Depression

[Yorick]

Daughter is off to the clinic on Thursday. She was not really given an option as she has not been sticking to her diet and has lost yet a further 1.3kg's in weight which seems impossible as there is nothing left to lose... So Thursday is a 2 hour drive to drop her off for her first week away. I may be able collect her the following Friday pm if things go well and return her on the Sunday pm for another week etc...

Good luck.

[the_priest]

Back to the drawing board. Got to the clinic after a long uneventful quiet drive, she would not admit herself to the clinic. Had a proper meltdown in the clinic. So next time around she will be sectioned when she goes there, so no choice in her treatment plan, no chance of home visits for at least 2 months and up to six month stay. So back home in really bad traffic on the A3 and we have to start the process again. Wife is probably going to quit her job so care for her at home, if she improves her weight, she avoids being sectioned. But that is unlikely at this rate. She takes an hour to eat two small fishcakes, which is not enough food.

[Noggin]

Back to the drawing board. Got to the clinic after a long uneventful quiet drive, she would not admit herself to the clinic. Had a proper meltdown in the clinic. So next time around she will be sectioned when she goes there, so no choice in her treatment plan, no chance of home visits for at least 2 months and up to six month stay. So back home in really bad traffic on the A3 and we have to start the process again. Wife is probably going to quit her job so care for her at home, if she improves her weight, she avoids being sectioned. But that is unlikely at this rate. She takes an hour to eat two small fishcakes, which is not enough food.

Hugest of hugs to you all.

I know it’s not exactly a solution, and you’ve probably tried it, but would she drink something like SlimFast or Complan?

I guess you’ve tried but especially SlimFast cos it’s a ‘diet’ drink. But it has a lot of nutrition in it and if she would drink one/some each day it might be a stepping stone

Huge love to you guys. It’s so so hard to help someone that can’t see to help themselves as yet

Crossing fingers for you all as well as the hugs and love xxx

[the_priest]

Back to the drawing board. Got to the clinic after a long uneventful quiet drive, she would not admit herself to the clinic. Had a proper meltdown in the clinic. So next time around she will be sectioned when she goes there, so no choice in her treatment plan, no chance of home visits for at least 2 months and up to six month stay. So back home in really bad traffic on the A3 and we have to start the process again. Wife is probably going to quit her job so care for her at home, if she improves her weight, she avoids being sectioned. But that is unlikely at this rate. She takes an hour to eat two small fishcakes, which is not enough food.

Hugest of hugs to you all.

I know it’s not exactly a solution, and you’ve probably tried it, but would she drink something like SlimFast or Complan?

I guess you’ve tried but especially SlimFast cos it’s a ‘diet’ drink. But it has a lot of nutrition in it and if she would drink one/some each day it might be a stepping stone

Huge love to you guys. It’s so so hard to help someone that can’t see to help themselves as yet

Crossing fingers for you all as well as the hugs and love xxx

Been that route already and it was making her "fat" so she stopped using it.

[Cousin Jack]

No useful ideas to offer, but best wishes. GWS Priest's Daughter.

[Yorick]

Back to the drawing board. Got to the clinic after a long uneventful quiet drive, she would not admit herself to the clinic. Had a proper meltdown in the clinic. So next time around she will be sectioned when she goes there, so no choice in her treatment plan, no chance of home visits for at least 2 months and up to six month stay. So back home in really bad traffic on the A3 and we have to start the process again. Wife is probably going to quit her job so care for her at home, if she improves her weight, she avoids being sectioned. But that is unlikely at this rate. She takes an hour to eat two small fishcakes, which is not enough food.

You spend your whole life/vocation, giving to others.
About time this was reversed a bit.

[the_priest]

Back to the drawing board. Got to the clinic after a long uneventful quiet drive, she would not admit herself to the clinic. Had a proper meltdown in the clinic. So next time around she will be sectioned when she goes there, so no choice in her treatment plan, no chance of home visits for at least 2 months and up to six month stay. So back home in really bad traffic on the A3 and we have to start the process again. Wife is probably going to quit her job so care for her at home, if she improves her weight, she avoids being sectioned. But that is unlikely at this rate. She takes an hour to eat two small fishcakes, which is not enough food.

