Depression

[Couchy]

Spoke to a counsellor the other day about some stuff. If anyone was considering doing but wasn't sure, or couldn't work out how to,.or work up the courage to, or anything like that - its fine.
I was a bit apprehensive, but clearly this is their job and there's no judgement, they make you feel completely at ease and will find out if they can help you or not.
Absolutely worth doing if you think it might help.
J

Tbh aye good to hear mate, I tried counselling and it didn’t really work for me, however I found a psychotherapist which does work for me, I was massively cynical at first but now I’ve realised how good they are. This works for me as any understanding ir decisions made are done by me. We’re all different and what I’m trying to say is if one method doesn’t work there are plenty of other options out there that may seem bollox or make you uncomfy but there will be something for everyone

[Noggin]

It's not just the therapy, it the person you interact with. I tried a few types in the uk and nothing really worked. Obviously, out here the language caused me to not make attempts.

But in the first rehab place, the psychologist there was awesome (and spoke enough english that we could do the sessions in english!). Helped me so very much. Really wish I could have continued to see her, definitely at the moment.

In the second place, I didn't connect well with the psychologist there and the constant going over the stuff I'd dealt with with the first pissed me off - AND having to do it in French, much more difficult if at all stressed or upset!!

I suppose I'm trying to say, doing dismiss the type of therapy due to one therapist - if I'd seen the second therapist the first time, I'd never had tried again or had any positive results! At least now i've worked out that it's a balance of the human connection and the way they work, not just the type of therapy

Glad you've both found someone/something that helps xx

[Dodgy69]

I may of said it before, but when I get home from a 2/3 hr bimble on a slow motorbike and a beer garden, I feel so much better on my return. Definitely picks me up a bit.

[Noggin]

I may of said it before, but when I get home from a 2/3 hr bimble on a slow motorbike and a beer garden, I feel so much better on my return. Definitely picks me up a bit.

One of the main reasons I've struggled so much mentally in the last 6 and a bit years has been not being able to ride. I mean, I could a little bit, but the trade off was quite a lot of pain. And I couldn't ride how I used to. Having that bastard Monster sitting nearby, even when it wasn't a runner, was the thread that kind of kept me hanging on .

Ok, she's not the most comfortable bike for me to ride. I can't say my shoulder hurts because there isn't anything in there to hurt now, but the muscles that do all the jobs the ligaments used to DO hurt. Just not as much as before!

I was lucky to have positive physical therapists around me (even if most people I knew up here didn't get my NEED to get back on a bike ) and I could hang on to the belief that I would be able to ride.

Even when my shoulder was in bits, the one big goal was - riding a bike again! Some doctors don't approve, but all the therapists (and even the surgeon!) understand, accept and have helped me get there.

The downside for me is that I am very aware that if I fuck up this shoulder, there really aren't many options, so I may have no choice but to go LHD on a bike

But, riding a bike feels like the final piece for me. Without it I'm not whole. I could manage not to do it through various recoveries. But when physically able I stressed that I couldn't ride for other reasons.

It really is a big part of the mental jigsaw for me. If I can ride in the summer and ski in the winter that goes a long way to keeping me mentally stable and mostly happy. Still got other stuff going on, but even just that 40 mins down to the valley and 40 mins home really really helps mentally!!!

[Couchy]

Riding a mtb gives me a natural high, exercise and fresh air are great for well being. Throw in some adrenalin too and it’s win win.
I’ll be needing it a lot over coming weeks/months as I’m in my own house now having left the family home and sorting the separation out, not where I thought I’d be at this age but not much I can do.

[Noggin]

During covid and the aftermath I put weight on and I was having a tough time mentally, I had a couple of health issues but also stress and worry was off the scale. It creeps up on you and I saw a picture of me at my desk and I looked fat and ill, so I knew something had to change.

I've lost the weight now and I'm back at 70kgs and 30" waist. I'm also running regularly and I do two good weights workouts every week in the gym.

The weight and fitness is massive in terms of mental wellbeing for me, I can still feel the pressures, I haven't really got less pressure pushing on me from external issues, but I feel massively better in myself, so it's going some way to balance it all out.

It's not a miracle cure, but exercise, weight and fitness are incredibly powerful tools to help mental health.

I'm so aware of the exercise pluses (I don't run, but even just walking helps me) but very much lack the ability to drag myself out and actually go when I'm feeling rubbish. I don't generally comfort eat anymore, but I do need to find a way to actually get myself out there when I don't feel like it.

