revtothelimit - motorbike forum

My Big, and only Sister, died on Sunday. She was 63.

We never had an easy relationship, in fact, we were polar opposites of each other, and growing up, She definitely wasn't very nice to me. Being older, I somehow always expected her to treat me decently, but maybe that was to do with the age gap (5 years) or maybe it was down to how our Parents treated her/us. I now have a lifelong loathing of bullies! Hubby says she was always jealous of me, and he loathed how She treated me, believing her to be conniving. He didn't have a great relationship with her either.

When this happens to you, your mind automatically goes to a place where you can find memories of happier times. I just wish I could access some, but I'm really struggling, yet feel quite overwhelmed by it.

I feel for her Children/Grandchildren.

Sorry for loss, mate.

In time I think you'll make peace with your feelings.

People are a complex mix of good and bad,depending on any given situation. Once you realise that you can be more forgiving.
There's no need to view your sister as a saint,or conversely a sinner,just mourn her loss. You have a shared history and a connection and while feelings of bereavement may be complicated, they will still be very real.

Sorry to hear this. These days, that's no age.

Complex emotions around it will make the time harder, but it's good that you're able to talk openly with her husband.

Condolences, a loss is a loss whatever the inner feelings.

Horse wrote: Thu Jun 10, 2021 10:18 am Sorry to hear this. These days, that's no age.

Complex emotions around it will make the time harder, but it's good that you're able to talk openly with her husband.

My husband is the one I talk to about it. She died on what would've been her Partner's Birthday 6 June.

Huge hugs to you. I totally understand what you are saying. Too many people say things like "you only have one mum, family etc" (can't say sibling as often we have more than one!) but when the relationship is so bad it is difficult to explain that sometimes it is better to be distance yourself

It is sad that she has died but don't beat yourself up about your feelings. They are valid and if you don't miss her or only feel sadness for her family, then that is how you feel and is NOT wrong

Thinking of you xxx

It's difficult when someone who was close but you didn't like dies, my dad died in 2019 and I hadn't spoken to the twat for at least 15 years, but I still felt down about him dying and the complex feelings it bought up.

Sorry to hear this, I hope you feel better soon. Maybe some grief counselling would help ?

Sorry to hear it.

Grief is a weird thing, even if you weren't close you'll probably find yourself making odd decisions for a while, so just try to be 'aware' of that.

Sorry for your loss, nowt as strange as family.

Pseudonym wrote: Thu Jun 10, 2021 10:35 am
My husband is the one I talk to about it.

Sorry, misunderstood. Good you have that support.

I am sorry for your loss.

Families are strange, but you have no choice in the matter. Hopefully you have learned from yours, and your kids, if you have any, will have a happier family to remember.

Başınız sağolsun Pseudonym.

My father was a bully. When Penny first met him 15 years ago, the first thing she said was "you're still scared of him".

When he died it was just another day.

My older brother is a twat. Too handy with his fists. Often on me

Life doesn't always deal great hands.

Condolences to you and your extended family. Take time to grieve, no relationship like that is perfect and older siblings often bear the brunt of parents foibles as well, taking it out on others. I hope you can repair the relationship with her children and give them comfort. Peace and grace.

Yorick wrote: Thu Jun 10, 2021 4:50 pm My father was a bully. When Penny first met him 15 years ago, the first thing she said was "you're still scared of him".

When he died it was just another day.

My older brother is a twat. Too handy with his fists. Often on me

Life doesn't always deal great hands.

My dad was a bully too. Used to hit my mum, piss the money away and then whatever was left try to win it back on the horses.

Last saw him when I was 11 when my mum grabbed me, my big sis and whatever she could carry and left. We ended up in a Refuge shelter for abused women for around 6 months.

Last I heard, maybe 20-odd years ago, was that he was living as a tramp in south London. He could be alive still, but I doubt it. I don't know and care even less.

gremlin wrote: Fri Jun 11, 2021 2:14 pm

Yorick wrote: Thu Jun 10, 2021 4:50 pm My father was a bully. When Penny first met him 15 years ago, the first thing she said was "you're still scared of him".

When he died it was just another day.

My older brother is a twat. Too handy with his fists. Often on me

Life doesn't always deal great hands.

My dad was a bully too. Used to hit my mum, piss the money away and then whatever was left try to win it back on the horses.

Last saw him when I was 11 when my mum grabbed me, my big sis and whatever she could carry and left. We ended up in a Refuge shelter for abused women for around 6 months.

Last I heard, maybe 20-odd years ago, was that he was living as a tramp in south London. He could be alive still, but I doubt it. I don't know and care even less.

Glad you all did ok.

Yorick wrote: Fri Jun 11, 2021 4:02 pm

gremlin wrote: Fri Jun 11, 2021 2:14 pm

Yorick wrote: Thu Jun 10, 2021 4:50 pm My father was a bully. When Penny first met him 15 years ago, the first thing she said was "you're still scared of him".

When he died it was just another day.

My older brother is a twat. Too handy with his fists. Often on me

Life doesn't always deal great hands.

My dad was a bully too. Used to hit my mum, piss the money away and then whatever was left try to win it back on the horses.

Last saw him when I was 11 when my mum grabbed me, my big sis and whatever she could carry and left. We ended up in a Refuge shelter for abused women for around 6 months.

Last I heard, maybe 20-odd years ago, was that he was living as a tramp in south London. He could be alive still, but I doubt it. I don't know and care even less.

Glad you all did ok.

Well, my sister is an estate agent....

gremlin wrote: Fri Jun 11, 2021 4:12 pm

Yorick wrote: Fri Jun 11, 2021 4:02 pm

gremlin wrote: Fri Jun 11, 2021 2:14 pm

My dad was a bully too. Used to hit my mum, piss the money away and then whatever was left try to win it back on the horses.

Last saw him when I was 11 when my mum grabbed me, my big sis and whatever she could carry and left. We ended up in a Refuge shelter for abused women for around 6 months.

Last I heard, maybe 20-odd years ago, was that he was living as a tramp in south London. He could be alive still, but I doubt it. I don't know and care even less.

Glad you all did ok.

Well, my sister is an estate agent....

That's only just above a banker