Depression

[MrLongbeard]

Fuck waiting use my link and get help asap. CBT hmmm it does work for some but did nothing for me. 12 weeks is too long to wait tbh

If I had the coin I'd consider it, maybe not as seriously as I should, but that's because I'm not convinced about all this touchy feely talky stuff, whilst I'm comfortable in myself to get this stuff out there and discuss it to some degree I still have a very deep undercurrent of 'man up and get on with it' running through me (this is how I see and deal with me, it is not a reflection on how I feel about / see others, I don't want my own attitude about my headspace to put anyone off posting here).

I agree 12 weeks after waiting 4 weeks for the initial assessment is too long, and if I thought I was still as a crisis stage I'd be pulling my finger out, but the nights are drawing out.
I'm doing stuff that I couldn't previously that make me happier, and I'm leaning on my reserves of man up / learn to accept the things you cannot change store and I feel nowhere near as bad as I did, am I storing up problems for later? maybe, but for now it's working, for me, and if it lasts long enough to get me to the top of the waiting list so be it, and we'll see what happens then.

[Couchy]

So today the wife confirmed the marriage is over, me taking too long to get my illness sorted has taken its toll on her. Apparently I’m to leave but there’s no rush while we sort money and details out and I find a house. Still loves and cares for me as a friend which is fair enough and as all rooms are used here we’ll carry on our living/sleeping/eating arrangements.

Ive no idea about all the above it’s too much to take in tonight, counselling tomorrow so that’ll be fun. Dreading being in a house all alone waiting for the days I have my daughter. It’s exactly what I don’t want.

[MrLongbeard]

That's....., well I have no words, stay safe.

[MyLittleStudPony]

Couchy, I'm so sorry to hear that.

I'm not far from you and the door is always open and there's a spare room.

I know everyone is different. I went through something similar a few years back and it was all for the best and turned out well.

You may be like a twig on the shoulders of a mighty stream for a while. But things will sort themselves out. You can't rush it.

[weeksy]

Anyway, vaya con dios Couchy, buy her some flowers, say sorry, really mean it, try to explain what's going on in your head one last time, etc.

Couldn't be more the wrong answer in this circumstance i'm afraid.

[Docca]

All the man up/vikings clinking beer jugs together aside- there is a big difference between counselling and psychology. Different horses for different courses.

Working through expectations ( against perceptions) is part of the process. Pain and trauma isn’t just switched off, either. Then there is the bit about life-long investment in building autonomy (yes, that sounds like an oxymoron).

‘Didn’t understand me’ ‘load of twaddle’ ‘card trick’ ( ) - I think veers dangerously close to stigmatising therapy. It’s all voodoo and dark arts, right? It’s an investment - aside from your money, you’ll need to put a load of thinking in to it. That might not be comfortable for some.

Telephone CBT? Sign of the times. These services also use chatbots now ( to triage). Psychology is more than CBT, too.

The above isn’t meant to be barbed, but the thread was developing a little group think.

[Couchy]

Anyway, vaya con dios Couchy, buy her some flowers, say sorry, really mean it, try to explain what's going on in your head one last time, etc.

Couldn't be more the wrong answer in this circumstance i'm afraid.

It’s fine, the fact people are taking time to comment helps. The content is largely irrelevant. There are some good worlds amongst it all from everyone though.

[Taipan]

Anyway, vaya con dios Couchy, buy her some flowers, say sorry, really mean it, try to explain what's going on in your head one last time, etc.

Couldn't be more the wrong answer in this circumstance i'm afraid.

It’s fine, the fact people are taking time to comment helps. The content is largely irrelevant. There are some good worlds amongst it all from everyone though.

Marriage break ups are horrible and normally much worse for the men. I've seen it take its toll on a few friends, but Like Pony said, you will get through it and come out with a new perspective on things and no one can take being a Dad away from you.

Don't lose sight of yourself. Make time for yourself and fill that time with doing things you like to do and be around positive people that are good to spend time with. Dwelling on it seems to be where people get undone.

Its clear to see on here that you're well liked and have good friends. I wish you well mate.

[Cousin Jack]

So today the wife confirmed the marriage is over, me taking too long to get my illness sorted has taken its toll on her. Apparently I’m to leave but there’s no rush while we sort money and details out and I find a house. Still loves and cares for me as a friend which is fair enough and as all rooms are used here we’ll carry on our living/sleeping/eating arrangements.

Ive no idea about all the above it’s too much to take in tonight, counselling tomorrow so that’ll be fun. Dreading being in a house all alone waiting for the days I have my daughter. It’s exactly what I don’t want.

I'm sorry to hear that, but the good news is you are both still talking and acting in a civilized manner. far too many people start being stupid when a marriage goes tits-up, and start using kids, money, and everything else as weapons etc. Keep talking, even if it is just to decide how you are going to split stuff, don't EVER let it get all lawyers at dawn or the only winners will be the lawyers.

The other great thing about talking is that you might decide to give it a go again. I have seen several people at CA who started coming in for advice on divorce, got advised to talk through financial splits they could both live with, and ended up coming back and saying they didn't need us any more.

