Taipan wrote: Fri Dec 01, 2023 5:53 pm
Potter wrote: Fri Dec 01, 2023 12:30 pm
There is an interview somewhere with Jordan Peterson (who I don't usually like) but he's talking to someone who has everything they've ever wanted, great career, great place to live, money, etc, but no kids or much family around them and he points out to them that they've sacrificed having a family so they could have all the other stuff and it's a bad mistake to make, they'll spend their elder years without the blessing of grandkids or family, etc.
My old mate had a lot more stuff than anyone else i knew. He'd done really well out of being a self taught builder! 3 or 4 holidays each year. New truck. New Car. Lovely house etc blah. But they didn't have kids and often joked they had nothing else to spend their money on. Pissed up one night, fighting back tears, he said to me they'd give everything up to be able to have kids. I always thought it was a choice, not because they couldn't have kids, nor did I know, the pain behind the smiles.
I was very much worse in the emotional stakes when i realised I physically couldn't have kids any more. There was always hope before. But, I've got family and friends that tried and failed - almost no one admits that they are sad that they can't have them because that's not what other people want to hear
Now, I'm ok with it because I did always want to foster more than get pregnant, so I am still hoping I might be able to foster, one day

But it's no longer the be all and end all of life for me
Yambo wrote: Fri Dec 01, 2023 6:52 pm
The family thing isn't necessarily always rosy though is it. You come into the world with parents, maybe brothers an sisters and a few years on you may produce your own family. But there's no guarantee that your parents and siblings are going to turn out to be wonderful human beings or that your own children are going to be perfect, cloned copies of you, the perfect parent.
Shit 'appens and it's quite possible that you don't/didn't like your parents and your siblings are, to you, obnoxious. Of course, to your parents and siblings you may be the obnoxious one . . .
You can't choose your family and they didn't 'choose' you and whilst it may well be wonderful to be an all lovey dovey family unit I'd suggest that the norm is somewhat different. You can try your best and work as hard as you like but your family may well not be as great as those you see on the TV or in the movies.
You may just be a lousy scriptwriter so just accept what you've got - it may be considerably better than 'family'.
Oh believe me, I am very very aware of that. Very very aware. I didn't speak to one of my parents for five years because any conversation was horrible and it ended up being kinder (for me anyway) not to. We are back in touch but I work hard to make sure that conversations don't go downhill, and have learned not to react to things that I would have in the past. Maybe they are doing the same.
Apart from that, I think I come from one of the most dysfunctional families I've ever met - but then we rarely find out how functional or not other peoples families are.
It does make me sad to see history repeating itself through three generations but also can see how easy that is. So, in some ways, maybe it's a good thing I haven't, I could have just created yet another generation of fucked up kids! I hope I wouldn't have, but there are no guarantees (and boths sides of my family were pretty FUBAR).
And if I foster and am shit at it, I can stop offering to foster. Hopefully someone will tell me I'm shit if that is the case!! If so, I'll get a LOT of cats and more bikes
