Here too.
Also a floor which I could do with a hand restoring.
Guess I may as well open up a bit here, because of my childhood and the following loss of Gribmany years later and again many more years on I’m sat with my marriage all but over. My home my family it’s all going to change. This is all from childhood. Im going through psychotherapy to try and change me and how I react but it’s not going to stop my loss. Twice in the past few weeks I’ve done what you have and stood where I shouldn’t be before calling someone and asking for help. Problem is blokes our age were bought up by people who didn’t know any better, then for years it’s bit been right to talk and it takes us time and bravery to open up. I want to help but all I can do at the moment is say I know what you’re going through. Damn I wanna Jump on a plane and come see you mate. Message me if you want, I’m little use but I have to offer as people have been so kind to me. I’ve no idea where I’m going or what’s gonna happen but I can reply to a message.Yorick wrote: ↑Sat Mar 04, 2023 6:19 pm Just sat on front steps taking in the late sun.
Contemplating what happened.
It's Carnival weekend where the whole town parties. Pen and guests have gone but too soon for me.
A few things had been getting to me but managed to block them. But they were bubbling under the surface.
Summat bad happened to me and sent me into overdrive. Maybe the final straw? But was a BIG straw. Dragged me right back to my childhood when my dad beat me for what this same thing was.
Pen's done some research and adults really can be affected by what happened as kids.
Now we may know and it makes it easier to understand.
But fuck, was it scary stood on that cliff edge. I remember thinking that I'd wait till dark so I couldn't see over.
Think I'll be OK now.
Had amazing support from 2 of my old racing buddies who are still close to me.
And thanks for support on here
Life's such a bastard at times. It never dishes up trouble in a way we can manage. Always giving it to you by the bucket load. I'm a sworn atheist but have to tell you that I found solice in the good book. Not the religious part, but the humanity and the perspective it puts on things. Just as with Yorick, I don't 'know' you but I am rooting for you and wish you well Couchy.Couchy wrote: ↑Sun Mar 05, 2023 8:44 pmGuess I may as well open up a bit here, because of my childhood and the following loss of Gribmany years later and again many more years on I’m sat with my marriage all but over. My home my family it’s all going to change. This is all from childhood. Im going through psychotherapy to try and change me and how I react but it’s not going to stop my loss. Twice in the past few weeks I’ve done what you have and stood where I shouldn’t be before calling someone and asking for help. Problem is blokes our age were bought up by people who didn’t know any better, then for years it’s bit been right to talk and it takes us time and bravery to open up. I want to help but all I can do at the moment is say I know what you’re going through. Damn I wanna Jump on a plane and come see you mate. Message me if you want, I’m little use but I have to offer as people have been so kind to me. I’ve no idea where I’m going or what’s gonna happen but I can reply to a message.Yorick wrote: ↑Sat Mar 04, 2023 6:19 pm Just sat on front steps taking in the late sun.
Contemplating what happened.
It's Carnival weekend where the whole town parties. Pen and guests have gone but too soon for me.
A few things had been getting to me but managed to block them. But they were bubbling under the surface.
Summat bad happened to me and sent me into overdrive. Maybe the final straw? But was a BIG straw. Dragged me right back to my childhood when my dad beat me for what this same thing was.
Pen's done some research and adults really can be affected by what happened as kids.
Now we may know and it makes it easier to understand.
But fuck, was it scary stood on that cliff edge. I remember thinking that I'd wait till dark so I couldn't see over.
Think I'll be OK now.
Had amazing support from 2 of my old racing buddies who are still close to me.
And thanks for support on here
Aww no. I've just dipped into this thread again for the first time in a while, and reading that has made me sad for both of you, and your families.Couchy wrote: ↑Sun Mar 05, 2023 8:44 pmGuess I may as well open up a bit here, because of my childhood and the following loss of Gribmany years later and again many more years on I’m sat with my marriage all but over. My home my family it’s all going to change. This is all from childhood. Im going through psychotherapy to try and change me and how I react but it’s not going to stop my loss. Twice in the past few weeks I’ve done what you have and stood where I shouldn’t be before calling someone and asking for help. Problem is blokes our age were bought up by people who didn’t know any better, then for years it’s bit been right to talk and it takes us time and bravery to open up. I want to help but all I can do at the moment is say I know what you’re going through. Damn I wanna Jump on a plane and come see you mate. Message me if you want, I’m little use but I have to offer as people have been so kind to me. I’ve no idea where I’m going or what’s gonna happen but I can reply to a message.Yorick wrote: ↑Sat Mar 04, 2023 6:19 pm Just sat on front steps taking in the late sun.
Contemplating what happened.
It's Carnival weekend where the whole town parties. Pen and guests have gone but too soon for me.
A few things had been getting to me but managed to block them. But they were bubbling under the surface.
Summat bad happened to me and sent me into overdrive. Maybe the final straw? But was a BIG straw. Dragged me right back to my childhood when my dad beat me for what this same thing was.
Pen's done some research and adults really can be affected by what happened as kids.
Now we may know and it makes it easier to understand.
But fuck, was it scary stood on that cliff edge. I remember thinking that I'd wait till dark so I couldn't see over.
Think I'll be OK now.
