revtothelimit - motorbike forum

Posted: **Wed Jul 09, 2025 4:23 pm**

Reading a thread on Cycling forum and it's avout a bloke who's wife is a bit of a twat and he's thinking of leaving

"Go to counselling" seems to be the massive trend there. Whether that's just for him, her or a marriage counselor seems to be debated but the overriding thing was that people need fixing.

My thoughts are that it's ok to be imperfect and issues are part and parcel of life and what makes us who we are. It doesn't all need getting into and tearing apart and fixing.

Thoughts?

I do get that some can and do need and benefit from it, but does everyone need to?

Posted: **Wed Jul 09, 2025 4:28 pm**

Sometimes it's just good to get a pair talking with someone else (neutral) in the room so they don't just replay the antagonistic roles they've fallen into.

So yeah, counselling is worth a shot if a couple are going round in circles with their conversations about their issues/problems.

Posted: **Wed Jul 09, 2025 4:35 pm**

If it's got to that stage,then folk are better off going their separate ways. If two people need a referee,then it's busted.

Maybe that sounds harsh and I'm only speaking for myself. I suppose some folk will react differently and more positively to airing your problems with a stranger.

For the likes of me it's pointless navel gazing bollox.

Posted: **Wed Jul 09, 2025 4:41 pm**

Counselling’s fucking great. I went to see a marriage guidance counsellor with my ex-wife when it was all going to shit and in my mind was not going to get any better. I think it was the second session when I decided that I’d definitely made the right decision to get out of there

Posted: **Wed Jul 09, 2025 7:14 pm**

Sometimes it's worth it, sometimes it's not. Kinda depends why the twatty person is a twat !!

Is the other half pushing buttons ?

Is she of that age and needs some medical help ?

Or is it time to quit ?

Depending on the people, quitting might not what they want until they've worked out what is wrong

However, counselling is definitely not for all - although it can depend on the counsellor as well, being comfortable enough to talk through stuff with someone isn't always easy

Posted: **Wed Jul 09, 2025 7:28 pm**

This wasn't just about marriage, but general human stuff too

Posted: **Wed Jul 09, 2025 7:48 pm**

Skub wrote: Wed Jul 09, 2025 4:35 pm If it's got to that stage,then folk are better off going their separate ways. If two people need a referee,then it's busted.

Maybe that sounds harsh and I'm only speaking for myself. I suppose some folk will react differently and more positively to airing your problems with a stranger.

For the likes of me it's pointless navel gazing bollox.

I mostly agree with that but if the problems are caused by another family member then it could be good for an outsider to help people see more clearly.

Posted: **Wed Jul 09, 2025 7:52 pm**

weeksy wrote: Wed Jul 09, 2025 7:28 pm This wasn't just about marriage, but general human stuff too

What's that mean? Counselling for everyday events?

Posted: **Wed Jul 09, 2025 9:04 pm**

Skub wrote: Wed Jul 09, 2025 7:52 pm
weeksy wrote: Wed Jul 09, 2025 7:28 pm This wasn't just about marriage, but general human stuff too
What's that mean? Counselling for everyday events?

Yeah. Things from childhood, parental breakups, being bullied at school, pretty much anything and everything from bad bosses to bad relationships, family bereavement.

I feel that 'we' are made by both the good and bad in our lifes and we're supposed to have bad stuff so we know when the good stuff is great. Without that, I don't see how you can function

Posted: **Wed Jul 09, 2025 9:25 pm**

Mussels wrote: Wed Jul 09, 2025 7:48 pm
Skub wrote: Wed Jul 09, 2025 4:35 pm If it's got to that stage,then folk are better off going their separate ways. If two people need a referee,then it's busted.

Maybe that sounds harsh and I'm only speaking for myself. I suppose some folk will react differently and more positively to airing your problems with a stranger.

For the likes of me it's pointless navel gazing bollox.
I mostly agree with that but if the problems are caused by another family member then it could be good for an outsider to help people see more clearly.

Interesting comment that’s sparked my interest. We have an issue with one family member who is particularly disruptive. They are 100% a narcissist. All the mistakes they have made in life are someone else’s fault. I could suggest counselling - but it would be pointless because they would think the mediator was wrong as well as everyone else’s needs / opinions.

Posted: **Wed Jul 09, 2025 9:28 pm**

I'm probably the same as you weeksy, if you dont have bad shit, how do you value the good stuff. That said I do think some people are just predisposed to carry baggage and let it ruin their day/week/month even life. My old mate was like that. If he fell over but then found a £20 note on the floor, he'd moan that he'd A. Fallen Over and B. It wasn't a £50 note like everyone else would find, apparently. I suppose its just is your glass half full, or half empty?

Posted: **Wed Jul 09, 2025 9:33 pm**

I saw getting counselling described as 'a power move, not a weakness'.

