Depression

[wull]

Is there any chance you can go again? I know that the last few years have been more difficult because I couldn't ride bikes and couldn't ski much and when I did I was always wary. Makes so much difference to be able to do something you are passionate about (or completely invested in) even if you don't do it every day. Might be worth trying?

I looked in to it, but to be honest after the furore the last time with the ban and losing a crap load of money and time I invested in it, I just don't have the heart to get involved again. Also, I took a lot of shit for having partaken in the sport after Dunblane. Plus, the hoops you have to jump through now, and as ridiculous as it sounds, the restrictions on calibre and the pathetic attempts to get round restrictions with long barrelled pistols and AR-15 style 22 rifles just seems a bit much. It's like the government telling all bikers they could only ride 250 Honda Superdreams with a sidecar. I think the ship has sailed and I just need to fire myself back up again with something that I do actually feel passionate about.

I say that bikes don't get me fired up like I seem to think anymore, but every time I get that smell that only a bike engine seems to have, or the sound when one flies past It takes me right back to being a kid on the back of my dad's or uncles bikes

It does seem weirdly pathetic that the whole thing that gets me down most is not having a hobby to be passionate about

Dunblane is a day I remember so well, our school was immediately locked down and we were kept there for hours. He used to shoot at the local rifle club and Dunblane was so close.

[darthpunk]

Had a chat with the missus yesterday, she thinks my depression isn't what it was and I'm probably in more of a midlife crisis than anything. The Lightweight Adventurers Podcast covered this and the symptoms they mentioned marry up quite nicely.

• Don't know who they are anymore

• Stuck in a rut

• Begin to regret the path they didn't take

• Feel that time is runnin out

• Suffer mood swings

• Feel apathetic, "Down in the dumps" or actively depressed

• Think about death or dying more

They say that they read that in the Haynes manual for the Midlife Crisis someone bought one of them as a joke. And they take ti with a pinch of salt however the points they make are that something generally treated as a bit of a joke in men (screw the secretary, buy the Porsche) is really rooted in truth.

Not to say I didn't have, maybe still have, depression. Very long store extremely short, Mother was an arse, bit of a narcissist, caused holy hell in life and marriage between me and the missus. We've moved on from her drama and my wife flung her out of the house one day when she was being an arse and she's not been a problem much since.

Hangover from all that is I became a hermit, lost joy in life, work etc to the point where confidence hit an all time low. Add in previous money worries that are long behind me and I don't do anything or am willing to spend money without fretting about it.

Anyway, off on a ramble again, as usual my other half talks the most amount of sense in the house again so I'll try and get back to moaning about the state of custom bikes and drooling over second hand 70's hondas and Gibson guitars again. I need to stop over analysing the past so much and look for new things rather than going over and over past glory's

[Cousin Jack]

Don't know who they are anymore
Stuck in a rut
Begin to regret the path they didn't take
Feel that time is runnin out
Suffer mood swings
Feel apathetic, "Down in the dumps" or actively depressed
Think about death or dying more

Bloody hell - that list covers most of us over about 50!

Don't beat yourself up about it, we all think about "the path we didn't take". However be aware you can only see the start of that path, if you had taken it it might have ended somewhere dark and nasty, far worse that the here and now.

Time IS running out! So enjoy the time you have left, you can do bog-all about the past.

Think about death or dying? Yep, when I was a teenager I was immortal, in my 70s death is getting uncomfortably close, so best stop worrying and enjoy the life that is left

[Noggin]

Don't know who they are anymore
Stuck in a rut
Begin to regret the path they didn't take
Feel that time is runnin out
Suffer mood swings
Feel apathetic, "Down in the dumps" or actively depressed
Think about death or dying more

Bloody hell - that list covers most of us over about 50!

Don't beat yourself up about it, we all think about "the path we didn't take". However be aware you can only see the start of that path, if you had taken it it might have ended somewhere dark and nasty, far worse that the here and now.

Time IS running out! So enjoy the time you have left, you can do bog-all about the past.

Think about death or dying? Yep, when I was a teenager I was immortal, in my 70s death is getting uncomfortably close, so best stop worrying and enjoy the life that is left

TBF, and I know I do bang on about menopause a smidge (!!), men also lose hormones which starts probably at a similar age to women, so anytime from 35 onwards. Some start earlier and some start later. Some have symptoms and some don't. Exactly the same as women. I've not done any research into is and I don't have a man and I have kinda concentrated on the Menopause because I wanted to quit life because of the way it made me feel. Lack of hormones does cause massive mental changes in some - not all. It's finding out the one that is causing the issues and replace it. Or something like that

I'll try and find the reference to it that I saw last year as there will probably have been more info on it now - and if a hormone replacement helps, that could be awesome.

