things that BYP or just wind you up a little

[Mr. Dazzle]

I've lost a paddock stand. HTF do you lose a paddock stand in a 10x8 shed??

Have you looked under the bike?

The thought did occur. It's like losing sunglasses perched on your forehead innit?

[Taipan]

I've lost a paddock stand. HTF do you lose a paddock stand in a 10x8 shed??

Look in your loft?

Didn't you put up a load of posts about stuff you'd found up there that you had forgotten buying?*

* Can you remember those posts?

The loft of many gifts...

[gremlin]

I've lost a paddock stand. HTF do you lose a paddock stand in a 10x8 shed??

As my mum would have said....

Where did you have it last? Have you checked your pockets? All of them! It'll be in the last place you look.

[gremlin]

Imagine you worked for an employer who has always been shit-hot on keeping costs down. Imagine too that that employer had recently undertaken a (granted, necessary) savage cost-cutting exercise resulting in people losing their jobs.

And then, in the middle of it, they announce that a high-quality, 'coffee-table edition', hardback book celebrating 150 years of company history is being produced and distributed to each and every employee and selected customers.

I would imagine that if you were one of those employees being canned*, you'd probably find such a vanity exercise rather piss-boiling.



*Not me, BTW. after all my years I'm to expensive to make redundant. Unfortunately.

[Horse]

It'll be in the last place you look.

Because not many feckers are daft enough to keep looking after they've found it.

[Taipan]

Americans! Well, not all of them obvs, but I just had a meeting with 4 students and they all had this really annoying habit of fading their sentences to a little croaky voice.

[gremlin]

I was in New York restaurant once eavesdropping on two girls having a conversation. And you know, like, every other, like, word was 'like'. I mean, like, how many, like, times do you, like, need to, like, say it?

Annoying didn't even, like, come close.

[Taipan]

Turns out it's actually a thing! It's a thing called vocal fry!!! And apparently, ill never unhear it now!

[Mr. Dazzle]

Americans! Well, not all of them obvs, but I just had a meeting with 4 students and they all had this really annoying habit of fading their sentences to a little croaky voice.

vocal fry!!!

You've been watching Keeping Up with the Kardashians haven't you? Admit it.

[the_priest]

Car drivers who go to slowly.... seriously, just going 5mph under the limit is fine, but 15 under the limit in a 20 is taking the piss..... cheek turned, driver blessed and I need to find a nice book to read.

[Mr. Dazzle]

It's not a speed target, it's a speed limit you maniac!!!!

[Count Steer]

Car drivers who go to slowly.... seriously, just going 5mph under the limit is fine, but 15 under the limit in a 20 is taking the piss..... cheek turned, driver blessed and I need to find a nice book to read.

Between home and the next place of any size is a 50mph stretch through woods. It has a few nice bends, but nothing . The number of cauliflower heads that go through that stretch at 35-40....then speed up once they get to the 30mph stretch in the village is mind boggling. It's like they don't feel safe out there in the 'wild' but once they get pavements and houses they can relax.

The Mrs used to do a Le Mans start from choir to get ahead of a bunch of them so she didn't get stuck doing behind them doing 30 (they go even slower in the dark, but can speed up if there are street lights )

[Yorick]

Car drivers who go to slowly.... seriously, just going 5mph under the limit is fine, but 15 under the limit in a 20 is taking the piss..... cheek turned, driver blessed and I need to find a nice book to read.

Priest on his way home tmrw

[Rockburner]

Car drivers who go to slowly.... seriously, just going 5mph under the limit is fine, but 15 under the limit in a 20 is taking the piss..... cheek turned, driver blessed and I need to find a nice book to read.

Between home and the next place of any size is a 50mph stretch through woods. It has a few nice bends, but nothing . The number of cauliflower heads that go through that stretch at 35-40....then speed up once they get to the 30mph stretch in the village is mind boggling. It's like they don't feel safe out there in the 'wild' but once they get pavements and houses they can relax.

The Mrs used to do a Le Mans start from choir to get ahead of a bunch of them so she didn't get stuck doing behind them doing 30 (they go even slower in the dark, but can speed up if there are street lights )

I imagine they've no idea what a full beam headlight is either.

[Alan PBTD]

Piggin B&Q last night.

Doing a bathroom refurb and needed 3 x 8 x 4 sheets of 18 mm ply cut up. 6.30pm waited ages - ''we've got your request'' but the store was v quiet. Bint finally turned up - really not interested - but I helped her put each sheet on the cutting machine and gave her all the measurements. Lots of little bits but she was too interested in her phone to put them back on my trolley - so I ended up doing it - despite entering a ''restricted area''. By the 3rd sheet I'd had enough. When u have bits cut up they normally put additional labels on the sheets to scan @ the tills - but alas when asked ''it'll be OK'' she said...

Like F**k. 10 mins @ the till 'cos he didn't believe ''so many bits only added up to 3 x 8 x 4 sheets...''

''Millenials'' I think the term is. God help us..

And if u think I'm being fussy - u try carrying 18mm 8 x 4 sheets up 3 flights of stairs and then finding a spare bed to cut them up on...

[Felix]

Mate wanted a sliding door at the top of steep stairs as his grandkids are managing to open the baby gate. Cant buy a door wide enough so had to make one. Off we pop to B&Q with our measurements. Spoke to gut at the cutting machine if he had any straight bits as the racking ones looked like they sat out in the rain for a week and are all warped. None in the back but he did help work our way through the pile for two flat ones. He cut them up and said one was a bit discoloured on the back. No problem mate said as its getting painted and making a door it can go on the inside anyway but the guy insisted to knock a tenner off the price. All stickered up and through the till with no issue. Apart from lack of shop floor staff i have never had a need to moan about B&Q. Wicks on the other hand are a pile of wank.

[v8-powered]

I was in New York restaurant once eavesdropping on two girls having a conversation. And you know, like, every other, like, word was 'like'. I mean, like, how many, like, times do you, like, need to, like, say it?

Annoying didn't even, like, come close.

My teenage step-daughter does that and it boils my piss! That and the overuse of the word literally and the phrase 'I'm not going to lie'
Grumpy old man

[the_priest]

Car drivers who go to slowly.... seriously, just going 5mph under the limit is fine, but 15 under the limit in a 20 is taking the piss..... cheek turned, driver blessed and I need to find a nice book to read.

Priest on his way home tmrw

Now if that was an FN or SW Model 29, then it would be a lot more accurate.... and I don't miss.

[Taipan]

I was in New York restaurant once eavesdropping on two girls having a conversation. And you know, like, every other, like, word was 'like'. I mean, like, how many, like, times do you, like, need to, like, say it?

Annoying didn't even, like, come close.

My teenage step-daughter does that and it boils my piss! That and the overuse of the word literally and the phrase 'I'm not going to lie'
Grumpy old man

To be fair yoof has a lot of annoying new sayings that do that...

[Taipan]

So we're out there clapping like performing seals and getting vaccinated and staying at home to protect the NHS, but it turns out 80,000 of them are refusing to get the vaccine! That lot have BMP and do they know something we don't?