Some relationships are worth working on, others are not. It can be hard to know which yours is.

As Big Mad Andy said: "There's two types of people in this world, people who know they've got shit to sort out and people who don't know they've got shit to sort out". And also: "They can fuck off. They can fuck right off".

Posted: **Wed Jul 09, 2025 10:01 pm**

Getting counselling has got to be better than wallowing in your own misery, though realising that you need it may be a difficult step to make.

Posted: **Wed Jul 09, 2025 10:14 pm**

Bollocks to that counselling crap, just throw yourself into a jet engine.

Posted: **Wed Jul 09, 2025 10:34 pm**

weeksy wrote: Wed Jul 09, 2025 9:04 pm
I feel that 'we' are made by both the good and bad in our lifes and we're supposed to have bad stuff so we know when the good stuff is great. Without that, I don't see how you can function

I had mild PTSD after my 2001 crash.

Two counselling sessions and some 'homework' helped sort it.

Posted: **Wed Jul 09, 2025 10:57 pm**

I had it during my 2016 breakdown. The bad counselling was just someone reading out a text book. The good was really useful though; helped me understand what was going on, what it meant and how to manage it etc.

Posted: **Wed Jul 09, 2025 11:02 pm**

KungFooBob wrote: Wed Jul 09, 2025 10:14 pm Bollocks to that counselling crap, just throw her into a jet engine.

Posted: **Thu Jul 10, 2025 12:40 am**

Mr Moofo wrote: Wed Jul 09, 2025 9:25 pm
Mussels wrote: Wed Jul 09, 2025 7:48 pm
Skub wrote: Wed Jul 09, 2025 4:35 pm If it's got to that stage,then folk are better off going their separate ways. If two people need a referee,then it's busted.

Maybe that sounds harsh and I'm only speaking for myself. I suppose some folk will react differently and more positively to airing your problems with a stranger.

For the likes of me it's pointless navel gazing bollox.
I mostly agree with that but if the problems are caused by another family member then it could be good for an outsider to help people see more clearly.
Interesting comment that’s sparked my interest. We have an issue with one family member who is particularly disruptive. They are 100% a narcissist. All the mistakes they have made in life are someone else’s fault. I could suggest counselling - but it would be pointless because they would think the mediator was wrong as well as everyone else’s needs / opinions.

I don't expect the problem person to accept any blame, more a scenario where and elderly parent is causing problems in their children's relationships and the children benefit from counselling on dealing with the problem.
A case I saw a while back was one side of a childless couple had a sister with a few kids who was always sponging off them, it caused unnecessary arguments and the sister could have coped fine without constant extra money. A counselor could have helped deal with the guilt of saying no and saved marital arguments in the process

Posted: **Thu Jul 10, 2025 3:14 pm**

rusty wrote: Wed Jul 09, 2025 4:41 pm Counselling’s fucking great. I went to see a marriage guidance counsellor with my ex-wife when it was all going to shit and in my mind was not going to get any better. I think it was the second session when I decided that I’d definitely made the right decision to get out of there

I went with the ex once.... He didn't say much during the visit, but called me the next day to tell me she needed anti-psychotic meds & should see a psychiatrist ASAP. He was afraid to say it at the therapy session.
Turns out he was correct, she was later diagnosed as paranoid & delusion schizo, bi-polar & had alarming signs of sociopathy. Fortunately she didn't drag me down in her BSC spiral, but my daughter is still affected to this day.
I can thank LA DCFS for that after they reviewed all the recommendations & reports... then awarded her full custody. This is the same DCFS dept that is forever in the news for recommending custody to the parent who later kills the kid, or ignores behavior of both parents who go on to torture & kill the kids in spite of multiple reports from teachers & neighbors.

Posted: **Thu Jul 10, 2025 3:20 pm**

ZRX61 wrote: Thu Jul 10, 2025 3:14 pm
rusty wrote: Wed Jul 09, 2025 4:41 pm Counselling’s fucking great. I went to see a marriage guidance counsellor with my ex-wife when it was all going to shit and in my mind was not going to get any better. I think it was the second session when I decided that I’d definitely made the right decision to get out of there
I went with the ex once.... He didn't say much during the visit, but called me the next day to tell me she needed anti-psychotic meds & should see a psychiatrist ASAP. He was afraid to say it at the therapy session.
Turns out he was correct, she was later diagnosed as paranoid & delusion schizo, bi-polar & had alarming signs of sociopathy. Fortunately she didn't drag me down in her BSC spiral, but my daughter is still affected to this day.
I can thank LA DCFS for that after they reviewed all the recommendations & reports... then awarded her full custody. This is the same DCFS dept that is forever in the news for recommending custody to the parent who later kills the kid, or ignores behavior of both parents who go on to torture & kill the kids in spite of multiple reports from teachers & neighbors.

This explains a lot

revtothelimit - motorbike forum

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