Counselling, issues, problems.

[ZRX61]

This explains a lot

The financial cost to the kid has been rather spectacular so far & is going to be truly epic when her UK grandparents pop their clogs.
She was offered a new car when she graduated high school... didn't return the email.
The same offer was made when she graduated college.... didn't return the email.
Grandparents said "fuck it" & so far she's lost an inheritance of around £400k
She's also been cut out of one grandmothers will, which will cost her another £850k...

She has no idea of the last two as all contact attempts have been stopped. She lives about 3 miles from me, haven't spoken to her in a decade. She knows where to find me, saw her last month as I was driving out of a parking lot as she was driving in.

Guy at a local motorcycle shop mentioned that he dated her for a few months... while she was in a "committed relationship" with the tool she later married.

[Silly Car]

I, 100% guarantee, without the support of my counsellor last year, I wouldn’t be here to reply to this or any other thread.

Initially, the idea was to start with couples counselling but I was advised, for my own sake, to start with solo counselling on the basis, I couldn’t attempt to mend a relationship with the wife when my Brian was dealing with redundancy, bereavement and everything else inc the relationship issues.

Sadly, by the time I was heading in the right direction and able to contemplate relationship matters, that ship had sailed…

To the credit to the counselling I sought, I was able to deal with that matter clearly and the ex and I have continued to be civil, I can’t say we are any more than acquaintances but there isn’t any animosity between us, although, I can only speak for myself.

A client of mine recently disclosed MH issues and I was more than happy to discuss my experience and that counselling wasn’t to be feared. As a retired toolmaker, I also suggested he looked into man sheds as his skills and knowledge would be highly regarded and he’d have an outlet to discuss his circumstances.

[David]

Who is Brian?

[David]

But seriously....good luck and stay strong.

[Cousin Jack]

If you want a divorce you MUST do counselling first. Idea is to sort out all the non contentious shit, so the judge hasn't got to spend ages ruling g on stuff you can agree yourselves.

[Silly Car]

If you want a divorce you MUST do counselling first. Idea is to sort out all the non contentious shit, so the judge hasn't got to spend ages ruling g on stuff you can agree yourselves.

You absolutely do not have to have counselling before getting a divorce. Mediation and / or counselling is recommended for the reason you state.

Contentious divorces still exist as do mutually agreed, non-fault*, divorces where individuals act like grown ups and agree the division of assets & liabilities, and matters in respect of any children between themselves and apply for divorce and financial settlement / consent order without the need for solicitors, mediators or counsellors.

* IIRC essentially all divorces are now because the “marriage has broken down irretrievably” ergo non-fault but the judge will take into account the behaviour of each party, omissions, failure to provide information to support Form E etc or should there be a failure to arrive at a mutually acceptable agreement when it comes to finances.

[636mick]

Gotta agree, no counselling needed prior to an ex wife lying through her teeth to try and get every last penny from a divorce, ps I’m not bitter
In a work vein, we deal with some horrible stuff at times and one of my main things is to check in with staff afterwards on a regular basis plus we offer free counselling if they feel it might help. Not used it myself but I’ve heard good reports back from those who have. I’ve suggested it to others for help with relationships, money, MH, all sorts as it’s there to help and they are not just for trauma related things. I see it as a good thing for those who recognise they may benefit from it, some won’t/can’t see they need it.
Mick

[Buckaroo]

In the companies I worked for in the past they typically invested in an EAP: employee assistance program. Lots of the leadership poo pood it as a waste of money. We tracked usage using the way the system categorised the reasons for employees accessing it. Not the actual details of course. You could see distinct correlation between such things as performance review time, Christmas and things that had clearly caused concern:staff reshuffling and dismissals. We were able to also show that there was a potential reduction in grievances and disciplinary action, if we assumed the introduction of the EAP was indeed responsible for the reduction. People talking through their issues rather than having a meltdown. The data was quite compelling.
I whole heartedly agree with this kind of support and its benefit.

[Docca]

I think it’s unhelpful to lump all counselling under the same banner.

It’s also probably a good idea to think through what we mean by counselling. Mentorship and supervision at work? Men’s sheds groups where blokes get therapeutic benefit from just being around each other? Going down the local? Treatment ( such as CBT) vs just listening?

