Family politics rant - property

[MingtheMerciless]

Nowt as odd as family (between Mrs M's and mine, psychologists could write multiple thesis).

I know it sounds a bit lame but try to keep your cool and support your partner.

[Supermofo]

Rightly or wrongly, you need to get past the feeling that you/wife is entitled to something and your SIL/BIL are stealing it from you, then it will be a lot easier to deal with.

I think that's my problem. We don't want or expect anything we just want SIL/BIL to step up. You wanna make a life in Spain, fine, we miss you but do it properly. Don't pretend that living rent free in a home you've de facto taken as your own is right or proper. The Mrs is more worried about the villa being a millstone when her folks do go. Its nice to go over 2-3 weeks a year but not not at the cost likely incurred in inheritance etc. Plus as time has gone on its gone from feeling like a holiday home to living in someone's house. Last 2 years we've had to live out of suitcases as wardrobes are full with their clothes, their pics on walls etc etc.

Mrs missing her sister too doesn't help esp as she only really went cos of BIL.

Ho hum. Cheers though chaps. Letting it out here has helped me get it off my chest.

[Yorick]

My dad sold his big house in Leeds about 12 years ago and give us 3 lads a nice sum each. I used it to buy another house which worked out well financially.
He always told us the villa here would come down to us when he went, but his bitch missus would live there till she died. About a year before he died, she took him down to the legal place and got him to sign a new will leaving everything to her. He was cuckoo by then, but somehow evil bitch conned them.

She's old and doesn't need the money. More it's for her kids who she left when they were 10 & 12. Dad never liked them and would hate the money to go to them. They got money from their own dad

I've made some initial talks with a solicitor, but not sure if we want to fight it. It's complicated over here.

[Horse]

We told FiL to spend his money on himself. He ended his days in a very good home, with his flat up for sale to cover costs. Ironically, it sold the day after he died. Estate was shared between surviving children and grandchildren.

My mother wants to stay in her home as long as possible, she hates even the thought of going in a home. We have told her to spend her money on herself. The will splits her estate to children and grandchildren (and might have to be amended for great-children soon!).

Both myself and my sister, and Filly and her sister, and our families, are comfortable. We're not so well off that we can spend without thinking, but have a roof and foot, then a bit more.

My sister and her husband are more 'careful' than me. SiL is more 'speculative' - but they have worked hard for what they have.

I think it's an occasion where taking a bit of "I'm alright Jack" attitude works. If you're comfortable and not being badly ripped off, then accept it and move on.


It sounds like they are sitting in Spain seeing this as a golden egg, but ignorant of potential costs and ignoring that it could get sold from under them. But it's a situation that they have created. Your big problem might come if it does go badly wrong and they pull the family sympathy card.

[Mr. Dazzle]

As someone has said, you've got nothing to lose and they have everything to lose - unfortunately that means it's likely to get bitter.

That. Unfortunately.

When your MiL does finally pass your SiL could find herself in a heap of financial trouble with no way out. The thing I'd be wary of is them trying to drag you down with them...I'd lay a pound to a pinch of shit that when they realise how much it will actually cost them to inherit the Spanish property this "we'll take the villa you have the flat" idea will go out the window.

I've no idea how far away the MiLs departure actually is, but it would be worth working out what you're gonna do in that situation and what the costs actually are.

[JackyJoll]

My dad sold his big house in Leeds about 12 years ago and give us 3 lads a nice sum each. I used it to buy another house which worked out well financially.
He always told us the villa here would come down to us when he went, but his bitch missus would live there till she died. About a year before he died, she took him down to the legal place and got him to sign a new will leaving everything to her. He was cuckoo by then, but somehow evil bitch conned them.

She's old and doesn't need the money. More it's for her kids who she left when they were 10 & 12. Dad never liked them and would hate the money to go to them. They got money from their own dad

I've made some initial talks with a solicitor, but not sure if we want to fight it. It's complicated over here.

Bitch or not, he made the decision to marry her. Do you respect his decision?

[Yorick]

My dad sold his big house in Leeds about 12 years ago and give us 3 lads a nice sum each. I used it to buy another house which worked out well financially.
He always told us the villa here would come down to us when he went, but his bitch missus would live there till she died. About a year before he died, she took him down to the legal place and got him to sign a new will leaving everything to her. He was cuckoo by then, but somehow evil bitch conned them.

She's old and doesn't need the money. More it's for her kids who she left when they were 10 & 12. Dad never liked them and would hate the money to go to them. They got money from their own dad

I've made some initial talks with a solicitor, but not sure if we want to fight it. It's complicated over here.

Bitch or not, he made the decision to marry her. Do you respect his decision?

He didn't marry her. Until 3 years ago, he always said " She put fuck all in. She's getting fuck all out."

[Mussels]

That they are living there rent free now is between them and your MIL, little to do with you unless your MIL says she wants help.
The whole will thing sounds like a nightmare from what some others have mentioned. On top of what's already been said I'd not be surprised if the UK government decides the Spanish villa is part of the UK based estate and taxes the value of that as well as any UK based assets, or at least it's value is taken off any UK IHT allowance.
FWIW we have a similar issue, FIL recently inherited a house in Ireland and said he'd split the proceeds between his two kids. A few months later we found out my BIL had a new house mortgage free and we had nothing. My missus reckons it's the national and religious disregard for women but I think it's the squeaky wheel getting the oil. He was out of work due to the lockdown and was virtue signalling all over the place that him and his wife were volunteering to help, turns out they were sponging off my wife's parents the whole time despite having been given a house. Pissed my wife off no end as she thinks their priority should have been getting a job rather than boasting about their volunteering. He's in a good profession and I know a guy he started with is doing pretty well but he doesn't have any drive to do well as his parents have been bailing him out financially for many years.

