Jokes Thread
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Horse
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Taipan
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Yambo
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Re: Jokes Thread
A new doctor is being shown around a Scottish hospital
As they enter one ward, the nearest patient turns to him and says "Fair fa' your honest sonsie face, great chieftain o' the pudden race!"
Before the doctor can react, the patient in the next bed adds "Wee sleekit cowerin' timorous beastie! O what a panic's in thy breastie!"
And not to be outdone, the third patient responds "Some ha' meat and cannae eat, and some wad eat that want it!"
The doctor murmurs to the orderly "So this is the mental health ward?"
"Och no!" replies the orderly.
"...it's the Burns Unit!"
As they enter one ward, the nearest patient turns to him and says "Fair fa' your honest sonsie face, great chieftain o' the pudden race!"
Before the doctor can react, the patient in the next bed adds "Wee sleekit cowerin' timorous beastie! O what a panic's in thy breastie!"
And not to be outdone, the third patient responds "Some ha' meat and cannae eat, and some wad eat that want it!"
The doctor murmurs to the orderly "So this is the mental health ward?"
"Och no!" replies the orderly.
"...it's the Burns Unit!"
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Taipan
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Re: Jokes Thread
The sky was looking ominous, so I asked Siri, “Surely, it’s not going to rain today?” And she replied, “Yes, it is, and don’t call me Shirley.” That was when I realised I’d left my phone on Airplane mode...
NC750X mpg 
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ChrisW
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Re: Jokes Thread
Well played.Taipan wrote: Sat Jan 25, 2025 8:32 pm The sky was looking ominous, so I asked Siri, “Surely, it’s not going to rain today?” And she replied, “Yes, it is, and don’t call me Shirley.” That was when I realised I’d left my phone on Airplane mode...
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Taipan
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Re: Jokes Thread
I’ve just tried some of Elvis Costello’s Mediterranean sausage range from Waitrose. I must say it was lovely, I think Olive salami is here to stay...
NC750X mpg
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JackyJoll
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Mr. Dazzle
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Taipan
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Re: Jokes Thread
When I heard they'd found a cure for dyslexia it was like music to my arse!
NC750X mpg
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JackyJoll
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Re: Jokes Thread
Waldorf yeah.Mr. Dazzle wrote: Sun Jan 26, 2025 2:04 pm That salad guy is still going strong a few millennia later.
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Felix
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Taipan
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Taipan
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Horse
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Re: Jokes Thread
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Even bland can be a type of character 
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Horse
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Re: Jokes Thread
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Even bland can be a type of character
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Horse
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Re: Jokes Thread
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Even bland can be a type of character
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Ditchfinder
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Re: Jokes Thread
Did you know that the male bee dies after mating?
That's basically their life: Honey, nut and cheerio
That's basically their life: Honey, nut and cheerio
'94 Sprint 900 and the scabbiest Himalayan in the country
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Yorick
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Skub
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Re: Jokes Thread
I've put all my dogging gear on ebay.
I've had no bids yet,but there's 41 watchers.
I've had no bids yet,but there's 41 watchers.
"Be kind to past versions of yourself that didn't know what you know now."
Walt Whitman
https://soundcloud.com/skub1955
Walt Whitman
https://soundcloud.com/skub1955