This time next year, President Trump moves back into the Whitehouse...

[irie]

Some daft fucker just torched themselves outside the Trump trial courthouse.

Roasted nuts anyone?

[ZRX61]

In other news, Biden now claiming his uncle was "eaten by cannibals"

[Yorick]

In other news, Biden now claiming his uncle was "eaten by cannibals"

Did they eat his hamster as well?

[Yambo]

So this pillock threw leaflets all over the place before he lit off.... in front of the worlds press... & NOT ONE of them has any idea what the leaflets said...

uh huh...

They said "Please bring a fire extinguisher to the courthouse."

[irie]

So this pillock threw leaflets all over the place before he lit off.... in front of the worlds press... & NOT ONE of them has any idea what the leaflets said...

uh huh...

They said "Please bring a fire extinguisher to the courthouse."

They actually said " Please bring beer".

[ZRX61]

IMAGINE BEING THE US AMBASSADOR TO NEW GUINEA RIGHT NOW...
To Sir Bob Dadae, Governor General of Paua New Guinea
From {name witheld} US Ambassador to Papua New Guinea
Your Excellency,
Please accept this letter as my nation's formal apology for the unfortunate statement accidentally misspoken three times (over a relentless 6-hour period) this week by President Joseph Robinette Biden. It was merely a misunderstanding that the president deeply and profoundly regrets.
He has a stutter, you know?
When President Biden said his Uncle was shot down and crashed in New Guinea during World War 2 and that his body was never recovered, he did not mean to imply that he had been eaten by residents of your beautiful island nation. Of course, President Biden's gratuitous mention that "there used to be a lot of cannibals in that part of New Guinea" was just a further manifestation of his chronic stutter and was in no way meant to imply that his dear uncle was devoured by your great grandfather.
It will comfort you to know that the insinuation (brought on by his stutter) that his uncle fell victim to New Guinea cannibals was just the least of President Biden's er... misstatements in re-telling the tale of poor, unfortunate Uncle Bosie.
If you will permit me...
"And when D-Day occurred, the next day, on Monday, all four of my mother’s brothers went down and volunteered to join the military. And four of them — three of them made it. One was 4-F — couldn’t go."
We think that, perhaps, President Biden was referring to the attack on Pearl Harbor, not the D-Day invasion of Normandy. It not make any sense that his four uncles would wait until the June 1944 invasion to enlist.
And, considering Uncle Bosie's plane went down one month before the Normandy invasion, it's logical to assume that his chronic stutter made him say "D-Day" instead of "Pearl Harbor Day."
"And Ambrose Finnegan — we called him “Uncle Bosie” — he — he was shot down."
It turns out the plane carrying the president's brother was "forced to ditch" due to apparent engine failure, it was not shot down.
"He was Army Air Corps before there was an Air Force. He flew single-engine planes, reconnaissance flights over New Guinea. He had volunteered because someone couldn’t make it."
By all accounts, the mission was not a reconnaissance mission but, rather, a courier mission.
"He got shot down in an area where there were a lot of cannibals in New Guinea at the time. They never recovered his body."
Again... the plane was not shot down. And, to make matters even more uncomfortable for all of us, the plane was ditched in the Pacific, not on the island of New Guinea. So, even if there were "a lot of cannibals in New Guinea at the time" they wouldn't have had the opportunity to roast and devour the president's uncle unless they did some pretty impressive swimming.
So, to sum up: The president's uncle did not enlist after D-day, he was not on a reconnaissance mission, he was not shot down, he did not crash on the island of New Guinea and he was most certainly not eaten by cannibals.
Other than that, the story was completely accurate and any misstatements that may have confused you or the good people of New Guinea should be completely blamed on the president's chronic, persistent, and damnable stutter.
I hope this clears up any confusion or consternation the fine people of Papua New Guinea may be experiencing at this delicate time. Please, rest assured, the president does not, I repeat does not believe his uncle was eaten by your island's greatest generation.
In fact, President Biden doesn't even remember what he said earlier this week. To him, it is literally as if it had never happened. He has no memory of it whatsoever.
With Sincerest Regards,
{name witheld}
US Ambassador to Papua New Guinea (for now)
PS: For verification of all these facts regarding MIA 2d Lt. Amrose J. Finnegan, please refer to this official record: dpaa-mil.sites.crmforce.mil/dpaaProfile?id…

