Greenman wrote: ↑Fri Oct 21, 2022 10:38 pm
happiness doesn't just come from having everything you want
I'd say you're absolutely right. Happiness does not come from material stuff, having a big house, loads of spare cash to buy whatever nonsense you want. People might say it helps, or that they couldn't do a certain lifestyle without it, but when you strip it back the happiness isn't about that at all. Depression effects everyone, from millionaires to the working man.
But if you have a generally happy life, it sets you up to cope better. When my anxiety kicks in, I look around to see what we've got and makes it a little easier to bear.
I'd rather be a bit poorly here than a but poorly in a flat in Bradford.
Wscad wrote: ↑Mon Oct 24, 2022 9:18 am
Here we go. I may have posted some info before so bear with me.
Every day is the same. She comes down from her bedroom at 11am . The gas cooker goes on with 5 rings on full tilt. Egg shells and flour, butter., and eff knows what all over the effing place.
Is this effing normal?
If you remove the gas ring bits (top plate and spreader that is underneath), the gas ring won't light. Leave one available.
Remove the cooking ingredients to a place of your choosing and issue them to the lass on the terms that she won't get them again if she doesn't clear up after herself.
You and the wife need to be together on this disciplinary approach but in my experience people stop taking the piss when they become severley disadvantaged, regardless of the cost of their schooling.
Manderin A. Well no surprise there as she is from China
maths c
Art c
Saturday wife and teen go shopping to Sainsbury’s.
Along with the shopping there is a 4ft high plastic sunflower.
When teen effs off to her bedroom I say to wife.....what’s with the sunflower?
Oh it’s for teens art project.
So teen gets into a bikini, fills the bath full of water, jumps and is fully submerged , eyes wide open holding a effing sunflower, wife takes around a 100 pics.
Is this effing normal?
By the way, I did not participate nor did I take part in the photo shoot
It sounds like just a teenager being a bit of a self cantered dick.
I found the best way to deal with it is not to respond, shrug your shoulders and wait for them to mature and act like an adult. Fair enough some never do, but the majority do.
It really is a no win one with teenagers, but definately not worth getting wound up by.
@Wscad
I find cash is a great bargaining chip with teens, but I'd guess this one gets plenty of cash from a different source. If your wife has no leverage over the wayward child then she needs to apply pressure on whoever does.
Wscad wrote: ↑Mon Oct 24, 2022 12:09 pm
Saturday wife and teen go shopping to Sainsbury’s.
Along with the shopping there is a 4ft high plastic sunflower.
When teen effs off to her bedroom I say to wife.....what’s with the sunflower?
Oh it’s for teens art project.
So teen gets into a bikini, fills the bath full of water, jumps and is fully submerged , eyes wide open holding a effing sunflower, wife takes around a 100 pics.
Is your wife taking all this in her stride or is it freaking her out too?
As teenagers go, I'm not sure she's that odd any more.
How much longer is this for? I'd be tempted to take myself off on holiday.
The cooking thing reminds me of a place my wife used to work, it was a bit like the United Nations (their Christmas cook-in was they'd take over the site kitchen and each bring/cook something...you could eat your way round the globe). One young woman was the far east and you didn't sit next to her at a meal - now I know why some Chinese restaurants have several table cloths and peel one away each course. Food debris everywhere! I assume she cooked like that too.
Doubt is not a pleasant condition.
But certainty is an absurd one.
Voltaire
Thank you scud and mussels for taking the time to reply to my rant.
The teen gets £2k per month spending money plus unlimited text/data every effing thing on her phone.
Since covid kicked in she only goes back home once a year. Taxi from Harrogate to Heathrow. 1st class flight Heathrow to shanghai.
The college has arranged a ski holiday for pupils next year to Italy. £4K. Plus flights. Pupils can choose to fly economy / business or 1st class. Guess which class the teen is flying.
Anyway, the rant is over and thanks for listening. I feel better now. I think
Wscad wrote: ↑Mon Oct 24, 2022 1:45 pm
Thank you scud and mussels for taking the time to reply to my rant.
The teen gets £2k per month spending money plus unlimited text/data every effing thing on her phone.
