Depression

[Count Steer]

I don’t need anymore dogs! We’ve got 10 of the bloody things!
In fairness I have a charmed life, no mortgage or money worries, self employed and can please myself, there is no “reason” to the depression, it’s just an illness that I have and will always have.
It’ll pass in a few days like Yoricks anxiety.
It is a help and very much appreciated that I can sound off here and feel people are listening.

The illness bit is where friends can be of limited use. Lots of us are of an age where that wasn't recognised. It was all, 'pull yourself together man' and iron 'tonic'. I got into a bit of a black hole over exams once and my mother said 'you're too young to be depressed' but my dad (bless 'im ) said 'so, if you fail, do they cut your hands off?' ie you can still do a decent day's work without exam passes. That actually helped! (I got my grades Must have been the fear of doing physical work ).

[Le_Fromage_Grande]

In fairness I have a charmed life, no mortgage or money worries, self employed and can please myself,

See, you're not under achieving, that's success by any sane person's standards.

Under achieving would be being having to perform blow jobs in the car park of Boston Asda so that you can afford to live in a bedsit in Mablethorpe

[Couchy]

Definitely not a burden and not whinging. It’s good to write it down and hopefully you’ll see others will listen.
Personally I find exercise a big help, it’s why I mountain bike a lot as I can take myself away from everything, the fresh air and exercise changes feelings very quickly. My issue is anxiety ever since Grib passed away I fear the worst and it takes some beating. At times it wins and leads to worse. I’m fairly in control these days but there was a time I thought that wasn’t possible. I’ve tried medication and counselling, the medication I stopped as the side affects were rubbish.
What I’m saying is there is an answer somewhere so keep looking

[Skub]

In fairness I have a charmed life, no mortgage or money worries, self employed and can please myself,

See, you're not under achieving, that's success by any sane person's standards.

Under achieving would be being having to perform blow jobs in the car park of Boston Asda so that you can afford to live in a bedsit in Mablethorpe

You've worked with the Royal Shakespeare Company haven't you?

[Taipan]

10 bloody dogs?

Christ, I'd be depressed picking up after that lot! Sorry Scud, a probably tasteless attempt at a bit of lightness through humour.

[Le_Fromage_Grande]

You've worked with the Royal Shakespeare Company haven't you?

Have you seen my Malvolio?
I thought it was outstanding, but those pompous fools at the RSC were scared of change.

[slowsider]

In fairness I have a charmed life, no mortgage or money worries, self employed and can please myself,

See, you're not under achieving, that's success by any sane person's standards.

Under achieving would be being having to perform blow jobs in the car park of Boston Asda so that you can afford to live in a bedsit in Mablethorpe

Be the best version of yourself

[Noggin]

I’m afraid it’s not a mid life drama, I’ve suffered bouts of depression for the last 30 years, I have medication, but sometimes it gets a grip of me.
Funnily enough I rode my bike to skeg yesterday with a couple of mates, if I’m honest I rode like a twat as my overall feeling at present is I have nothing to lose.
I know I sound like a whinging twat, and most probably am, but in my head things are spiralling out of control at this moment.

Absolutely NOT a whinging twat. I find it really helped me to post on here. Most people here have some understanding of depression either because they have to/have had to deal with it themselves or because they have done so for/with friends and family. An awesome thing of here is the fact that you CAN share things like this and people will help. To me, this is what Family is about. And I'm sure I'm not the only one here that considers that the people that make this forum are also a 'proper' family to some of us

I’ve always felt that I’ve under achieved, a feeling well and truely re-enforced by my parents.

I'll give you some perspective on that one.

I have a friend who is very smart,a school teacher all her life. Her mother was also a school teacher and a hard taskmaster. My friend passed all her exams with straight A marks.
What did her mother say?
I'm ashamed of you,I've never had anything less than a distinction.

Our parents leave an indelible mark on us and for good or bad,we carry that all our lives. There's some good advice on this thread,but don't be afraid to seek professional opinion too,especially if you think you are sinking low. There may be a medical reason for this. In the mean time,talk to whoever will listen,no one here is going to judge.

I've lived that life. Sux when a parent gets their kids IQ tested and then spends the rest of the kids' lives pressuring them to fulfil that number somehow

However, I did once say to my BDad that I knew I'd disappointed him and he was horrified that I thought that way. Not going to risk saying that to my mother tho!!!!

In fairness I have a charmed life, no mortgage or money worries, self employed and can please myself, there is no “reason” to the depression, it’s just an illness that I have and will always have.
It’ll pass in a few days like Yoricks anxiety.
It is a help and very much appreciated that I can sound off here and feel people are listening.

As others have said, if it helps to talk to a random internet stranger then I'm happy to be that random.

