Depression

[Wscad]

Whoever is in charge of life’s deck of cards needs to give them a good fucking shuffle. Brother in law has gone down with a stroke. He’s ok thank fuck.

Over the last month or so there have been a few times when I’ve gone to bed hoping I don’t wake up the next day. Compared to some on here my life is a doddle.

Yambo, the vicar and others....... I don’t know how you get through each day. My wife is very strong and supportive.

If it wasn’t for her I’d be on a large bottle of whiskey and sleeping tablets.

Take care out there and stay strong

[the_priest]

Whoever is in charge of life’s deck of cards needs to give them a good fucking shuffle. Brother in law has gone down with a stroke. He’s ok thank fuck.

Over the last month or so there have been a few times when I’ve gone to bed hoping I don’t wake up the next day. Compared to some on here my life is a doddle.

Yambo, the vicar and others....... I don’t know how you get through each day. My wife is very strong and supportive.

Life is tough, I have my faith to support and sustain me, I also talk to good friends and a spiritual director. Pace yourself and keep talking to good friends. You are welcome to PM me if you like. Like yourself I have a wife who is strong and supportive, a true treasure.

[Wscad]

Thank you for that post vicar.

[Noggin]

I'm not 100% sure how in keeping this is or how it will be received, but I think it does fit here (It's taken me three days to man up and post!!)

I've had a pretty horrendous time since August 2017 and have managed pain, depression, fear etc etc by pretending all is fine. I learnt to do that when I was very young. It kinda keeps depression at bay, doesn't solve anything, but if I pretend to be ok enough, I don't feel quite so bad, generally!

Out here it's been a little more challenging. I don't 'fit in' (not really an issue, I never found a group that I fitted with till I started biking!), didn't speak French, etc etc.

But I did think that I was putting a good face on and generally, people didn't realise how bad things were/I felt.


Wednesday night I met some friends in a bar in another village that I generally don't go to. It's a decent bus ride back and generally when I go there, I don't see anyone to talk to - or worse, I see lots of people I know but still have no one to talk to!! I'd just had the best day skiing in years and years, so I was buzzing a bit. Walked in to see a couple of mates that had obviously been there for Apres (we were there after apres deliberately!) and Craig does get louder and more open when he's been in the bar a long time.

We started talking about work (he does transfers too) and he said that this winter would have been a REALLY good season to restart my business. I said that I just didn't have the mental capacity or finances to do that and that actually I'm very happy at work. He looked me dead in the eye and said "Are you? Are you really happy working for someone else instead?" I can, and did, honestly say that I am very happy. I like my job, I'm happy helping my boss achieve his dream. And I've got a really good job out of it and pretty sure he wants me to work the summer and maybe the interseason too

Craig looked at me very seriously and said "You look happy. For the first time in years, that smile is real. And I'm so very happy to see it. I know you've been pretending for so long, but now you look properly happy"



There haven't been many people in my life that can see past the pretending, or read a message and see past it. And do you know what? I'm amazed that Craig is one of them. But, he and his wife have been awesome friends to me since I first came out here. He's someone I can call for advice, help or just 'fancy a beer'.


So, anyway. Life isn't totally fine or sorted. But at last I do now feel happy. The 'black dog' never really goes far away, but he isn't sitting on on the back of my head with me face down in a puddle!! LOL And I'm ok with him being around, as long as he doesn't try and drown me!!

I suppose it's kind of a success story. I'm fully aware that life goes up and down (mine definitely does the roller coaster thing !!) so I am not sitting back, I still have to make sure I appreciate the good stuff and not hang on to the bad stuff. But, you know what? Having Craig say what he did has really made me feel calmer and happier. Maybe it's just made me appreciate that yes, things really are getting better - I do sometimes wonder when the universe will get the sodding baseball bat out again, but you know what? I'm not looking over my shoulder waiting for it any more. If it happens, it happens, and I'll deal with it. Kind of a nice place to be at the moment (she says with drippy eyes cos remembering that conversation gets me all emotional!! But I did want to share it here). I am sure I'm still gonna have moments, but overall, things are more positive

[Buckaroo]

That black dog is a bastard animal and very difficult to train. Sounds like you have at least taught it to sit and who knows, maybe how to behave itself a bit.

It's great to hear about your recent experience. Catharsis is a wonderful thing.

