Insignificant/ Significant things that BYP or just wind you up a little

[Cousin Jack]

Mrs M is having a "tidy up".

Now I have a narrow shelf in one kitchen cupboard that has my multimeter and a small tool bag in. Said tool bag contains random emergency DIY shit, like a adjustable spanner, molegrips, pliers, electrical tape, small file, side cutters etc, all the random bits you need to quickly deal with DIY issues around the house without having to delve into a shed to find something, as well as all those "it'll only take you 5 minutes" jobs that I hate been given.

Mrs M has opened it up and is wondering very loudly if I need ALL of these doodads in MY toolbag. Its a fixed shape, taking them out won't make it any smaller!

Fortunately the "new patio" kit is in one of the sheds.

Time to stamp your foot or hand in your man card.

Mrs CJ can be very demanding, but she knows better than to poke around in my toolbag.

[mangocrazy]

Mrs M is having a "tidy up".

Now I have a narrow shelf in one kitchen cupboard that has my multimeter and a small tool bag in. Said tool bag contains random emergency DIY shit, like a adjustable spanner, molegrips, pliers, electrical tape, small file, side cutters etc, all the random bits you need to quickly deal with DIY issues around the house without having to delve into a shed to find something, as well as all those "it'll only take you 5 minutes" jobs that I hate been given.

Mrs M has opened it up and is wondering very loudly if I need ALL of these doodads in MY toolbag. Its a fixed shape, taking them out won't make it any smaller!

Fortunately the "new patio" kit is in one of the sheds.

Our house is somewhat akin to the Russia/Ukraine border - it's flexible as in who controls certain border areas. My (vigorously defended) heartlands are the cellar and the shed (which shouldn't really count as it's not part of the house). I control most of the attic, but I've long since ceded control of the bedroom and bathroom. The living room is something of a front line as we tend to dump stuff there that doesn't fit anywhere else. The kitchen is a battlefield...

[MrLongbeard]

That someone thought it necessary to censor photographs of Sindy to sell on facebook

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[Rockburner]

That someone thought it necessary to censor photographs of Sindy to sell on facebook

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There's more than one pervert for every kink...

[Mussels]

I got a text today offering me mental health support as a victim of crime.
I'm not a victim and I didn't ask to be registered as a victim. I'm just a convenient stat for the police to say 'look how good we are compared to last year', they don't give a toss about what a victim wants if it isn't the same as they want.

Target led policing, corrupting a force near you soon.

[Felix]

I got a text today offering me mental health support as a victim of crime.
I'm not a victim and I didn't ask to be registered as a victim. I'm just a convenient stat for the police to say 'look how good we are compared to last year', they don't give a toss about what a victim wants if it isn't the same as they want.

Target led policing, corrupting a force near you soon.

I got offered that at the tail end of last year from the Criminal Injury Board as well as 1800 quid. Took the money and ran

[Rockburner]

I got a text today offering me mental health support as a victim of crime.
I'm not a victim and I didn't ask to be registered as a victim. I'm just a convenient stat for the police to say 'look how good we are compared to last year', they don't give a toss about what a victim wants if it isn't the same as they want.

Target led policing, corrupting a force near you soon.

I'm assuming this only happens at the end of a successful prosecution?

[Mussels]

I got a text today offering me mental health support as a victim of crime.
I'm not a victim and I didn't ask to be registered as a victim. I'm just a convenient stat for the police to say 'look how good we are compared to last year', they don't give a toss about what a victim wants if it isn't the same as they want.

Target led policing, corrupting a force near you soon.

I'm assuming this only happens at the end of a successful prosecution?

Nope, no prosecution, no charges and thankfully no arrest.
A child had a strop and threw a jar of food on the floor, the police labelled this criminal damage and I'm the victim as it was my jar.

[Rockburner]

I got a text today offering me mental health support as a victim of crime.
I'm not a victim and I didn't ask to be registered as a victim. I'm just a convenient stat for the police to say 'look how good we are compared to last year', they don't give a toss about what a victim wants if it isn't the same as they want.

Target led policing, corrupting a force near you soon.

I'm assuming this only happens at the end of a successful prosecution?