You spend your whole life/vocation, giving to others.
About time this was reversed a bit.

It is fine, part of parcel of life. I know others have so much more on their plates than what my wife and I deal with. We have had a quieter day today, I took my son out this morning for a good breakfast, then walked the dog this afternoon with him in a favourite park of his. Will do boerewors and roast potatoes for dinner. Wife is doing a jigsaw puzzle with daughter, she ate more for lunch today than what she had before. Needs to do the same for dinner etc... I have to go shopping for more food for her tomorrow (Yay!)

My vocation is what it is, there is no expectation of return or reversal of roles, I carry on doing what I do because I love the Lord and that love allows me to love others without expecting anything in return. Thank you for the support though. Deeply appreciated.

[Noggin]

Back to the drawing board. Got to the clinic after a long uneventful quiet drive, she would not admit herself to the clinic. Had a proper meltdown in the clinic. So next time around she will be sectioned when she goes there, so no choice in her treatment plan, no chance of home visits for at least 2 months and up to six month stay. So back home in really bad traffic on the A3 and we have to start the process again. Wife is probably going to quit her job so care for her at home, if she improves her weight, she avoids being sectioned. But that is unlikely at this rate. She takes an hour to eat two small fishcakes, which is not enough food.

Hugest of hugs to you all.

I know it’s not exactly a solution, and you’ve probably tried it, but would she drink something like SlimFast or Complan?

I guess you’ve tried but especially SlimFast cos it’s a ‘diet’ drink. But it has a lot of nutrition in it and if she would drink one/some each day it might be a stepping stone

Huge love to you guys. It’s so so hard to help someone that can’t see to help themselves as yet

Crossing fingers for you all as well as the hugs and love xxx

Been that route already and it was making her "fat" so she stopped using it.

I kinda figured you would have tried, but thought I'd say just in case.

But good news about lunch today - will keep crossing fingers for you all xxxx

[Yorick]

Hundreds of kids come over here for the island sunshine life.
Most of my bike pals have been here 30 ish years.

In my local bar there was a beautiful girl and she was the happiest girl you could meet.
30 and having a ball. Lines of young men after her and she dated a few long term

She's been concerned about my recent health problems and always lifted my spirits.
Her presence in the bar made it a happy place as she was so happy and welcoming.

Last night, sadly, it ended.

Fark. I'm sat here crying. The last person you imagine.

Fly high tonight B

X

[Noggin]

Hugs to you Yorick.

Remember how she cared, how she brought a smile to you all.

Sadly, often the people that seem the happiest and notice other peoples mental health the most are the ones that paint a face on to keep the darkness at bay

It’s hard to spot, and almost impossible to help


But remembering the good side that she showed to people, the smile and her caring, thats important

Sending loads of love

[mangocrazy]

Sadly, often the people that seem the happiest and notice other peoples mental health the most are the ones that paint a face on to keep the darkness at bay

It’s hard to spot, and almost impossible to help

Very true, that. I've had two good friends commit suicide, and I would never have known either of them would be that way inclined. Is there a sign to look out for? Perhaps mood swings, but that can also be due to chemical imbalances in the brain. I really don't know.

[Noggin]

Sadly, often the people that seem the happiest and notice other peoples mental health the most are the ones that paint a face on to keep the darkness at bay

It’s hard to spot, and almost impossible to help

Very true, that. I've had two good friends commit suicide, and I would never have known either of them would be that way inclined. Is there a sign to look out for? Perhaps mood swings, but that can also be due to chemical imbalances in the brain. I really don't know.

It’s so sad. And unfortunately I don’t think there are signs. People that feel so bad are usually very very good at not showing that side of themselves to anyone.

I do think that sometimes, if a person suffers from depression themselves, they can sometimes see it in other people who also suffer. It is sometimes in the eyes - the behaviour and smile looks ‘normal’ but you can sometimes see the real feelings in the eyes. But rarely as we all know that the eyes show the real us, so people work to hide it.