Keep this authentic happiness.

Sounds like it's long overdue.

[Noggin]

That black dog is a bastard animal and very difficult to train. Sounds like you have at least taught it to sit and who knows, maybe how to behave itself a bit.

It's great to hear about your recent experience. Catharsis is a wonderful thing.

Keep this authentic happiness.

Sounds like it's long overdue.

Thank you. I had thought I had him fairly well trained, but a series of baseball bats wielded by the universe since 2011 (but the big stuff since 2017!!) seemed to make him lose his training!! Think we are slowly coming back to a mutual agreement, very slowly - hopefully x

[tricol]

You look happy

I've been told that a few times. But I've mastered the art of deceiving. I've become really good at coming across that I'm perfectly fine when I'm not. Went to Edinburgh a couple of weekends ago to see friends and the whole weekend I was pretending to be just fine. So, if you look and genuinely are fine (mostly) on the inside, then that's a big win for you.

[Noggin]

You look happy

I've been told that a few times. But I've mastered the art of deceiving. I've become really good at coming across that I'm perfectly fine when I'm not. Went to Edinburgh a couple of weekends ago to see friends and the whole weekend I was pretending to be just fine. So, if you look and genuinely are fine (mostly) on the inside, then that's a big win for you.

It's an 'art' that some of us learn and manage to show very well to others. It's rare that someone notices the difference when you really are genuinely happy! I've not been genuinely happy in years, but I'm getting there, so it was kinda cool that someone noticed

Good for you for going to Edinburgh anyway. It's a challenge sometimes to pretend for a whole weekend, but hopefully you got to enjoy yourself a bit and didn't get quizzed because you can 'put a face on'. Sorry you had to tho xx

[Wscad]

Just a update on me. Had a op on the 24th. In hospital for a week. Surgeon says this is the 1st step of many steps to come.

I still think the cancer hasn’t finished with me yet and I feel a few dark clouds overhead.

Ah well, I have a good women by my side

[weeksy]

Just a update on me. Had a op on the 24th. In hospital for a week. Surgeon says this is the 1st step of many steps to come.

I still think the cancer hasn’t finished with me yet and I feel a few dark clouds overhead.

Ah well, I have a good women by my side

Tough gig.... keep kicking it's arse mate.

[Mr Moofo]

Just a update on me. Had a op on the 24th. In hospital for a week. Surgeon says this is the 1st step of many steps to come.

I still think the cancer hasn’t finished with me yet and I feel a few dark clouds overhead.

Ah well, I have a good women by my side

We are all here to hold your hand and also listen...

On second thoughts, that may not make you feel better!

[Noggin]

Just a update on me. Had a op on the 24th. In hospital for a week. Surgeon says this is the 1st step of many steps to come.

I still think the cancer hasn’t finished with me yet and I feel a few dark clouds overhead.

Ah well, I have a good women by my side

Ah mate, that's tough. As Mr Moofo started off with - we're here for you.

Hugs and crossing fingers you can beat that Cu, I mean teddybear. xxx

[MrLongbeard]

Been referred to the NHS head shrinkers.
Prior to my first telephone appointment , although to be fair I can't decide if doing it remotely is a good thing or a bad thing, I suppose I can maintain a sliver of dignity, no matter how false, not being in person, any who digression aside, they sent me a mental health questionnaire to complete.

Fairly straight forward stuff, those in the business or who have been through it will know the PHQ-9, GAD-7 etc etc questions, but I wish they'd have told me not to look up what my scores indicate

Ahhh well, the appointment isn't for another week, no point stewing over it until it's been chewed over and hashed out, but I foresee some aggro going forward as I'll be buggered six ways till Sunday if they want to foist the standard SSRI's on me again

[Greenman]

I'm a bit depressed today after finding out we have these Tory scum in power until at least Jan 2025, i thought an election to get them out might of come sooner.

Can someone go fucking gun them all down please. Where is Guy Faulks when we need him. They are literally destroying our country day by day.

[weeksy]

I'm a bit depressed today after finding out we have these Tory scum in power until at least Jan 2025, i thought an election to get them out might of come sooner.

Can someone go fucking gun them all down please. Where is Guy Faulks when we need him. They are literally destroying our country day by day.

Really... do have a word with yourself. This isn't the thread for such bollox. It's a proper thread for proper issues.