Had amazing support from 2 of my old racing buddies who are still close to me.
And thanks for support on here
Yorick wrote: ↑Mon Mar 06, 2023 10:56 am I suffer from anxiety rather than depression. Doctors explained that I can feel symptoms of depression as they do overlap, but thankfully I don't suffer from it as well. Often feel in a black hole and can't get out. But only lasts a few hours.
I have coping measures to cope with other symptoms of anxiety.
When I'm down I think "I'd rather be a bit poorly here, rather than a bit poorly in Bradford ". Or just go sit in my mancave. Or just take the dog for a walk.
Try to concentrate on the positives.
When I see/hear folk saying "you need to do..." I think they're idiots. Nobody knows what's in your head.
Only way I help is by listening, sharing experiences and talking about coping mechanisms. Don't tell them they are doing it wrong.
Most mornings I walk along the seafront. It always lifts me up.
Today's walk was first for a few days
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Something was released last year on some sort of break through process (I was only casually reading about it in a journal) and the bit that caught my attention was a researcher saying that 2/3rds of traditional depression medication seems to have no (or little) effect and of those that do respond it takes many weeks - and by then they're not sure if it's the drug or something else that has changed - I also think the gist of the "We're not sure" was because often it's new patients, so saying what actually worked and what didn't is hard unless they've been part of proper clinical trials with loads of history.Screwdriver wrote: ↑Tue Mar 07, 2023 12:43 am Does anyone have any direct experience of the latest antidepressants?
Whilst I can totally agree with the taking yourself off to the pub or something along those lines in the moment the anxiety is taking over it's not that part of the brain that can make that decision that is in control. it's changing this behaviour that is the solution for me and even knowing that it's gonna take a lot of falls and getting up to get therePotter wrote: ↑Tue Mar 07, 2023 9:59 amScrewdriver wrote: ↑Tue Mar 07, 2023 12:43 am Does anyone have any direct experience of the latest antidepressants?
This won't be a popular view, but for temporary and occasional anxiety (the type where you're ready to burn the whole world down) then I think taking yourself off to the pub, having just the one (I do mean just one), then walking back slowly to reconsider, is the most effective thing ever.
To a great extent that's why it's here fella.Screwdriver wrote: ↑Tue Mar 07, 2023 10:55 am I am not going to hijack this thread with a list of my own personal issues but I do not think it is "anxiety" in my case.
I think when I first starting posting on Visordown about antidepressant use, I was waving the 'they might only provide some benefit to 30% of the people, 20% of the time'.Screwdriver wrote: ↑Tue Mar 07, 2023 12:43 am Does anyone have any direct experience of the latest antidepressants?
I think I am on a path leading nowhere and I strongly suspect this is the only course of action for me now.
I have resisted multiple offers from my GP, they really have no idea who I am. It is no longer a personal service either from the GP or the NHS.
Think it's time I gave these another try so I am genuinely looking for some empirical knowledge.
Keep posting mate, it's threads like this that help old men like us as we don't talk enough. I've had to learn to talk and still don't as much as I should but I have got help that is working for me. I know all too well someone telling you to do something doesn't always mean you'll listen but today I'm on a level so I'll keep saying it. Chase your GP a bit more, escalate it if needed as they only deal with those that shout the loudest. If needed go and camp on their doorstep and don't move till they help you. The system is fucked and it takes an extreme approach to get through.Screwdriver wrote: ↑Tue Mar 07, 2023 10:55 am I am not going to hijack this thread with a list of my own personal issues but I do not think it is "anxiety" in my case. It is much more likely to be a clinical depression with some sort of issue relating to a chemical imbalance or faulty mechanism.
When you look at the top five stress risers: employment, financial security, housing, relationship and health, I seem to score a zero on everything. If we were playing depression poker, I'd have a full house and TBH, I don't know how I go this far.
With me it is simply a complete lack of motivation. Nothing gives me any pleasure. I merely exist and my reward for battling through this interminable malaise is I get to go through it all over again tomorrow.
I had hoped that the extraordinary response to Methylprednisolone would lead to some sort of positive treatment but I am told, that drug is not a "treatment" per se. It was merely an intervention to try and stop further brain loss. The side effect of it was magical as I detail in some other post. I was happy, joyful, full of energy and the day simply wasn't long enough. Now I am back to square one being offered a lifetime on some MS drug administered by drip and all that can try and do is stop things getting worse.
So the upshot is this is as good as it gets and yet clearly it is not enough. I hope it is a chemical imbalance, lack of serotonin or dopamine (or both!) and that some antidepressant or other can make up for any deficiency without turning me into a fluffy bunny happy hippy. That's what happened last time I was on Prozac. It even felt "wrong" but I must admit, it was a "happy" time even if it made me dangerously carefree.
Yeah I know, it's like having hypothermia, you're the last person to realise it's happening to you and that's why hypothermia kills people and anxiety makes people do crazy stuff.Couchy wrote: ↑Tue Mar 07, 2023 10:32 am
Whilst I can totally agree with the taking yourself off to the pub or something along those lines in the moment the anxiety is taking over it's not that part of the brain that can make that decision that is in control. it's changing this behaviour that is the solution for me and even knowing that it's gonna take a lot of falls and getting up to get there