Depression

[Noggin]

Don't know who they are anymore
Stuck in a rut
Begin to regret the path they didn't take
Feel that time is runnin out
Suffer mood swings
Feel apathetic, "Down in the dumps" or actively depressed
Think about death or dying more

Bloody hell - that list covers most of us over about 50!

Don't beat yourself up about it, we all think about "the path we didn't take". However be aware you can only see the start of that path, if you had taken it it might have ended somewhere dark and nasty, far worse that the here and now.

Time IS running out! So enjoy the time you have left, you can do bog-all about the past.

Think about death or dying? Yep, when I was a teenager I was immortal, in my 70s death is getting uncomfortably close, so best stop worrying and enjoy the life that is left

TBF, and I know I do bang on about menopause a smidge (!!), men also lose hormones which starts probably at a similar age to women, so anytime from 35 onwards. Some start earlier and some start later. Some have symptoms and some don't. Exactly the same as women. I've not done any research into is and I don't have a man and I have kinda concentrated on the Menopause because I wanted to quit life because of the way it made me feel. Lack of hormones does cause massive mental changes in some - not all. It's finding out the one that is causing the issues and replace it. Or something like that

I'll try and find the reference to it that I saw last year as there will probably have been more info on it now - and if a hormone replacement helps, that could be awesome.

For me, I still know I have depression. But it's back to being manageable now


As for different paths. I've always been incredibly sad (not depressed, regretful) that I've never married and had kids. Was all I wanted to do in life (more the have kids thing!). Equally, I'm pretty sure I wouldn't live where I do if I'd had kids. And I am auntie to my mates kids which makes me happy - can be much more of a poor influence when and auntie!!

If you can learn to love where you are in life, the depression can become much more managable, IME - totally non scientific but it has worked for me

[ZRX61]

Bloody hell - that list covers most of us over about 50!

Don't beat yourself up about it, we all think about "the path we didn't take". However be aware you can only see the start of that path, if you had taken it it might have ended somewhere dark and nasty, far worse that the here and now.

Time IS running out! So enjoy the time you have left, you can do bog-all about the past.

Think about death or dying? Yep, when I was a teenager I was immortal, in my 70s death is getting uncomfortably close, so best stop worrying and enjoy the life that is left

Just wait until you hit your 60's & throw some PTSD into the mix.

[Noggin]

I forgot to post - I couldn't find the article I read about this ages ago, but this sightly not medical looking page has some info -

https://www.familiprix.com/en/articles/andropause

Or the NHS stuff -

https://www.nhs.uk/conditions/male-menopause/


TBF, I suspect most men have some sort of symptoms and just get on with it (as have most women with menopause over the years)> One of the side benefits of all the publicity about menopause and getting medical people to appreciate the symptoms and solutions is that the male menopause is being mentioned a bit more (quietly at the mo)

But, it could be something worth looking at?? Maybe??

I do have a mate that was recently prescribed testosterone gel - I can't remember why exactly, a medical condition that was a bit complicated for the amount of rum I'd had that night!! But, he did comment to me that it hadn't just had an affect on that condition, but on his mental health, mood and general zest for life! So, worth a bit of reading for some, maybe??

[Cousin Jack]

Just wait until you hit your 60's & throw some PTSD into the mix.

I would love to wait to hit my 60s, but that ship has sailed. My next stop is my 80s.

[Yorick]

A couple of hours ago I set off walking to the high cliffs a mile out of town.
I found somewhere safe to leave my dog and sent a Whatsapp messages to my enduro pals group showing his location so they'd find him.

I walked about 200 yards and sat looking over the edge.
It was an out of body experience. Impossible to describe. Calm and scary.
Luckily (unluckily) my pal was close. He knew the area. Found my dog and guessed where I'd be.

Then I broke down and let it all out.

Talked for ages.

Just wanted "normal " so having a beer in the evening sun now in town.

Folk nodding and saying Hi.

If only they knew.

I feel calm. Maybe just getting right to the edge is a good thing?

Dunno why I took a photo. It was peaceful.