Nope, no prosecution, no charges and thankfully no arrest.
A child had a strop and threw a jar of food on the floor, the police labelled this criminal damage and I'm the victim as it was my jar.

[Skub]

Nope, no prosecution, no charges and thankfully no arrest.
A child had a strop and threw a jar of food on the floor, the police labelled this criminal damage and I'm the victim as it was my jar.

[Yambo]

Nope, no prosecution, no charges and thankfully no arrest.
A child had a strop and threw a jar of food on the floor, the police labelled this criminal damage and I'm the victim as it was my jar.

If you were in a shop I'd say it wasn't your jar unless you were the shop owner . . .

[Noggin]

I got a text today offering me mental health support as a victim of crime.
I'm not a victim and I didn't ask to be registered as a victim. I'm just a convenient stat for the police to say 'look how good we are compared to last year', they don't give a toss about what a victim wants if it isn't the same as they want.

Target led policing, corrupting a force near you soon.

I'm assuming this only happens at the end of a successful prosecution?

Nope, no prosecution, no charges and thankfully no arrest.
A child had a strop and threw a jar of food on the floor, the police labelled this criminal damage and I'm the victim as it was my jar.

Please write more!! I mean, a child having a strop and becoming criminal damage? I guess it wasn't a very small child??

[Greenman]

I got a text today offering me mental health support as a victim of crime.
I'm not a victim and I didn't ask to be registered as a victim. I'm just a convenient stat for the police to say 'look how good we are compared to last year', they don't give a toss about what a victim wants if it isn't the same as they want.

Target led policing, corrupting a force near you soon.

I'm assuming this only happens at the end of a successful prosecution?

Nope, no prosecution, no charges and thankfully no arrest.
A child had a strop and threw a jar of food on the floor, the police labelled this criminal damage and I'm the victim as it was my jar.

That's it, i'm arming myself with a jar of red onion chutney tomorrow and am going to ask a year 6 pupil to throw it on the floor, could do with £1800...

[McNab]

I got a text today offering me mental health support as a victim of crime.
I'm not a victim and I didn't ask to be registered as a victim. I'm just a convenient stat for the police to say 'look how good we are compared to last year', they don't give a toss about what a victim wants if it isn't the same as they want.

Target led policing, corrupting a force near you soon.

I'm assuming this only happens at the end of a successful prosecution?

Nope, no prosecution, no charges and thankfully no arrest.
A child had a strop and threw a jar of food on the floor, the police labelled this criminal damage and I'm the victim as it was my jar.

I do think you were a bit over the top call the cops on your daughter like that.

[Mussels]

I won't go into too much detail as it's not all about me, I didn't call them and that's all there was to it. They wanted to log a crime and did so, the PC had to call his inspector to ask permission not to make an arrest as the force has a compulsory arrest policy. They really are pathetic.
One day this will be really funny for me as well but for now I have to live near these twats.

[Horse]

the force has a compulsory arrest policy. They really are pathetic.

Yet they get criticised for being soft. Can't win.

[Wossname]

the force has a compulsory arrest policy. They really are pathetic.

Yet they get criticised for being soft. Can't win.

They could win if they used their brains.

[Greenman]

I won't go into too much detail as it's not all about me, I didn't call them and that's all there was to it. They wanted to log a crime and did so, the PC had to call his inspector to ask permission not to make an arrest as the force has a compulsory arrest policy. They really are pathetic.
One day this will be really funny for me as well but for now I have to live near these twats.

Do you live close to a police station then?

[Mussels]

I won't go into too much detail as it's not all about me, I didn't call them and that's all there was to it. They wanted to log a crime and did so, the PC had to call his inspector to ask permission not to make an arrest as the force has a compulsory arrest policy. They really are pathetic.
One day this will be really funny for me as well but for now I have to live near these twats.

Do you live close to a police station then?

The district, not all forces have the same policy. They are like bed bugs, you know they are always nearby and just hope you can avoid them.

[Mussels]

the force has a compulsory arrest policy. They really are pathetic.

Yet they get criticised for being soft. Can't win.

Forcing police officers to ask permission to act lawfully will encourage them to act unlawfully, this is just to drive up crime numbers and not the slightest bit of help to the public.