I've learnt quite well over the years how to deal with and stop some of my 'reactions', but often doing something positive is the most difficult - even cleaning/tidying suffers when I'm on a downer and I know so well how much better I feel when that's done, but even knowing that, I still struggle to actually do it

If anyone has any guides, apart from JFDI or "pull yourself together dear" (the latter being my mother's standard line!), then I would appreciate anything to get my brain thinking differently!! I do know I have to actually do it myself, but need to retrain the brain to stop being a fuckwit!!

[MyLittleStudPony]

I believe exercise is a benefit to some of the people some of the time in terms of mental health.

I'm not saying it'll ever do harm but it may not also be a silver bullet for everyone.

Do what you can and don't beat yourself up for what you don't do.


FWIW and it's anecdotal, I do do quite a lot myself and I find it helps me. What made this possible was finding a sport / activity I really enjoyed. I used to run but starting and doing each run was a battle for me and I never really enjoyed it.

[Demannu]

Well we broke my mate out of the care home this morning.
Got him home and obviously the whiff of eau de poo was swirling around a bit. Once we got him on the bed, the full horror unfolded!
I've been a psychiatric nurse, so shitty arses hold no fear for me, but it honestly looked like they had turned his pad around 180 rather than changing it, it was astonishing.
He had chronic nappy rash and the beginning of a sore. Just a complete lack of care from the home.
I don't envy the task ahead for his wife, I honestly think he would have been better off quietly slipping away rather than the man child he has become!
Just venting!

[Demannu]

I'm not saying it'll ever do harm but it may not also be a silver bullet for everyone.

I've read studies that suggest that people who had a BMI over 25 had a much greater risk of developing depression than people who didn’t.
https://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/20194822/

I've read studies that BMI is a completely flawed way of measuring body fat/health.
I'm clinically obese with a body fat of 17% and a 32" waist

[tricol]

I've never found exercise to do much good for me. I've turned home from heading out several times, even though I've made the effort to get ready and plan a route. And then if I'm riding badly, I get worse and after the ride I'm on a real downer. I'm sure there's some analysis to be done there. There's just this complete and utter lack of desire to live really. I manage the basics fairly well. I've been on my own these last two days, so getting up early taking the dog out, keeping the house tidy, but just about scraping by with work. It's a trap of a job.

My diet is brutal. I'm sure I'm 30st inside. I know it doesn't help, and in fact I think I might have a little bit of an eating disorder. Eating when not hungry, feeling sick after, and subsequently feeling worse.

[Demannu]

I've read studies that BMI is a completely flawed way of measuring body fat/health.
I'm clinically obese with a body fat of 17% and a 32" waist

Yeah it's not perfect, it's a very simple formula that doesn't take composition into account, but it's a reasonable guide because most people do fit into the bell curve to make it a roughly accurate indication.

I believe the phrase you're deliberately avoiding is sweeping generalisation.

[Noggin]

I'm not saying it'll ever do harm but it may not also be a silver bullet for everyone.

I've read studies that suggest that people who had a BMI over 25 had a much greater risk of developing depression than people who didn’t.
https://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/20194822/

I've read studies that BMI is a completely flawed way of measuring body fat/health.
I'm clinically obese with a body fat of 17% and a 32" waist

I've suffered from depression since I was a kid (I can remember the feeling at about 13) and I 100% was not in a high BMI then, nor fat!!

My BMI got me onto the list for the covid vaccine early, well, added to being 50. However, despite the BMI, I have a far better recovery rate than most fit people I know & my cholesterol has gone from low to normal due to menopause (despite being fitter and lighter than 3 years ago!)

Recovery rate after sport was always held out to me as a measure of fitness and cholesterol as a measure of health. So I'm ok with my BMI saying I'm a fat bastard cos actually I'm not unfit and am shapely more than fat!! But it's tough sometimes when people think BMI is worth using. Most muscular sportsmen (not sure about women) would show as obese based on BMI!!

[Noggin]

I believe exercise is a benefit to some of the people some of the time in terms of mental health.

I'm not saying it'll ever do harm but it may not also be a silver bullet for everyone.

Do what you can and don't beat yourself up for what you don't do.


FWIW and it's anecdotal, I do do quite a lot myself and I find it helps me. What made this possible was finding a sport / activity I really enjoyed. I used to run but starting and doing each run was a battle for me and I never really enjoyed it.