I've suffered from depression all my life (well, I remember feeling it before I hit my teens, but I wasn't allowed to be sad or miserable, let alone depressed when I lived at home). I've been able to manage it mostly and bikes 100% helped that, so the last few years have been a juggling act that I didn't always succeed at. But have luckily found a couple of friends here that really will listen as often as I like. And the more they prove that, the less I need to (not the same for everyone, I know). I tried some meds in my 20's and after finding the side effects worse than the depression, I make myself manage now - I've had 40+ years of learning and practicing - I reckon I mostly do ok


Hope it passes for you soon, or that you can get it back under control and feel more positive. But never feel you shouldn't post on here or message or call someone to talk. I think pretty much everyone would prefer to reply to a message or answer a call than think you are going down the rabbit hole too far xxxx

[Wscad]

Well here is my little bit of input on this subject.

I can go to some dark places from time to time. I don’t know if it’s depression or anxiety.

I worry about stuff. We have no debt, mortgage free, have a holiday let cottage here in bronteland, have another house we rent out. All paid for.

I worry if we can stay warm this winter. We have around 3 ton of logs stacked up along with around 3 ton of coal. We are around £250 in credit with our utility supplier.

We have a twin burner camping stove with a big calor gas bottle, loads of solar powered led lights and a 1000kva generator.

I get up some days and I can’t be arsed to do anything, nothing, nothing at all. I put my bike away Nov 2019. I got it out on the road this Easter. For more than 2 years, I couldn’t be arsed to get the bike out and blow some cobwebs off.

Why do I worry about things ?

Any way, back on topic. Lots of good things have been posted. Keep talking and I think this forum will always be there for you

Finally, I had a stuffed cat made. If I get fed up I boot the thing around the house for bit. Also watching you tube clips of faulty towers helps me out.

Take care

I hope some of this makes sense.....if not forget it

[the_priest]

I'm glad you have the guts to talk about it. And you have people listening to you intently, with sincerity and care.

Keep talking and we will keep listening. Some of our replies will be total bollocks, some of it will be useful and of help in your morning of darkness.

I hope that you find peace that sustains you lifelong and restores your true sense of worth and value. Be beloved and see value in your life because you
will have made marks in peoples lives for the good.

[Buckaroo]

As expected, the folks who are this forum have been as supportive as ever.

When you feel down, like you've lost your sense of purpose, worth and direction, it's incredibly tough to speak about it for fear of being told to pull yourself together, told that you've nothing to worry about etc etc.

Depression and anxiety are rarely anything to do with material things. My father in law has had everything imaginable except happiness and a life free of depression. At 87 he's finally woke up to realizing that as long as you have people who care about you that's what matters, all else is secondary.

I've had moments of deep depression, but not anymore. I was lucky to come across two books that changed me. The first was The 7 Habits, the second was Man's search for the meaning of life: Stephen Covey and Vicktor Frankel respectively. I've read them many times now. Music has also helped me, but without doubt, family and friends have made 'me' possible.

Reading that so many RTTL 'names' that I have grown to respect and enjoy reading their posts these past years have also been down this lonely path and have come through with good humour and fulfilling lives, is testament to their advice.

For what it's worth, my advice is to never doubt yourself, remember that we are human, with all the frailties and imperfections, but by helping one another, we survive and bring meaning to what we do and are.

To live, to love, to learn and to leave a legacy is a life well lived.

[Felix]

Although the recent royal news is sad i think the media have went overkill with the whole melancholy of the event. No one thinks about the people suffering depression out there. I know my wife has taken a few steps backwards over the weekend and could not escape with radio nor TV. Covid came knocking yesterday so its walks round the garden only for her what is also not helping.

Good luck Scud im sure this bout will pass and even if you think you dont want to be a burden TBH no one minds. Get your feelings known and talk to folk. My wife attended a mental health group up here once a week what helped no end. Not the kind of Stand up and my name is Bob and am nuts kind of place but a help group. Folk could relate to each other better and as it was a charity group there was cash to take folk out. Some days on little excursions or even the cinema, zoo, museum. You should see if anything is in your area. There is no shame in suffering depression

[Scud]

Just an update!

I’d like to thank you all for your replies, it does make a difference knowing people I don’t know from Adam take time to reply.
I went home and put on my earphones and shovelled, narrowed and spread the 2 ton of gravel I had delivered yesterday, in a strange way I felt a nice sense of achievement.
I then took the dogs out in the fields for an hour, they were happy about that and I had time to have a think.
I honestly believe I’m actually grieving at the moment. As daft as it sounds coming from a tattooed, bearded fat skin head, I’ve been quite affected by the death of the queen.
After all that I had a good nights sleep, and while I’m far from being myself I do feel a touch brighter today.
I’ve also taken the decision and removed all social media from my phone, I feel I waste way too much time scrolling through everyone showing off their “perfect” lives

Thanks again to all for your support

[weeksy]

I’ve also taken the decision and removed all social media from my phone, I feel I waste way too much time scrolling through everyone showing off their “perfect” lives

Thanks again to all for your support

Great start, now remove BBC news, Sky news and any other doom and gloom monger.