Since covid kicked in she only goes back home once a year. Taxi from Harrogate to Heathrow. 1st class flight Heathrow to shanghai.
The college has arranged a ski holiday for pupils next year to Italy. £4K. Plus flights. Pupils can choose to fly economy / business or 1st class. Guess which class the teen is flying.
Anyway, the rant is over and thanks for listening. I feel better now. I think
I’m guessing an early life of no consequences and being waited on/cleaned up after is starting to show it’s inevitable results.
Just smile sweetly and carry on with your own thing, she’ll be back to school soon enough.
Wscad wrote: ↑Mon Oct 24, 2022 12:09 pm
So teen gets into a bikini, fills the bath full of water, jumps and is fully submerged , eyes wide open holding a effing sunflower, wife takes around a 100 pics.
Kids today, regardless of, pretty much, where they live or are from appear to exist in a virtual world, where the likes of you and I are but mere shadows. We don't figure in their minds other than when there's a genuine issue, as opposed to the 24/7 pseudo drama they create for themselves.
Simply put, to attempt to rationalise or apply logic to their behaviour is guaranteed to end up with you effing, all the effing time.
As has been suggested, make some simple, but fair rules and then try to ignore them until the rules are broken or they wake up and engage. It's an iterative process.
A good, but sadly departed, friend of mine actually managed to get a win/win agreement set up with his eldest and very wayward daughter. She admitted years later that she was unhappy and was punishing her parents for failing to understand her.
There is some more stuff that’s gone on with teen but I need to fill you all in with the background story first. Here we go.
The rear garden is mainly pebbles, log store, shed, greenhouse. Then there is a wall, then a bridle way, horses go up and down, folk walk dogs and go into the woods.
The front garden has a lawn, hedge, border bit with various flowers including forget me knots.
Opposite our house lives a women who is a special needs teacher who works at the village primary school. Walks her dog up and down the bridleway and we have a chat from time to time.
Going back to March 2020, schools shutdown, boarders back to their guardian. Ok, no big deal.
After 3 or 4 days 30 pebbles appear on the wall near the bridle way. They have been painted black. They are 50mm apart and in a straight line.
I thought it was kids effing about and thought nothing of it. (I use effing instead of fucking cos I think it’s more polite)
3 or 4 days later, all 30 pebbles are gone. 1 week after that they are back. 50mm apart and in a straight line. This time however each and every pebble has a forget me knot painted on them.
I showed them to the special needs teacher. She took one look at them and guess what she said.
Happiness can come from many different things, it's a relative concept.
Happiness can certainly come from material things just as it can come from ideas and achievements. All you need is a change from being unhappy. Many different things can bring that about.
Wscad wrote: ↑Tue Oct 25, 2022 9:35 am
3 or 4 days later, all 30 pebbles are gone. 1 week after that they are back. 50mm apart and in a straight line. This time however each and every pebble has a forget me knot painted on them.
I showed them to the special needs teacher. She took one look at them and guess what she said.
Turner Prize winning art installation?
Doubt is not a pleasant condition.
But certainty is an absurd one.
Voltaire
Yambo wrote: ↑Tue Oct 25, 2022 10:04 am
Happiness can come from many different things, it's a relative concept.
Happiness can certainly come from material things just as it can come from ideas and achievements. All you need is a change from being unhappy. Many different things can bring that about.
Perhaps a better word then would be contentment or fulfilment?
IME lasting contentment doesn't come from material things because you just move on to the next shiny thing, it comes from feeling like you're achieving some degree of success in whatever you put your mind to, even if it's just tidying up the house or digging the garden, you have to go to bed feeling like you got something done.
I reckon this is spot on, I spend all day in my office and whilst it earns money it’s not exactly satisfying. In our yard there’s a company that builds overland campers. They are doing an ex military unimog and it’s looking great, they had some issues with the wiring so I went over for a couple of hours with my multimeter and sorted it out. I was happier that day and felt I’d achieved something.
they'd take over the site kitchen and each bring/cook something...you could eat your way round the globe). One young woman was the far east and you didn't sit next to her at a meal - now I know why some Chinese restaurants have several table cloths and peel one away each course. Food debris everywhere! I assume she cooked like that too.