[ZRX61]

Tell SiL that you will be moving to the place in Spain & sharing it with them. As SiL can't seem to make a fucking decision, tell her you've made one & will be moving to Spain next month.

[Yambo]

I have no idea about property and inheritance law in Spain but in your position I think I'd be doing a bit of research on behalf of your wife supermofo.

Here in Turkey, when I die, my sons will inherit my house/estate equally. If I was to marry again, my widow would get nothing because a) in Turkey, blood is a lot thicker than the ink on a marriage contract; b) I have a will saying that my sons are the only ones entitled to my estate and c) there would be a pre-nup in place that would say that my wife and her family are not entitled to any of my estate just as I and my family are not entitled to any of my wife's estate should she die before me. What's mine is there for my sons and what is hers should be there for her children (or family if she has none). I'm not intending to marry again but people keep telling me I shouldn't exclude the possibility and as all the likely candidates, being of a similar age to me are likely to have family they should not lose out because a couple of old fogies want some companionship. Some people may have a fairly low opinion of me but I sure as shit wouldn't be going into a second marriage for what possessions I could get out of it and the woman taking the plunge would have to understand that that has to go both ways.

As far as Yorick's father is concerned it may be the situation in law that the unmarried partner is not entitled to anything despite a will being written. Maybe the state will take everything but I don't know. If I was in that situation though I'd be doing some research into the local, legal situation.

There's now't as queer as family.

[Nobby]

Families.
Things wot I have learnt.
Don't trust anyone. More so In Laws.
Parents. Talk to your Children.
Children. Talk to your Parents.
Children. Behave yourselves
Make a Will. List everything. Even the Black and Decker Workmate and Dustsheet.
Keep all correspondence to avoid the He says She says situations 9 years down the road. Oh yes.
Be prepared for People to come out of the Woodwork.
Finally. Let it go.

[JackyJoll]

There's now't as queer as family

Money’s thicker than blood!

Getting some free money when relations die is comforting (and useful lol), but eager anticipation of it is unedifying and often misguided.

I do think you should feel free to contest a will, or claim against an estate. You’re not going to offend the deceased.

Maybe more relevant to Yorick than Supermofo.

[JackyJoll]

Families.
Things wot I have learnt.
Don't trust anyone. More so In Laws.
Parents. Talk to your Children.
Children. Talk to your Parents.
Children. Behave yourselves
Make a Will. List everything. Even the Black and Decker Workmate and Dustsheet.
Keep all correspondence to avoid the He says She says situations 9 years down the road. Oh yes.
Be prepared for People to come out of the Woodwork.
Finally. Let it go.

I would add:-
Keep it simple.
Don’t try to control people from beyond the grave.
Remember that some beneficiaries may unhelpfully die before you, especially if they’re nearly as old as you.

[Horse]

Remember that some beneficiaries may unhelpfully die before you, especially if they’re nearly as old as you.

Shouldn't a well-written will allow for that?

[JackyJoll]

Remember that some beneficiaries may unhelpfully die before you, especially if they’re nearly as old as you.

Shouldn't a well-written will allow for that?

Yes, that’s kind of what I’m saying.

There are many badly-written wills. Some may have lacked good legal advice; some may even have defied good legal advice!

[Cousin Jack]

Wills - recipe for family bickering and all the worst character traits to come to the fore.

Been there, seen that.

Read Horse's post earlier on. I was going to point out that forrin rules can be very different, but he has done it for me.

[Horse]

Some may have lacked good legal advice; some may even have defied good legal advice!

Somehow - I really don't understand the legal intricacies - my dad's will was rewritten after his death.

Mind you, the solicitor who did it subsequently had 'issues' and 'retired' ...

[Wreckless Rat]

I have nothing of real value to add, apart from don't let chasing the belief of entitlement ruin your life. It sounds (like many families) the inheritance part will eat everyone's sense of normality, and end with bitterness, resentment and a huge solicitors bill.

My only effort would be to try and get them to openly discuss it, if that failed, I would have nothing more to do with it. What may or may not come your way, it's not worth living in hope, bitterness, and resentment.

Good luck in whatever way you deal with it and I genuinely mean it. I am the executor (well I was the last I knew) for a family will, the day that comes fills me with dread tbh. I know it will be WW3.

[Yorick]

I was executor for mum's will. It was straightforward. I did find a handwritten note from her leaving £500 to each of her grandkids. Three of them ignored her so felt like chucking the note away, but it's what she wanted.
Her house has already gone to pay her care hone fees, but she had some cash left.
I split it 3 ways and gave my wanker brother his share in Euros in front of his missus and my missus. Less €1k

He was angry that it was €1k short. I said "You've owed my a grand for years."
His face was thunder and he would have attacked me if there had been no witnesses.
I went home with big smug grin

My share paid for my camper conversion and she would have loved that.