revtothelimit - motorbike forum

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Just had my Christmas dinner.

I don't rate these slow cookers one bit.

ZRX61 wrote: Thu Dec 12, 2024 12:49 am I had my leg X-rayed today.
The doctor said: 'Your patella measures 2.54cm'.
I asked: 'Inch high knees?'
He said: '你的髌骨 措施 2.54 厘米'

I had to google that. Then

Regarding the Luton hacker who stole unpublished music.
Apparently she would have got a more severe sentence, but having downloaded all those Coldplay tracks, the judge reasoned that she had been punished enough already…

What did the drummer name his 4 daughters??

Anna1
Anna2
Anna3
Anna4

Arguing with a woman is like reading a software agreement.
Eventually you just give up and click agree!

The AA have warned that anyone travelling in the current icy conditions should carry a shovel,blankets,sleeping bag,extra clothing including hat,scarf and gloves.
Also take a 24 hour supply of food and drinks,de-icer,rocksalt,torch,spare battery,petrol can,first aid kit and jump leads.

I looked a right cunt on the bus.

Bloke's walking home from the pub, late at night.

Woman's voice from the bushes: "Blow job, £20"

Bloke thinks 'Why not?' and heads into the gloom.

Couple of minutes later, copper shines a torch in, asks the stupid question ""What's happening?"

Bloke, thinking quickly, says "My wife's giving me pleasure ... "

Copper says "Ah, sorry, didn't realise it was your wife"

Bloke says "Until you shone the torch on her face, I didn't either."

Stay strong people,we'll get through these BBC weather warnings.

Skub wrote: Thu Jan 09, 2025 10:29 am Stay strong people,we'll get through these BBC weather warnings.

Buck house have announced a change in royal protocol.
Instead of getting a letter from the monarch on turning 100, girls will get a text from Prince Andrew on their 16th birthday

Sadlonelygit wrote: Thu Jan 09, 2025 2:55 pm Buck house have announced a change in royal protocol.
Instead of getting a letter from the monarch on turning 100, girls will get a text from Prince Andrew on their 16th birthday

Did you know you can get a card from the King for a 60th wedding anniversary, probably a more realistic proposition if you have any elderly relatives. It has to be applied for, but so does the 100th birthday card.

Some time in the future, Trump defies the burger grease in his arteries and Democrat snipers, to be last president standing from the current bunch.

He ends up at gates of Hell.

"Well," says the Devil "This is interesting, because we're full, no spaces for anyone else!"

Trump gets his hopes up, they're soon dashed.

The Devil says "Unfortunately, because of your record, you can't escape. Instead, you can choose who leaves to make room for you. Follow me, tell me who can go."

Devil opens a door. It's Joe Biden. Immediately Trump says "No!"

Next door, Obama, in a cold dank room, deep in concentration at his laptop. Trump looks over his shoulder, he's writing a 700 page volume on ... Trump looks no longer "No!"

Devil opens the third door.

Bill Clinton sat in a chair, trousers around his ankles. Monica Lewinsky giving him a blow job.

Trump can't believe it, "YES!" he yells.

The Devil says "OK, you can go Monica"

I bought my wife a fur coat made from a thousand Russian hamsters. I took here to Blackpool for the weekend to show it off but i couldn't get her off the big wheel...

Taipan wrote: Mon Jan 13, 2025 9:36 pm I bought my wife a fur coat made from a thousand Russian hamsters. I took here to Blackpool for the weekend to show it off but i couldn't get her off the big wheel...

1970 just called wanting its joke back.