[Docca]

Been referred to the NHS head shrinkers.
Prior to my first telephone appointment , although to be fair I can't decide if doing it remotely is a good thing or a bad thing, I suppose I can maintain a sliver of dignity, no matter how false, not being in person, any who digression aside, they sent me a mental health questionnaire to complete.

Fairly straight forward stuff, those in the business or who have been through it will know the PHQ-9, GAD-7 etc etc questions, but I wish they'd have told me not to look up what my scores indicate

Ahhh well, the appointment isn't for another week, no point stewing over it until it's been chewed over and hashed out, but I foresee some aggro going forward as I'll be buggered six ways till Sunday if they want to foist the standard SSRI's on me again

GAD7 and PHQ9 scales are not diagnostic tools, rather indicative 'Take a Break' type quick fire questions that act as a gateway for referral.

Primary care (for example your GP) need a frame of reference to pass on to other professionals, more to validate the decision than anything else.

Now i've been around the block a few hundred times, I would suggest that good 'formulation' is the best foundation for understanding context. Without context, you're potentially faced with circumstantial stuff that is just life. For instance: world a bit chaotic and getting you anxious? Girlfriend left you and you're feeling a bit shit? Dog died? Crappy dead-end job that isn't giving you any satisfaction? etc. That lot could make anyone feel down, but it might now be depression or anxiety.

Formulation is a skill, typically within a psychologists/therapists gift. It takes time to work through. What might be less helpful is parroting through another check list of feelings and then qualifying for a tablet.

I'd argue that remote assessments are fine, but the preference for clinicians is face to face. Not only for those non-verbal cues that might not come through on a screen, but also if you can be seen in your own home then you get the environmental cues, too.

Finally, I think it's important to have an idea about what you'd like to improve- as specific as possible. Vagaries such as 'feel less shit' are of limited value.

[Potter]

Now i've been around the block a few hundred times, I would suggest that good 'formulation' is the best foundation for understanding context. Without context, you're potentially faced with circumstantial stuff that is just life. For instance: world a bit chaotic and getting you anxious? Girlfriend left you and you're feeling a bit shit? Dog died? Crappy dead-end job that isn't giving you any satisfaction? etc. That lot could make anyone feel down, but it might now be depression or anxiety.

I don't know if I'm shooting wide of the mark here, but for me the differentiation is "I feel shit because X, Y and Z happened" versus "I feel shit and I shouldn't, because I have no real reason to be miserable".

The first is fairly easy to get off your chest if you can fix the issue or even just given some time and breathing space, whereas the latter is more complicated because no amount of sympathetic shoulders and questions about "why?" and "How does that make you feel?" is going to result in much more than "I don't effing know why...".

For me, the first is resolved by talking the issues through or just accepting them for what they are - but this has absolutely no effect on the latter and if I feel shitty for no apparent reason (especially when on paper it looks like I have the perfect life) then it's only resolved by changing the chemical balance of my body/brain by exercise and diet.

[Docca]

Now we’re American, we refer to those two states as ‘major’ ( big reaction to your norm caused by an external something - job less etc) and ‘minor’ - no readily quantifiable cause.

The former is arguably more treatable, the latter being chronic, has to be more liveable - you’re unlikely to every be ‘cured’.

So not wide of the mark at all.

I think more should be invested in living with who you are than who you want to be when dealing with the latter.

[Potter]

I think more should be invested in living with who you are than who you want to be when dealing with the latter.

I'd tend to agree, you have to love yourself, but one could interpret this as almost giving up, i.e. learn to live with it, rather than try to change it.
Another view is to decide who you want to be and then try to become that person.

I've always found DiClemente & Prochaska's Stages of Change, or Transtheoretical Model of Behaviour Change, a decent philosophy, I think it was drawn up to help with stopping smoking, but you can apply it to anything.

Fundamentally it's Pavlovian, if you practice doing something or being the person you want to be for long enough then you'll eventually become that person.
I read somewhere that if you force yourself to laugh several times a day, every day, even when you don't want to, then after some time your brain chemistry actually changes and you produce more happy chemicals.

I also fall back on the theory of control, feeling in control is a massive pathway to feeling happier.

[tricol]

feeling in control is a massive pathway to feeling happier

In control of what exactly?

I feel I'm in control of most parts of my life, but feel extremely unhappy most of the time.