For me, I still know I have depression. But it's back to being manageable now


As for different paths. I've always been incredibly sad (not depressed, regretful) that I've never married and had kids. Was all I wanted to do in life (more the have kids thing!). Equally, I'm pretty sure I wouldn't live where I do if I'd had kids. And I am auntie to my mates kids which makes me happy - can be much more of a poor influence when and auntie!!

If you can learn to love where you are in life, the depression can become much more managable, IME - totally non scientific but it has worked for me

[ZRX61]

Bloody hell - that list covers most of us over about 50!

Don't beat yourself up about it, we all think about "the path we didn't take". However be aware you can only see the start of that path, if you had taken it it might have ended somewhere dark and nasty, far worse that the here and now.

Time IS running out! So enjoy the time you have left, you can do bog-all about the past.

Think about death or dying? Yep, when I was a teenager I was immortal, in my 70s death is getting uncomfortably close, so best stop worrying and enjoy the life that is left

Just wait until you hit your 60's & throw some PTSD into the mix.

[Noggin]

I forgot to post - I couldn't find the article I read about this ages ago, but this sightly not medical looking page has some info -

https://www.familiprix.com/en/articles/andropause

Or the NHS stuff -

https://www.nhs.uk/conditions/male-menopause/


TBF, I suspect most men have some sort of symptoms and just get on with it (as have most women with menopause over the years)> One of the side benefits of all the publicity about menopause and getting medical people to appreciate the symptoms and solutions is that the male menopause is being mentioned a bit more (quietly at the mo)

But, it could be something worth looking at?? Maybe??

I do have a mate that was recently prescribed testosterone gel - I can't remember why exactly, a medical condition that was a bit complicated for the amount of rum I'd had that night!! But, he did comment to me that it hadn't just had an affect on that condition, but on his mental health, mood and general zest for life! So, worth a bit of reading for some, maybe??

[Cousin Jack]

Just wait until you hit your 60's & throw some PTSD into the mix.

I would love to wait to hit my 60s, but that ship has sailed. My next stop is my 80s.

[Yorick]

A couple of hours ago I set off walking to the high cliffs a mile out of town.
I found somewhere safe to leave my dog and sent a Whatsapp messages to my enduro pals group showing his location so they'd find him.

I walked about 200 yards and sat looking over the edge.
It was an out of body experience. Impossible to describe. Calm and scary.
Luckily (unluckily) my pal was close. He knew the area. Found my dog and guessed where I'd be.

Then I broke down and let it all out.

Talked for ages.

Just wanted "normal " so having a beer in the evening sun now in town.

Folk nodding and saying Hi.

If only they knew.

I feel calm. Maybe just getting right to the edge is a good thing?

Dunno why I took a photo. It was peaceful.

20230301_172514.jpg (1.81 MiB) Viewed 567 times

[Buckaroo]

A couple of hours ago I set off walking to the high cliffs a mile out of town.
I found somewhere safe to leave my dog and sent a Whatsapp messages to my enduro pals group showing his location so they'd find him.

I walked about 200 yards and sat looking over the edge.
It was an out of body experience. Impossible to describe. Calm and scary.
Luckily (unluckily) my pal was close. He knew the area. Found my dog and guessed where I'd be.

Then I broke down and let it all out.

Talked for ages.

Just wanted "normal " so having a beer in the evening sun now in town.

Folk nodding and saying Hi.

If only they knew.

I feel calm. Maybe just getting right to the edge is a good thing?

Dunno why I took a photo. It was peaceful.
20230301_172514.jpg

Whilst I don't 'know' you, I'm so glad you didn't and your mate found you.
Close to the edge indeed......

[Taipan]

Dont really know what to say to that Yoz. But I know you know how devastating death is for those left behind. Life really is so precious. You did the right thing in talking to your mates, but maybe get some professional help too?

[Noggin]

What they've said. Glad you didn't.

Life's tough sometimes and it's hard to find people that you can talk to. Hugs

xxx

know how devastating death is for those left behind

This really is the only reason I'm still here and would never choose to go by my hand. Tough call but it's meant that I've survived until better times.