It’s an incredibly difficult thing to see and help because there are so many different reasons/causes

[Bustaspoke]

I'm a bit wary posting about suicide,I don't want to give people ideas so I've no problem if the admins want take this post down but if it stays up here you go.
I've known 2 people commit suicide,one was my mate's partner in a garage business,they had their own customers but split the bills for running the garage,he was always a bit odd & detatched.I'd been away trucking all week & called in at my mate's for a brew & a chat,as we're talking he says 'Oh yea & Neils topped himself',it was no surprise,the worst part was that he left behind 2 young daughter's.He hanged himself off the end of Southport pier & was dangling for a few hours as the tide had come in & they couldn't get near him for a while to cut the rope.People get talking whilst they're waiting to cut him down & one of the emergency services crew says that 'It's suicide week & this is the 2nd suicide they've had to deal with today'.
Turns out there's a week in January when the suicide rate goes up .Earlier in his life he'd found his dad hanging,we don't know if this influenced him to do the same but it came as no surprise.
The other one was more of a surprise,she was a social worker & we later found that someone known to their social work group took their own life this way.I'll spare you the details but it must've looked like a scene from a Tarantino film.
On a lighter note a few months later we're in the pub & whilst I'm chatting to some woman,my big & daft mate chimes in 'I wouldn't go with him love,the last one chopped her head off!'
Life goes on...

[Taipan]

A shock to me was when a girl I know, told us her nephew took his own life because he couldn't deal with how he was treated after coming out. He was only in his early 20s. Being Gay is so openly celebrated today that I was shocked he'd had a bad experience with coming out??

[Noggin]

@Bustaspoke I think it needs talking about more, much more. So that people can learn that there is help there, that feeling that way is not unique to them, that there are solutions and people that will understand how they feel.

Not necessarily the specifics!! But why people get to that point. The availability of help.

One huge issue is that when it is mentioned that someone has committed suicide, the general comment is about selfishness. It's rarely about WHY that person felt that there was no other route for them to take. Suicide isn't selfish, it's sad, tragic, heartbreaking - to think that someone feels there is no other solution to how they feel/their situation. There always is but once in a mental loop, it's very very difficult to get out of that loop alone.

If people talked more about how they felt, others would maybe learn some of the reasons that people get to that point. Maybe there would be more support.

If depression could be talked about more, then people wouldn't feel that they would be put down/mocked/thought to be weak etc etc. In the past, having a history of depression could reduce your chances of employment. I had treatment when I was in my early 20's and was advised by various people never to mention it to an employer or anyone else in authority. That just made me less likely to talk about it to anyone - along with the fact that the two meds they offered me didn't help and made me worse. So why would I approach anyone for assistance or understanding. Along with the general feeling that the doctors were just chucking 'something' at me to make me go away as they thought I should MTFU and appreciate my life. So I haven't since. But I was very lucky in the rehab centre after the shoulder op to see a psychologist who helped me with PTSD from the cycling accident and gave me some tools to help manage the depression.

Depression is often caused by hormone or chemical imbalances. These imbalances can be caused by stress at times. So a traumatic experience could easily cause depression, which could spiral into more severe depression. Some people are born with an imbalance. Others get it as they grow up or after trauma or stress or other life changes.

With no help or understanding, people can often feel that there is no other option, that their friends and family would be better off if they weren't there - or that they won't be missed so they might as well choose to go. They are not right. But if you are locked into a solo cycle of trying to pretend life is fine whilst knowing you are so very NOT fine, where do you go? Who do you trust? Who offers support that doesn't involve a massive waiting time?

Sadly, I've known a few people who got to this point and chose to opt without telling anyone. And honestly, the only reason I survived my 20's was because I knew a lot of the guys in the fire service and police/ambulance in the town I lived in (I worked in a pub that many went into). I saw how they suffered after dealing with an accident that killed someone we all knew. The thought of putting them and/or the driver of whichever large vehicle I walked out in front of through dealing with the aftermath of me opting out was not acceptable to me. And at some point someone would find me and have to deal with that if I went 'quietly' as well. So I kept going, miserably, with a serous 'game face' on for virtually all my life. Now I'm very happy I did, but I am very aware of how close a run thing it has been that I get to enjoy this stage of my life where I finally understand being happy (and in love, I think !).

