Insignificant/ Significant things that BYP or just wind you up a little

[Jody]

Here in France public toilets often don't have a seat at all!

I've never figured out which is worse, making a seat out of 50 bits of toilet paper and still being able to feel the damp through it, or hovering and getting splashed as I poop

[Count Steer]

You people don't half talk some on here.

(Anyone remember Gibbo's 'Touching the Void' mission? )

[Mr. Dazzle]

Here in France public toilets often don't have a seat at all!

I'm sure I've heard "the squat" makes for free and easy bowel movements by virtue of the way it lines your insides up. France: living in the future!

[Count Steer]

Here in France public toilets often don't have a seat at all!

I'm sure I've heard "the squat" makes for free and easy bowel movements by virtue of the way it lines your insides up. France: living in the future!

You're supposed to put your feet on the seat though if you aren't using a hole in the floor job. This requires a good sense of balance and the accuracy of a WW2 bomb aimer.

Hang on! I've solved the turd on the seat conundrum. There's a brown rice/whole earth/Gaia type in the office squatting on the seat for the 'give natural birth to turd' experience! (Doesn't explain why they didn't tidy up though).

You just need to find the one in the below-the knee tribal print skirt, hairy legs and vegetarian sandals.

[Mussels]

Here in France public toilets often don't have a seat at all!

I'm sure I've heard "the squat" makes for free and easy bowel movements by virtue of the way it lines your insides up. France: living in the future!

People who only know how to do the squat come to the UK and attempt to squat with their feet on the seat, that's how it ends up all over the place. It might not end up on the floor or seat, I've seen turds in sinks and urinals before.

I was about 11 when I first saw a French hole in the ground, every scenario that went through my mind ended in disaster but luckily I found a more modern place so thankfully I've never needed to play those scenarios out.

[Count Steer]

Here in France public toilets often don't have a seat at all!

I'm sure I've heard "the squat" makes for free and easy bowel movements by virtue of the way it lines your insides up. France: living in the future!

I was about 11 when I first saw a French hole in the ground, every scenario that went through my mind ended in disaster but luckily I found a more modern place so thankfully I've never needed to play those scenarios out.

You haven't experienced life to the full until you've tried to use one in a ski restaurant, half way up a mountain when you're wearing ski boots and a one-piece ski suit. That's real Harry Houdini stuff.

[Mr. Dazzle]

I'm sure I've heard "the squat" makes for free and easy bowel movements by virtue of the way it lines your insides up. France: living in the future!

It does if you wear a frock and sandals, but if you're wearing trousers then you need to remove them completely otherwise you risk 1) shitting in your pants or 2) leaning back so far you lose balance.

If you can hitch your dish-dash up and stand on the pads with no hindrance then they're brilliant.

I'd have thought you'd be well practised at shitting in buckets/the wild by now, given your previous vocations

[Cousin Jack]

You haven't experienced life to the full until you've tried to use one in a ski restaurant, half way up a mountain when you're wearing ski boots and a one-piece ski suit. That's real Harry Houdini stuff.

A close second is a 'hole in the ground' in a Greek village, which has not been cleaned for at least 3 years, and sits in the baking heat attracting all the flies in creation. No Houdini stuff required, but you have to perform all functions without breathing.

No, not because of the stench, that is a minor problem. Breathing in the cloud of large flies that have just swarmed up from the last shit is however not recommended.

[Noggin]

I'm absolutely crying with laughter here!! Who knew a series of posts about poo would be so damned funny!!


For those travelling in France and stopping at the aires (where the holes in the ground usually are) - the disabled toilet is usually a 'normal' one!!


For skiing - there's a reason I drink as little as possible until I've finished skiing!! Even wearing two piece gear toilet stuff in a normal toilet (haven't found any holes in the ground up here) is a serious challenge!!

[slowsider]

Is BYP now 'baking your poo'?

[David]

Sorry...this goes on a bit...
The evening we arrived on Mascotte we knew we would be late so had said to the vendor that we would see him the folowing morning after a sleep...
First we had to acquire new mattresses...then Penny set to tidying and deep cleaning the galley.

Hot water recquired.... so on goes the gas...I follow the line turning the stop cocks on and light the water heater...meanwhile it's time for the apres journey poo...so off i go to the heads...(you can tell I am an experienced water driver can't you?).

Job completed I open the seacocks and flush....horror of horrors....no movement.

Bucket acquired, baling cup found....empty loo prior to dissassembling.
A little later, I heard a cry from the galley (at the pointy end...I was at the blunt bit).
"I can't get the hob on..."

I stood to answer the call and my glasses slid off my nose due to the sweat....guess where they landed....

I wiped the big bits off and went to investigate...

One if the taps I had turned on was an open spur that had gone to a gas fridge, now deleted.
The galley was full of gas to the point she coudln't ignite the hob...

An hour of "empty" bucket baling sorted that.

[weeksy]

My rear MTB wheel was crunchy at the weekend so I ordered 4 new bearings

2*6902 and 2*15267

Took it all apart and I need 3*15267!!!!

Grrrr

Fitted with the best of the 3 so it's all ready to roll but I'll need to replace it again at some stage.

[MingtheMerciless]

School mum run, riding the push bike home after nights and turned into the close I live in (which is opposite a school) and I have not one but two MPV’s with dozy school run mum “drivers” pull out on me without looking. I may have been rather rude.

[Horse]

In the pan isn't always sufficient.

One place I worked, an unknown member of staff was nicknamed 'the log monster' - the output wouldn't flush away.

Ever seen the movie 'Tremors'?

[DefTrap]

My morning cycle is now slap bang when the sun is low on the horizon - going uphill away from my place you're fairly blinded by it.
You'd think drivers would take that into consideration and be a bit more careful?
Nope - if you can't see anything then nothing's there right? Three vans in a row almost took my left ear off.

[Yorick]

My morning cycle is now slap bang when the sun is low on the horizon - going uphill away from my place you're fairly blinded by it.
You'd think drivers would take that into consideration and be a bit more careful?
Nope - if you can't see anything then nothing's there right? Three vans in a row almost took my left ear off.

There's a Van Gogh joke there somewhere

[Count Steer]

This:

'Tesco warns of Christmas panic buying if driver shortage persists'

ie 'Tesco tries its damned hardest to get people to panic buy'.

[Mussels]

Offline banking. My wife has a cheque from her parents to pay in.
Too much for the phone app.
To pay in at a post office she needs paying in slips which are in the back of a chequebook she was never given.
Local branch shut a few weeks back.
All other branches for miles are shut at weekends or have no counter service.
During the week when I'm working the nearest branch is an hour round trip plus waiting time.

[Yorick]

Offline banking. My wife has a cheque from her parents to pay in.
Too much for the phone app.
To pay in at a post office she needs paying in slips which are in the back of a chequebook she was never given.
Local branch shut a few weeks back.
All other branches for miles are shut at weekends or have no counter service.
During the week when I'm working the nearest branch is an hour round trip plus waiting time.

I used to just post cheques to the bank.

[KungFooBob]

Offline banking. My wife has a cheque from her parents to pay in.
Too much for the phone app.
To pay in at a post office she needs paying in slips which are in the back of a chequebook she was never given.
Local branch shut a few weeks back.
All other branches for miles are shut at weekends or have no counter service.
During the week when I'm working the nearest branch is an hour round trip plus waiting time.

I'm with Santander, you need special paying in slips and a special envelope to pay cheques in at the PO.

You have to request them online.

The only fuckers who use cheques these days is the DVLA. I paid by card, put the tax refund back on the card, I don't want a cheque!!!!