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[Buckaroo]

A couple of hours ago I set off walking to the high cliffs a mile out of town.
I found somewhere safe to leave my dog and sent a Whatsapp messages to my enduro pals group showing his location so they'd find him.

I walked about 200 yards and sat looking over the edge.
It was an out of body experience. Impossible to describe. Calm and scary.
Luckily (unluckily) my pal was close. He knew the area. Found my dog and guessed where I'd be.

Then I broke down and let it all out.

Talked for ages.

Just wanted "normal " so having a beer in the evening sun now in town.

Folk nodding and saying Hi.

If only they knew.

I feel calm. Maybe just getting right to the edge is a good thing?

Dunno why I took a photo. It was peaceful.
20230301_172514.jpg

Whilst I don't 'know' you, I'm so glad you didn't and your mate found you.
Close to the edge indeed......

[Taipan]

Dont really know what to say to that Yoz. But I know you know how devastating death is for those left behind. Life really is so precious. You did the right thing in talking to your mates, but maybe get some professional help too?

[Noggin]

What they've said. Glad you didn't.

Life's tough sometimes and it's hard to find people that you can talk to. Hugs

xxx

know how devastating death is for those left behind

This really is the only reason I'm still here and would never choose to go by my hand. Tough call but it's meant that I've survived until better times.

[Rockburner]

A couple of hours ago I set off walking to the high cliffs a mile out of town.
I found somewhere safe to leave my dog and sent a Whatsapp messages to my enduro pals group showing his location so they'd find him.

I walked about 200 yards and sat looking over the edge.
It was an out of body experience. Impossible to describe. Calm and scary.
Luckily (unluckily) my pal was close. He knew the area. Found my dog and guessed where I'd be.

Then I broke down and let it all out.

Talked for ages.

Just wanted "normal " so having a beer in the evening sun now in town.

Folk nodding and saying Hi.

If only they knew.

I feel calm. Maybe just getting right to the edge is a good thing?

Dunno why I took a photo. It was peaceful.
20230301_172514.jpg

I know you think I'm a cunt, but I'm dumbfounded by this.

I am really very glad that you didn't decide to go through with it, and that your mate was close and came to be there with you.

I have huge respect for you for being able to open up and talk to him. It's not an easy thing to do, but you did it and you're still here.

I am very glad you're still with us, and I hope that you feel like the lid doesn't have to be strapped down tight permanently.

[MyLittleStudPony]

Look after yourself Yorick. I'm so glad you didn't do it.

[Skub]

A couple of hours ago I set off walking to the high cliffs a mile out of town.
I found somewhere safe to leave my dog and sent a Whatsapp messages to my enduro pals group showing his location so they'd find him.

I walked about 200 yards and sat looking over the edge.
It was an out of body experience. Impossible to describe. Calm and scary.
Luckily (unluckily) my pal was close. He knew the area. Found my dog and guessed where I'd be.

Then I broke down and let it all out.

Talked for ages.

Just wanted "normal " so having a beer in the evening sun now in town.

Folk nodding and saying Hi.

If only they knew.

I feel calm. Maybe just getting right to the edge is a good thing?

Dunno why I took a photo. It was peaceful.
20230301_172514.jpg

Bloody hell man.

As Tiepin says,I hope you talk to someone in a professional capacity.

[mangocrazy]

I'm very glad you didn't do it mate, and glad you had someone you could talk to at a crucial time. And it was brave fronting up about it to a bunch of what are effectively semi-strangers. Now you need to take the next step and talk to the experts. We're with you.

[Cousin Jack]

Bloody hell! I am glad you didn't jump! Just remember that there are a lot of rufty tufty bikers that would be in tears if you did anything like that, not too mention your missus and the dog.

I have never really met you, we might have met at a VD Memorial Meet, or maybe not, but I consider you a friend, albeit a virtual one. We both lived in MK at one stage, you a track instructor and me a wobbly born-again with 38 years of rust on my very limited experience. I always remember you offered to take me out with you, which was very kind of you. I declined because I was ashamed of how slow and wobbly I was, I often wish I hadn't.