[Mr Moofo]

IMAGINE BEING THE US AMBASSADOR TO NEW GUINEA RIGHT NOW...
To Sir Bob Dadae, Governor General of Paua New Guinea
From {name witheld} US Ambassador to Papua New Guinea
Your Excellency,
Please accept this letter as my nation's formal apology for the unfortunate statement accidentally misspoken three times (over a relentless 6-hour period) this week by President Joseph Robinette Biden. It was merely a misunderstanding that the president deeply and profoundly regrets.
He has a stutter, you know?
When President Biden said his Uncle was shot down and crashed in New Guinea during World War 2 and that his body was never recovered, he did not mean to imply that he had been eaten by residents of your beautiful island nation. Of course, President Biden's gratuitous mention that "there used to be a lot of cannibals in that part of New Guinea" was just a further manifestation of his chronic stutter and was in no way meant to imply that his dear uncle was devoured by your great grandfather.
It will comfort you to know that the insinuation (brought on by his stutter) that his uncle fell victim to New Guinea cannibals was just the least of President Biden's er... misstatements in re-telling the tale of poor, unfortunate Uncle Bosie.
If you will permit me...
"And when D-Day occurred, the next day, on Monday, all four of my mother’s brothers went down and volunteered to join the military. And four of them — three of them made it. One was 4-F — couldn’t go."
We think that, perhaps, President Biden was referring to the attack on Pearl Harbor, not the D-Day invasion of Normandy. It not make any sense that his four uncles would wait until the June 1944 invasion to enlist.
And, considering Uncle Bosie's plane went down one month before the Normandy invasion, it's logical to assume that his chronic stutter made him say "D-Day" instead of "Pearl Harbor Day."
"And Ambrose Finnegan — we called him “Uncle Bosie” — he — he was shot down."
It turns out the plane carrying the president's brother was "forced to ditch" due to apparent engine failure, it was not shot down.
"He was Army Air Corps before there was an Air Force. He flew single-engine planes, reconnaissance flights over New Guinea. He had volunteered because someone couldn’t make it."
By all accounts, the mission was not a reconnaissance mission but, rather, a courier mission.
"He got shot down in an area where there were a lot of cannibals in New Guinea at the time. They never recovered his body."
Again... the plane was not shot down. And, to make matters even more uncomfortable for all of us, the plane was ditched in the Pacific, not on the island of New Guinea. So, even if there were "a lot of cannibals in New Guinea at the time" they wouldn't have had the opportunity to roast and devour the president's uncle unless they did some pretty impressive swimming.
So, to sum up: The president's uncle did not enlist after D-day, he was not on a reconnaissance mission, he was not shot down, he did not crash on the island of New Guinea and he was most certainly not eaten by cannibals.
Other than that, the story was completely accurate and any misstatements that may have confused you or the good people of New Guinea should be completely blamed on the president's chronic, persistent, and damnable stutter.
I hope this clears up any confusion or consternation the fine people of Papua New Guinea may be experiencing at this delicate time. Please, rest assured, the president does not, I repeat does not believe his uncle was eaten by your island's greatest generation.
In fact, President Biden doesn't even remember what he said earlier this week. To him, it is literally as if it had never happened. He has no memory of it whatsoever.
With Sincerest Regards,
{name witheld}
US Ambassador to Papua New Guinea (for now)
PS: For verification of all these facts regarding MIA 2d Lt. Amrose J. Finnegan, please refer to this official record: dpaa-mil.sites.crmforce.mil/dpaaProfile?id…

He does have the ability to be a right wanker

[Buckaroo]

And a left too. Ambidextrous wanker to boot.