Context is key as usual. Personally, I’ve always held couples counselling in the same branch of make believe as homeopathy. It’s typically people from failed relationships who are not strong enough to concede that it’s possible for people to lose interest in them that end up doing the courses. Then from a couples perspective, you have wife or hubby wanting the counsellor to prove their side of the argument and they were right

That said, individual counselling from where you can go on to materially improve a relationship,,,

Life can throw you all sorts of shit. I wouldn’t want to be too judgemental on people exploring ways to try and make sense of it. Sometimes it’s just all part of the time process and will come good.

[MrLongbeard]

EAP: employee assistance program

Our place offers that, unfortunately it's through an insurance company rather than a health care provider so I won't touch it with a barge pole

[the_priest]

I don't do counselling, I give pastoral support, a totally different animal.

My daughter had counselling, some of it was of use, other bits useless. Depends if you gel with the person or not, and if you are receptive to it or not.

[ZRX61]

If you want a divorce you MUST do counselling first. Idea is to sort out all the non contentious shit, so the judge hasn't got to spend ages ruling g on stuff you can agree yourselves.

My ex thought court orders were mere suggestions that could be ignored, then she got slapped with 34 (iirc) counts of Contempt. Judge told her she was looking at 5 days jail for each count.
That got her attention... altho she still tried to claim I had forged her signature on a document that was actually notarized in her lawyers office. Judge had a few choice words over that.

[Buckaroo]

EAP: employee assistance program

Our place offers that, unfortunately it's through an insurance company rather than a health care provider so I won't touch it with a barge pole

There's an understandable scepticism about these systems and who's behind it. We spent a considerable amount of time engaging with union and non union alike. In reality, once a system and it's administration are of doubt, you have to move on and find an alternative.

[Noggin]

I'm probably the same as you weeksy, if you dont have bad shit, how do you value the good stuff. That said I do think some people are just predisposed to carry baggage and let it ruin their day/week/month even life. My old mate was like that. If he fell over but then found a £20 note on the floor, he'd moan that he'd A. Fallen Over and B. It wasn't a £50 note like everyone else would find, apparently. I suppose its just is your glass half full, or half empty?

This. I grew up around a couple of narcissists, didn't know that at the time. And so ended up for a long time with some of their traits

One day when I was complaining about a parent and their effect on my life and everything, my SIL said "you're almost 40 and left home at 18; how long are you going to blame it on them?"



That made me sit up and think A LOT !!

From then on I used the "draw a line and step over it" view to life. Try really hard to leave the baggage behind you when you step over and life is infinitely better.

Sadly, one of said family members is incapable of that (despite me trying various ways of suggesting it) and Everything is Always someone else's fault Sad really as it really messes up your life to cling on to all the shit that's happened in the past


On the counselling, my only regret about the first physical rehab place is that I wasn't able to continue seeing the psycologist after I left. I did try another in the second place, but my French wasn't good enough and she did so want to go over everything I'd already worked out which just made me more stressed !!

You do really need to find someone you have a rapport with but I think even just having someone to talk 'at' can help sometimes, even if they don't seem to 'add' a lot, talking stuff out can often help more than we expect

[v8-powered]

Counselling’s fucking great. I went to see a marriage guidance counsellor with my ex-wife when it was all going to shit and in my mind was not going to get any better. I think it was the second session when I decided that I’d definitely made the right decision to get out of there

Very similar here 15 years ago - helped me clear my mind and make a big decision.

Do feel that for some people it's a lifesaver - got a work colleague who's in a very bad place currently, don't think he'd even be here now without the support he's getting from various parties.

[636mick]

EAP: employee assistance program

Our place offers that, unfortunately it's through an insurance company rather than a health care provider so I won't touch it with a barge pole

There's an understandable scepticism about these systems and who's behind it. We spent a considerable amount of time engaging with union and non union alike. In reality, once a system and it's administration are of doubt, you have to move on and find an alternative.

We use EAP too, and I can understand the scepticism you mention as they don’t get much use, and as people who have used them only really complain but don’t compliment they get a bad press. Shame as my very limited dealings arranged for others does seem to have helped.
We are big on checking up on each other but never seeing it through properly.
Mick