Jokes Thread

[Taipan]

[Trinity765]

This Yorkshireman's beloved pet rabbit dies and, as he's missing it so much, decides to have a gold statue made of it to remind him of happier days. He takes a photo of it to a jewellers in Bradford, shows it to the proprietor and asks "Can tha mekk a statue forrus outta gold of yon bunny?". "Aye" says the jeweller "I can that. Dost tha wannit in 18 carat?" "Nay" comes the reply "just sittin' still will be grand".

[Trinity765]

Try saying "beer can" without sounding like a Jamaican saying "bacon".

[Yorick]

This Yorkshireman's beloved pet rabbit dies and, as he's missing it so much, decides to have a gold statue made of it to remind him of happier days. He takes a photo of it to a jewellers in Bradford, shows it to the proprietor and asks "Can tha mekk a statue forrus outta gold of yon bunny?". "Aye" says the jeweller "I can that. Dost tha wannit in 18 carat?" "Nay" comes the reply "just sittin' still will be grand".

Yorkshire man takes his cat to the vet.
Yorkshireman: Ayup, lad, I need to talk to thee about me cat.
Vet: Is it a tom?
Yorkshireman: Nay, I've browt it wi" us.

[gremlin]

[


Yorkshire man takes his cat to the vet.
Yorkshireman: Ayup, lad, I need to talk to thee about me cat.
Vet: Is it a tom?
Yorkshireman: Nay, I've browt it wi" us.

Oi. You and me need to be 'aving a few words, sunshine.

[KungFooBob]

This could get me banned!

[JackyJoll]

Try saying "beer can" without sounding like a Jamaican saying "bacon".

You’ve never heard my Scotch Ian Paisley accent, have you?

[JackyJoll]

[Trinity765]

Try saying "beer can" without sounding like a Jamaican saying "bacon".

You’ve never heard my Scotch Ian Paisley accent, have you?

No. But I read a couple of Irvin Welsh books and thought in a Scottish accent for years.

[JackyJoll]

Try saying "beer can" without sounding like a Jamaican saying "bacon".

You’ve never heard my Scotch Ian Paisley accent, have you?

No. But I read a couple of Irvin Welsh books and thought in a Scottish accent for years.

That must have been annoying!

[Taipan]

[Screwdriver]

@the_priest

A man went into the confessional and said to his priest, 'I almost had an affair with another woman.'
The priest said, 'What do you mean, almost? The man said, 'Well, we got undressed and rubbed together, but then I stopped! The priest said, Rubbing together is the same as putting it in. You're not to see that woman again. For your penance, say five Hail Mary's and put $50 in the poor box!

The man left the confessional, said his prayers, and then walked over to the poor box. He paused for a moment and then started to leave.

The priest, who was watching, quickly ran over to him saying, 'I saw that. You didn't put any money in the poor box!

The man replied, Yeah, but I rubbed the $50 on the box, and according to you, that's the same as putting it in!

[slowsider]

Very jesuitical.

[Screwdriver]

Very jesuitical.

I don’t pick sides.

[Mussels]

[Trinity765]

[Taipan]

[Horse]

276126832_2073975836103836_2991908401075053319_n.jpg (110.88 KiB) Viewed 655 times

[Felix]

[Taipan]