Anyway as a virtual friend, anything I can do to help, just ask. You have done the hard bit, reaching out and admitting you are not feeling good, now let us all help. And do try to get some professional help too.

[Greenman]

A couple of hours ago I set off walking to the high cliffs a mile out of town.
I found somewhere safe to leave my dog and sent a Whatsapp messages to my enduro pals group showing his location so they'd find him.

I walked about 200 yards and sat looking over the edge.
It was an out of body experience. Impossible to describe. Calm and scary.
Luckily (unluckily) my pal was close. He knew the area. Found my dog and guessed where I'd be.

Then I broke down and let it all out.

Talked for ages.

Just wanted "normal " so having a beer in the evening sun now in town.

Folk nodding and saying Hi.

If only they knew.

I feel calm. Maybe just getting right to the edge is a good thing?

Dunno why I took a photo. It was peaceful.
20230301_172514.jpg

Maybe instead of wanting to get away from the world your non actions subconsciously want you to be back in the place our race was born which means you just need to be loved. Maybe you should try and be around more people...

Peace and love always.

[Wossname]

I didn't reply yesterday because I didn't know what to say apart from the obvious "really glad you didn't". Don't really have anything helpful to add today, except that you've made a start already by talking to yourself about it which is a really important first step, and then to your pal and on here. Keep that bit up but I think you need to ask for some "proper" help in addition to the well-intentioned amateurs like us on here. We're here for you, tho.....

[Skub]

Spare bedroom here Yorick, welcome any time if you just need a few days in a different place chatting about bikes and shit.

He knows you still have the hat.

[MyLittleStudPony]

Spare bedroom here Yorick, welcome any time if you just need a few days in a different place chatting about bikes and shit.

Here too.

Also a floor which I could do with a hand restoring.

[Yorick]

Just sat on front steps taking in the late sun.
Contemplating what happened.

It's Carnival weekend where the whole town parties. Pen and guests have gone but too soon for me.

A few things had been getting to me but managed to block them. But they were bubbling under the surface.
Summat bad happened to me and sent me into overdrive. Maybe the final straw? But was a BIG straw. Dragged me right back to my childhood when my dad beat me for what this same thing was.

Pen's done some research and adults really can be affected by what happened as kids.

Now we may know and it makes it easier to understand.

But fuck, was it scary stood on that cliff edge. I remember thinking that I'd wait till dark so I couldn't see over.

Think I'll be OK now.

Had amazing support from 2 of my old racing buddies who are still close to me.

And thanks for support on here

[Yorick]

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[Couchy]

Just sat on front steps taking in the late sun.
Contemplating what happened.

It's Carnival weekend where the whole town parties. Pen and guests have gone but too soon for me.

A few things had been getting to me but managed to block them. But they were bubbling under the surface.
Summat bad happened to me and sent me into overdrive. Maybe the final straw? But was a BIG straw. Dragged me right back to my childhood when my dad beat me for what this same thing was.

Pen's done some research and adults really can be affected by what happened as kids.

Now we may know and it makes it easier to understand.

But fuck, was it scary stood on that cliff edge. I remember thinking that I'd wait till dark so I couldn't see over.

Think I'll be OK now.

Had amazing support from 2 of my old racing buddies who are still close to me.

And thanks for support on here

Guess I may as well open up a bit here, because of my childhood and the following loss of Gribmany years later and again many more years on I’m sat with my marriage all but over. My home my family it’s all going to change. This is all from childhood. Im going through psychotherapy to try and change me and how I react but it’s not going to stop my loss. Twice in the past few weeks I’ve done what you have and stood where I shouldn’t be before calling someone and asking for help. Problem is blokes our age were bought up by people who didn’t know any better, then for years it’s bit been right to talk and it takes us time and bravery to open up. I want to help but all I can do at the moment is say I know what you’re going through. Damn I wanna Jump on a plane and come see you mate. Message me if you want, I’m little use but I have to offer as people have been so kind to me. I’ve no idea where I’m going or what’s gonna happen but I can reply to a message.