Worry about you and your family... the rest, you can't change, can't affect...

If inflation goes up, or down... does it matter ? Nah, who fucking cares... we'll all have a bit less or a bit more... but you'll be fine mate. Don't sweat the stuff you can't fix.... fix you, fix the missus.... the rest... will take care of itself.

[Mr Moofo]

I’ve also taken the decision and removed all social media from my phone, I feel I waste way too much time scrolling through everyone showing off their “perfect” lives

Thanks again to all for your support

Great start, now remove BBC news, Sky news and any other doom and gloom monger.

Worry about you and your family... the rest, you can't change, can't affect...

If inflation goes up, or down... does it matter ? Nah, who fucking cares... we'll all have a bit less or a bit more... but you'll be fine mate. Don't sweat the stuff you can't fix.... fix you, fix the missus.... the rest... will take care of itself.

As the Weeksmeister says "worry about the things you can affect and don't worry about those you can't"

It is probably not that easy to do in real life, as I am trying to coach my wife who his having 41 year old daughter issues. The reality of it hit me at about 50, when I fell out with my employers. It is much easier to be positive about actions, projects and issues you can drive.
But impending nuclear war, invasion by killer bees, heating costs, inflation , potential Russian invasion, G Potter having left to go to Chelsea are all things that you have no control over. Hence you just need to rest to them when they become an issue.

[Yorick]

For last year I often feel just lazy, tired and lacking motivation. It was eventually diagnosed as high blood pressure which is being monitored. I improved my diet but only slight improvement in the BP

Some days I just lie on the sofa, and CBA to do anything. This mixed with my anxiety problems made me just miserable. Same symptoms as depression, but thankfully not the same thing. End of last week and the weekend were bad. I looked forward to walking into town for a few beers each night which gave me something to look forward to. But too idle Friday to even do that

I checked the weather forecast which showed a fews days without wind. I hate cycling in the strong wind but could look forward to no wind today. Had the first proper cycle ride in about a year earlier. About 10 miles then jumped straight in the pool.

Still buzzing now.

But in all my dark dreary times, I never missed the long dog walks. My app on my phone shows I've averaged 4.6 miles each day over the last year

[Yorick]

And I have to go to a clinic in PdC early tmrw or Thursday and will have to go on the bike as impossible to park. I'm thinking of keeping going and heading over to Fuertaventura for the day. Not been off the island on the bike this year.

Still smiling Just hope my mood doesn't drop as amazing roads over there.

[Docca]

I made the mistake of working on my birthday this year. It wasn’t a big one (48) but it was my birthday. Nothing major happened that day either, but from a work perspective it was interesting to see how the accumulation of ‘stuff’ made me slip in to ‘ffs, why is this <slightly challenging thing > happening today, don’t people know it’s my birthday?’ quite quickly.

Making a segway seamlessly to depression, it’s really easy for the cumulative effect of stuff to start feeling persecutory and overwhelming and even vindictive. Particularly if it’s stuff that is outside of your control, like other people’s lives. The perception of how others live through the window of social media is skewed. It’s tricky to ignore if that’s your go to place for distraction and down time.

Depression and anxiety commonly share the same bed. Not always, but often.

There is usually a root cause for either, which is why the process of ‘formulation’ as part of any assessment is you want to go down the professional help route is so very important. That could take weeks and you need someone who is skilled to do it, which I’m sad to say is becoming increasingly rare on the NHS. Private practice is well stocked here though.

Working through your story; your history, your strengths and tolerances is important.

NICE guidance has been for talking therapies and medicine as a first line of attack. I’m not so sure anymore. Perhaps experience talking, but anyone jumping straight on to meds can be put off that route pretty quickly if results aren’t apparent in a timely way. Some people need medicine, most probably won’t.

Be mindful that behavioural responses are typical to deal with anxiety: avoidance being a classic. Feeling anxious in a situation - avoid the situation. It’s natural, but not really helpful.

I’d also be keen to normalise depression. Everyone gets down from time to time, some more than others. Sometimes that’s a reaction ( usually) to a life thing, sometimes (occasionally) it’s chemicals. Sometimes the former influences the latter.

I’d encourage more openness about this matter, especially as men.

I’d also encourage simple mental health hygiene stuff like scheduling activities to feel things such as accomplishment. The dark clouds can bring a lethargy which cripples. Don’t let feelings and emotions define your life, try and live to your best despite such things.

Finally, remember that you’ll be responsible for how you cope here and for the rest of your life.

[Le_Fromage_Grande]

Docca must have had a hard paper round, I thought he was older than me.

[Le_Fromage_Grande]

Just thought of something I find settled my mind really well, making wiring looms for classic bikes, most people hate doing this, I find it very relaxing (but I wouldn't want to do it for a living)

I also enjoy playing with Lego and making model aeroplanes, perhaps the 12 year old me knew something about what relaxes my mind.