Thing is that for me I 100% KNOW that going for a walk definitely helps. But generally it's hard to actually do it

[Count Steer]

This all prompted me to look at the manual for some fancy bathroom scales I bought 10 years ago and they measure: weight, body fat% and body H2O% and calculate BMI (you have to load in your sex, height and age).

That combination is a little more useful than just BMI. None of it is much use if depression removes the motivation to do anything about it and may well add to the problem - but it might just be the trigger that does push people to do something. Different strokes for different folks etc.

[MyLittleStudPony]

Another good one (IMO) from my favourite Malaysian / Singaporean short content provider.

Not so much about depression but about approaches to talk to people who feel down.

https://thewokesalaryman.com/2023/10/06 ... -cheer-up/

This is key to their message, but the whole thing is worth a look IMO.

H2WSM.JPG (56.93 KiB) Viewed 518 times

[mboy]

Sometimes people need a cuddle, sometimes they need a safe space, but sometimes they need some fairly blunt truths pushed right under their nose, and sometimes they need an Alex Ferguson football boot in the face.

The problem comes, as I have sadly recently found out, when those who you have come to trust and rely on the most over the years don't have the emotional intelligence to understand the requirement for a cuddle, rather than the usual blunt truths or the boot in the face!

Long story... But my best mate of 30yrs has recently shown a true lack of empathy towards me and the fact I've been suffering with cancer and repeated surgeries and suffering to do with it, and right now I just want to punch the self absorbed c*** in the face!

[Cousin Jack]

Approaches to people who need motivation need different tactics. Years ago when I worked for probation you really needed a mixed bag of skills. I’m not afraid to give a grown man a hug, or sit in an awkward silence, but treading softly isn’t the only approach you need.

Sometimes people need a cuddle, sometimes they need a safe space, but sometimes they need some fairly blunt truths pushed right under their nose, and sometimes they need an Alex Ferguson football boot in the face.

The problem is always in deciding which approach is needed - it is not always obvious. And sometimes people, with the best of intentions, get it wrong.

[Cousin Jack]

I expect little from this life, apart from the world to shit upon me from a great height when I am least expecting it. So far I have not been disappointed, particularly in the shit deposits.

I try not to be an arsehole to others, and to help them if I can, but I am often so busy trying to sort out my life that I don't even notice they need help, and when I occasionaly do notice, I often misread the cues as to what they need.

What I really, really don't understand is the modern feeling of 'entitlement'. I can understand the child of the Duke of Midshire, heir to the title and a zillion acres feeling quite happy with their lot, I would be quite ecstatic. But today so many young people feel 'entitled' to stuff for no good reason that I can detect. They must get very disappointed.

[Couchy]

I think I get what you're saying, I've come out of situations with mental scarring and I've been disappointed to find that no one else seems to get it.
Made worse I suppose because I've never made any real effort to try to help them understand.

I fall back on the universal truth that nature doesn't care, life will steamroller you into the ground and the world will keep turning, even if you don't get up tomorrow morning. No one really cares, I mean really, because they're also dealing with their own shit, so they've got limits on their capacity to lend you some of their emotion.

I have no solutions, except to not expect anything from anyone else and to plough your own field.
It's a lonely philosophy.

As I'm going through shit I do agree even though a lot of people try and help and it's much appreciated the only person that can do anything is yourself. Personally I'd call it a day tomorrow if I didn't have a daughter as I've seen and done everything I want, I've no desire to live and be alone so it would be fine by me. Hoping for her sake I don't convince myself she'll be ok but if I do it was meant to be and I'll have no regrets.

[Yorick]

I think I get what you're saying, I've come out of situations with mental scarring and I've been disappointed to find that no one else seems to get it.
Made worse I suppose because I've never made any real effort to try to help them understand.

I fall back on the universal truth that nature doesn't care, life will steamroller you into the ground and the world will keep turning, even if you don't get up tomorrow morning. No one really cares, I mean really, because they're also dealing with their own shit, so they've got limits on their capacity to lend you some of their emotion.

I have no solutions, except to not expect anything from anyone else and to plough your own field.
It's a lonely philosophy.

As I'm going through shit I do agree even though a lot of people try and help and it's much appreciated the only person that can do anything is yourself. Personally I'd call it a day tomorrow if I didn't have a daughter as I've seen and done everything I want, I've no desire to live and be alone so it would be fine by me. Hoping for her sake I don't convince myself she'll be ok but if I do it was meant to be and I'll have no regrets.

All I can say is, stick at it. Your mindset may improve.
You dealt with losing Grib. You'll deal with this.