[Docca]

So I don't think that point of the thread was to furnish poor quality, unchallenged decisions. That's unhelpful.

A lot of the services are broken, but even if everything was 100%- there will still be occasions for people going to the wrong place for the wrong reasons.

Which is evident on occasion here. That's not a criticism.

[Yorick]

After I collapsed at work, McAfee had to take me seriously.
After about a month they sent me to a specialist to make sure I wasn't putting it on. Penny came with me.

After about half hour he was totally sure I'd had a biggy.
He explained that it wasn't cancer and wouldn't kill me.
It was just my brain going into overload and needed a time-out.
He said don't fight it. Go with the flow.

Then I saw photo of his bike on the wall. So I brought it up and the obvious conversation ensued.

He asked how I was when track instructing. Penny said that was my most relaxed and confident time.

He told me to go do more of them and he'd put it in his report.

And he told me not to stay at home. Pop to the pub occasionally to see my pals.

It seemed too good to be true. But why should I be denied 2 things I love in case work didn't approve?
They caused it.

[Taipan]

One thing in this thread that is very apparent, is the complete lack of support available from the NHS. Given suicide is the biggest killer of men under 50, that is very worrying...

[MrLongbeard]

Given suicide is the biggest killer of men under 50,

Only 7 months and 7 days until I'm safer but then I like to roll the dice, I'll be at the Manchester Arena on my 50th

[Cousin Jack]

One thing in this thread that is very apparent, is the complete lack of support available from the NHS. Given suicide is the biggest killer of men under 50, that is very worrying...

Yeah but, suicides cost the NHS nothing. Preventing suicides is expensive

[Docca]

One thing in this thread that is very apparent, is the complete lack of support available from the NHS. Given suicide is the biggest killer of men under 50, that is very worrying...

This is a funding challenge.

This is a stigma challenge.

This is a workforce challenge.


The trained staff don’t exist to man the pumps.

The cancer and hips wins votes - check in your local authority to see where government funding is apportioned.

NHS services are stripped to the bone. We have the lowest number of beds, staff and support in history. Thank the current government for that ( to give you context; there is a £500m contract currently up for grabs for ‘federated data platform’. Which in the current environment is gong to a Tory donator).

£500m would be a lot of therapy

[Mr Moofo]

One thing in this thread that is very apparent, is the complete lack of support available from the NHS. Given suicide is the biggest killer of men under 50, that is very worrying...

This is a funding challenge.

This is a stigma challenge.

This is a workforce challenge.


The trained staff don’t exist to man the pumps.

The cancer and hips wins votes - check in your local authority to see where government funding is apportioned.

NHS services are stripped to the bone. We have the lowest number of beds, staff and support in history. Thank the current government for that ( to give you context; there is a £500m contract currently up for grabs for ‘federated data platform’. Which in the current environment is gong to a Tory donator).

£500m would be a lot of therapy

And the other 179.5 billion?
How many Chief Execs in the NHS?

[darthpunk]

Got a doctors appointment for next week. Not feeling any worse, but I did start looking in to side effects of the tablets I take - Venloflaxin (most likely spelt very wrong) and I think a change is needed

One of those side effects was weight gain, a common complaint of this particular tablet. Now before I started these, I had lost 70 pounds in weight, I had done well and was very pleased that I might not have to buy a Diavel to haul my fat ass around and I could buy some classy threads like supermarket jeans straight off the rack. Since starting these I've put 35 pounds back on with no real increase in food intake and maintaining the same exercise regime I was already doing.

Secondly, and something I only found out about this morning, but based on my previous post, makes a hell of a lot of sense:

Selective Serotonin Reuptake Inhibitor Induced Indifference: Selective serotonin reuptake inhibitors (SSRIs), commonly used to treat depression, are associated with loss of motivation, energy, and lack of curiosity often referred collectively as apathy.

Only recently realised that the apathy and general disinterest in everything started around the same time as I started these tablets.

I had planned to come off tablets altogether for a while, I can't honestly say that I've functioned in the real world without anything for years now, and to be perfectly honest, I don't really think I am depressed anymore, at least, no where near the way I used to be.

[tricol]

I had some terrible side effects with various meds over the years. I was moved from SSRI's to SNRI's for a time, but nothing worked. Good luck with them.

[MyLittleStudPony]

When I told the NHS I was suicidal, it wasn't that interested. When I told them I was getting the urge to kill others, both random people and key actors in my situation, they became very joined up and attentive.

[MyLittleStudPony]

From my own (limited) experience, mental health issues can be different for different people.

SSRIs did work for me; but that was me in my situation.

Something I was told - which I didn't realise was very wise at the time - is that things often move slowly with mental health. I remember thinking "I need to get this sorted by the end of the week". That was never going to happen. I think it took a good 12 months to start to recover and maybe three years before I'd have said I was really ok again.

Over five years on and I think I've never been better. Much better than I was before. There was a time when I couldn't have believed it was possible. I'm not claiming any credit for that; I've been lucky and got good support and help.