So, talk as much as possible (when appropriate!!). If nothing else, hearing people talking about suicide without mocking or lack of understanding may well enable someone suicidal to find someone to talk to.

[Noggin]

A shock to me was when a girl I know, told us her nephew took his own life because he couldn't deal with how he was treated after coming out. He was only in his early 20s. Being Gay is so openly celebrated today that I was shocked he'd had a bad experience with coming out??

I'm kinda shocked that you are shocked at that.

Not everyone openly celebrates it - especially parents, who at times are shocked and horrified - and so unable to offer support. And sometimes a friends group won't cope/be supportive about it. To me, that is no surprise but it is devastatingly sad that it still happens in this day and age

[Yorick]

I've thought long and hard, but feel it might be beneficial to add this...

Initially it seemed that my pal B above had gone through it all alone. But it's now clear some of her family knew back in UK
And a very good friend of mine here, had tried for ages to help her. She's devastated as her help was all in vain.

It must have been unbelievably hard for B with her family and a close friend were supporting her. Even harder now to remember her happy outgoing smile.

Fark,

[Taipan]

A shock to me was when a girl I know, told us her nephew took his own life because he couldn't deal with how he was treated after coming out. He was only in his early 20s. Being Gay is so openly celebrated today that I was shocked he'd had a bad experience with coming out??

I'm kinda shocked that you are shocked at that.

Not everyone openly celebrates it - especially parents, who at times are shocked and horrified - and so unable to offer support. And sometimes a friends group won't cope/be supportive about it. To me, that is no surprise but it is devastatingly sad that it still happens in this day and age

I guess because I grew up when being gay was considered wrong to the older generations and to many of them it still is! For my generation being gay was often despised and/or ridiculed. But today I think same sex relationships are as much a part of everyday life as opposite sex ones. I live in a pretty tough town, but even we have a gay nightclub! So that's why I was shocked at it, but I suppose he could easily have come into contact with anti gay people still, but even then i'd have thought his family and friends would have helped him get past that? Maybe he had other issues that he never shared?

[Noggin]

A shock to me was when a girl I know, told us her nephew took his own life because he couldn't deal with how he was treated after coming out. He was only in his early 20s. Being Gay is so openly celebrated today that I was shocked he'd had a bad experience with coming out??

I'm kinda shocked that you are shocked at that.

Not everyone openly celebrates it - especially parents, who at times are shocked and horrified - and so unable to offer support. And sometimes a friends group won't cope/be supportive about it. To me, that is no surprise but it is devastatingly sad that it still happens in this day and age

I guess because I grew up when being gay was considered wrong to the older generations and to many of them it still is! For my generation being gay was often despised and/or ridiculed. But today I think same sex relationships are as much a part of everyday life as opposite sex ones. I live in a pretty tough town, but even we have a gay nightclub! So that's why I was shocked at it, but I suppose he could easily have come into contact with anti gay people still, but even then i'd have thought his family and friends would have helped him get past that? Maybe he had other issues that he never shared?

I think we are the same/similar age, and yes, I remember all that. But that doesn't mean everyone has moved on. There are a LOT of anti gay people, but even within his family/friends group, there could well have been people that just didn't accept him the way he was. It's sad and it isn't restricted only to being gay, just 'different' causes issues in families or friends groups

But, yes he may well have had other issues but that could have been the final straw?

[Noggin]

I've thought long and hard, but feel it might be beneficial to add this...

Initially it seemed that my pal B above had gone through it all alone. But it's now clear some of her family knew back in UK
And a very good friend of mine here, had tried for ages to help her. She's devastated as her help was all in vain.

It must have been unbelievably hard for B with her family and a close friend were supporting her. Even harder now to remember her happy outgoing smile.

Fark,

Sometimes, depression is a hole you can't climb out of. Sometimes you can. For anyone that helped her it's more devastating that she went anyway - but the fact that someone (and some of her family, but mostly someone local) was there for her is amazing. Devastating for that friend now, but it will have made a difference to B a lot of the time, sadly there came a point where it didn't .

Sadly, sometimes the demons win over It's not a failure on anyone's part