[ZRX61]

The author also missed that claim that the "day after D Day" was a Monday... June 7th '44 was a Wednesday.

[Mr Moofo]

The author also missed that claim that the "day after D Day" was a Monday... June 7th '44 was a Wednesday.

To be fair, most current era living and breathing* Americans wouldn't know what country the D Day landing were in. Let alone point to it on a map.

*altered for Irie's needs

[irie]

The author also missed that claim that the "day after D Day" was a Monday... June 7th '44 was a Wednesday.

To be fair, most current Americans wouldn't know what country the D Day landing were in. Let alone point to it on a map.

Absolutely no 'non-current' Americans could.

[Count Steer]

The author also missed that claim that the "day after D Day" was a Monday... June 7th '44 was a Wednesday.

To be fair, most current Americans wouldn't know what country the D Day landing were in. Let alone point to it on a map.

Absolutely no 'non-current' Americans could.

Some 'non-current' Americans would/could (have done). Some of them were there!

[Mr Moofo]

To be fair, most current Americans wouldn't know what country the D Day landing were in. Let alone point to it on a map.

Absolutely no 'non-current' Americans could.

Some 'non-current' Americans would/could (have done). Some of them were there!

May still have not known what country it was...
My many trips to the US enlightened me to just how bad their knowledge of geography and world issues is

[irie]

To be fair, most current Americans wouldn't know what country the D Day landing were in. Let alone point to it on a map.

Absolutely no 'non-current' Americans could.

Some 'non-current' Americans would/could (have done). Some of them were there!

Not like you to miss the play on words.

Oh.

[Saga Lout]

The author also missed that claim that the "day after D Day" was a Monday... June 7th '44 was a Wednesday.

To be fair, most current Americans wouldn't know what country the D Day landing were in. Let alone point to it on a map.

Absolutely no 'non-current' Americans could.

Everyone has the right to a nationality. No one shall be arbitrarily deprived of his nationality nor denied the right to change his nationality.

(My emphasis)

I think maybe some non-current Americans could. (Seeing as we're being pedantic.)

[irie]

To be fair, most current Americans wouldn't know what country the D Day landing were in. Let alone point to it on a map.

Absolutely no 'non-current' Americans could.

Everyone has the right to a nationality. No one shall be arbitrarily deprived of his nationality nor denied the right to change his nationality.

(My emphasis)

I think maybe some non-current Americans could. (Seeing as we're being pedantic.)

Not like you to miss the play on words.

Oh.

[DefTrap]

The author also missed that claim that the "day after D Day" was a Monday... June 7th '44 was a Wednesday.

It would have been funny if he'd led with that. "US President misremembers the day of the week of the day after D Day". Headline news.

Presumably the same author produced some similarly forensic commentary when Trump suggested bleaching Covid away? Other than the standard "He was misquoted! Fake news!" baloney, despite us all watching the words literally coming out of his mouth at a news conference.

[ZRX61]

The author also missed that claim that the "day after D Day" was a Monday... June 7th '44 was a Wednesday.

It would have been funny if he'd led with that. "US President misremembers the day of the week of the day after D Day". Headline news.

Presumably the same author produced some similarly forensic commentary when Trump suggested bleaching Covid away? Other than the standard "He was misquoted! Fake news!" baloney, despite us all watching the words literally coming out of his mouth at a news conference.

You mean the speech where Trump suggested *something that worked like bleach*? That was what was aired here.

[Count Steer]

To be fair, most current Americans wouldn't know what country the D Day landing were in. Let alone point to it on a map.

Absolutely no 'non-current' Americans could.

Everyone has the right to a nationality. No one shall be arbitrarily deprived of his nationality nor denied the right to change his nationality.

(My emphasis)

I think maybe some non-current Americans could. (Seeing as we're being pedantic.)

[ZRX61]

Biden's latest gaffe had him saying "we can't trusted"

At least he admits it...