[Rockburner]

A couple of hours ago I set off walking to the high cliffs a mile out of town.
I found somewhere safe to leave my dog and sent a Whatsapp messages to my enduro pals group showing his location so they'd find him.

I walked about 200 yards and sat looking over the edge.
It was an out of body experience. Impossible to describe. Calm and scary.
Luckily (unluckily) my pal was close. He knew the area. Found my dog and guessed where I'd be.

Then I broke down and let it all out.

Talked for ages.

Just wanted "normal " so having a beer in the evening sun now in town.

Folk nodding and saying Hi.

If only they knew.

I feel calm. Maybe just getting right to the edge is a good thing?

Dunno why I took a photo. It was peaceful.
20230301_172514.jpg

I know you think I'm a cunt, but I'm dumbfounded by this.

I am really very glad that you didn't decide to go through with it, and that your mate was close and came to be there with you.

I have huge respect for you for being able to open up and talk to him. It's not an easy thing to do, but you did it and you're still here.

I am very glad you're still with us, and I hope that you feel like the lid doesn't have to be strapped down tight permanently.

[MyLittleStudPony]

Look after yourself Yorick. I'm so glad you didn't do it.

[Skub]

A couple of hours ago I set off walking to the high cliffs a mile out of town.
I found somewhere safe to leave my dog and sent a Whatsapp messages to my enduro pals group showing his location so they'd find him.

I walked about 200 yards and sat looking over the edge.
It was an out of body experience. Impossible to describe. Calm and scary.
Luckily (unluckily) my pal was close. He knew the area. Found my dog and guessed where I'd be.

Then I broke down and let it all out.

Talked for ages.

Just wanted "normal " so having a beer in the evening sun now in town.

Folk nodding and saying Hi.

If only they knew.

I feel calm. Maybe just getting right to the edge is a good thing?

Dunno why I took a photo. It was peaceful.
20230301_172514.jpg

Bloody hell man.

As Tiepin says,I hope you talk to someone in a professional capacity.

[mangocrazy]

I'm very glad you didn't do it mate, and glad you had someone you could talk to at a crucial time. And it was brave fronting up about it to a bunch of what are effectively semi-strangers. Now you need to take the next step and talk to the experts. We're with you.

[Cousin Jack]

Bloody hell! I am glad you didn't jump! Just remember that there are a lot of rufty tufty bikers that would be in tears if you did anything like that, not too mention your missus and the dog.

I have never really met you, we might have met at a VD Memorial Meet, or maybe not, but I consider you a friend, albeit a virtual one. We both lived in MK at one stage, you a track instructor and me a wobbly born-again with 38 years of rust on my very limited experience. I always remember you offered to take me out with you, which was very kind of you. I declined because I was ashamed of how slow and wobbly I was, I often wish I hadn't.

Anyway as a virtual friend, anything I can do to help, just ask. You have done the hard bit, reaching out and admitting you are not feeling good, now let us all help. And do try to get some professional help too.

[Greenman]

A couple of hours ago I set off walking to the high cliffs a mile out of town.
I found somewhere safe to leave my dog and sent a Whatsapp messages to my enduro pals group showing his location so they'd find him.

I walked about 200 yards and sat looking over the edge.
It was an out of body experience. Impossible to describe. Calm and scary.
Luckily (unluckily) my pal was close. He knew the area. Found my dog and guessed where I'd be.

Then I broke down and let it all out.

Talked for ages.

Just wanted "normal " so having a beer in the evening sun now in town.

Folk nodding and saying Hi.

If only they knew.

I feel calm. Maybe just getting right to the edge is a good thing?

Dunno why I took a photo. It was peaceful.
20230301_172514.jpg

Maybe instead of wanting to get away from the world your non actions subconsciously want you to be back in the place our race was born which means you just need to be loved. Maybe you should try and be around more people...

Peace and love always.

[Wossname]

I didn't reply yesterday because I didn't know what to say apart from the obvious "really glad you didn't". Don't really have anything helpful to add today, except that you've made a start already by talking to yourself about it which is a really important first step, and then to your pal and on here. Keep that bit up but I think you need to ask for some "proper" help in addition to the well-intentioned amateurs like us on here. We're here for you, tho.....

[Potter]

Spare bedroom here Yorick, welcome any time if you just need a few days in a different place chatting about bikes and shit.

[Skub]

Spare bedroom here Yorick, welcome any time if you just need a few days in a different place chatting about bikes and shit.

He knows you still have the hat.