Insignificant/ Significant things that BYP or just wind you up a little

[Mussels]

McDonalds is so much simpler.

[Cousin Jack]

McDonalds is so much nastier.

FTFY, the proverbial ground-up lips and arseholes are not really my thing, but you are very welcome.

[MrLongbeard]

Bastard Shell messing around with my direct debit

[demographic]

Artichokes who think that putting stupid little alcoves into shower walls (to store shower gel etc bottles) is a good idea.
It's not, it's a pain in the fucking arse, more corners means more areas prone to leaking through the tiles.
Also you need to size the alcove to the sizes of the tiles or it looks bloody stupid.
Stoppit.

[Taipan]

Very busy working from home and not much time to make lunch. So I thought I'll order a take way to be delivered! Free delivery for orders over £25 at most places but under that is a service fee c£2.50. A bagging free c£1, and a delivery fee of around £5-£6.

[Cousin Jack]

BT, or to be more specific, Openreach. Short version, more detail available on request

My broadband failed on Thursday morning. I reported it. A neighbour had a similar fault, so Thusday pm I reported this to BT and suggested that it was probably related and a network fault. They booked an internal bloke to come and look at my modem.

On Friday am I spoke with neighbour, her problem fixed by a bloke at the cabinet. Reported this to BT and after a long discussion they booked an external bloke to come on Monday am.

On Monday am appointed bloke turned up, tested line out, and it was OKish. After some discussion he set off for cabinet, and returned having found a problem. His fix didn't work, so he was on the phone to India, meanwhile apparently 9 more faults had appeared locally, all with the same symptoms. Much discussion with India and elsewhere, fault finally fixed. Apparently it was a network card gone down, like wot I suggested on Friday. By Monday it a so FUBARed that the semi-automatic process to lift and shift no longer worked, and it was manual all the way

Monday pm spent rebuilding my network and logging every bloody thing onto the new modem that they insisted on fitting.

[Felix]

SKY TV and BB. Say no more. I am seem to be the one to sort this shower of shits out for a few customers even though i say dont got to them. Hate Sky and BT with a passion. So glad i steal SKY TV.

[MingtheMerciless]

Bloody Covid! 2nd bout. Now stuck in a corner at work behind a screen being treated like a leper.

[JamJar]

Bloody Covid! 2nd bout. Now stuck in a corner at work behind a screen being treated like a leper.

Why are you at work?

[Bwana]

Artichokes who think that putting stupid little alcoves into shower walls (to store shower gel etc bottles) is a good idea.
It's not, it's a pain in the fucking arse, more corners means more areas prone to leaking through the tiles.
Also you need to size the alcove to the sizes of the tiles or it looks bloody stupid.
Stoppit.

A few years back when I ended up in the hospital for a few days I mustered up the courage to take a shower. The fucking shower was a goddam alcove. I think they built it that way so that if you fell down in the shower the only thing that would happen is that your knees and hips would slightly bend and you'd end up just wedged in while still standing. There wasn't enough room to be able to wash your feet.

[Bwana]

Bloody Covid! 2nd bout. Now stuck in a corner at work behind a screen being treated like a leper.

Why are you at work?

Plague sharing.

[gremlin]

Waking up to considerable amount of snow outside.

[weeksy]

Waking up to considerable amount of snow outside.

You got old !

[gremlin]

Waking up to considerable amount of snow outside.

You got old !

That ship sailed many years ago!

[Taipan]

Waking up to considerable amount of snow outside.

You got old !

That ship sailed many years ago!

Hold my beer...

[Noggin]

Probably getting done for proper speeding this morning

Totally my own fault. I know the camera is there and that the limit in the tunnel is 70kph

I got distracted. Was probably too tired to be driving anyway TBH, but I was driving to a course and had left resort at 5.45am - just before the tunnel I realised the was not much fuel in the minibus, so I was trying to find the bit of the display that gives an idea of how far the fuel will take me and then trying to work out the next possible quick pit stop point. As I realised I was doing 90kph, I also realised I had gone past the camera.

The only small hope I have is that I didn't see a flash. And that one is proper bright (probably cos its in a tunnel!!!) so I'm certain sure that I would have noticed the flash in the wing mirror. But I won't be sure for a few weeks

Stupid bloody woman!! Mind, at that speed, they'll do everything they can to help me exchange my licence

[Yorick]

We advertise our apartment ourselves and doing OK. But just had an email from some thicko.
If this is the standard of English, he's gonna scare clients away.

Hi craig im michael from ACM luxury state agent here in lanzarote . We are having a lot of demand this days , to rent this type of properties , if you would like us to give you a hand here we are .
You can have a look at our website
regards Michael

[Taipan]

We advertise our apartment ourselves and doing OK. But just had an email from some thicko.
If this is the standard of English, he's gonna scare clients away.

Hi craig im michael from ACM luxury state agent here in lanzarote . We are having a lot of demand this days , to rent this type of properties , if you would like us to give you a hand here we are .
You can have a look at our website
regards Michael

Is that not Spanglish though?

[Demannu]

Films where the 'twist' is so obvious, you wonder did the writer/director plan it as a joke, or were they actually serious!

Spoiler

The Samaritan

[Mussels]

Bitter NHS employees.
Our local private hospital has an MRI unit which is also used by the NHS, the nearest 2 NHS hospitals are a fairly long drive away. So when my wife got a call about an MRI in a distant hospital she asked if it could be done locally, the woman on the end of the phone said sharply "If you wanted to go private you should have told your GP".
I can only assume the horrible woman isn't considered important enough for private heath insurance and isn't clever enough to realise we weren't asking for private treatment.