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Jokes Thread
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Re: Jokes Thread
So my neighbour comes around this morning, knowing my wife is out. Wearing a low cut negligee, nearly everything on display, asks me in a husky voice, 'can I come in for a coffee' then a suggestive wink!
And I said 'fuck off Dave, I've told you before!'
And I said 'fuck off Dave, I've told you before!'
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KungFooBob
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Re: Jokes Thread
It made me almost break a smile.
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Re: Jokes Thread
A newlywed farmer and his wife were visited by her mother, who demanded an inspection of their home. The farmer desperately wanted to win over his mother-in-law, so he was determined that the visit would be a friendly one.
Sadly, the visit went poorly from the start, as the mother-in-law nagged him, demanded he make changes, and offered unwanted advice. Then, as they were walking through the barn for the forced inspection, the farmer’s mule suddenly reared up and kicked the mother-in-law in the head, killing her instantly. Though the farmer was not fond of his mother-in-law, this was still a huge shock for him to witness.
During the funeral a few days later, the farmer stood near the casket and greeted mourners as they walked by. The pastor saw that whenever a woman would whisper something to the farmer, he would nod his head yes and say something. However, whenever a man would walk by and whisper something, the farmer would shake his head no, and mumble a reply. Curious about what was going on, the preacher later asked the farmer about this.
“The women would say, ‘What a terrible tragedy’ and I would nod my head and say, ‘Yes, it was.’ The men would then ask, ‘Can I borrow that mule?’ and I would shake my head and say, ‘Can’t. It’s all booked up for a year,’” the farmer replied.
Sadly, the visit went poorly from the start, as the mother-in-law nagged him, demanded he make changes, and offered unwanted advice. Then, as they were walking through the barn for the forced inspection, the farmer’s mule suddenly reared up and kicked the mother-in-law in the head, killing her instantly. Though the farmer was not fond of his mother-in-law, this was still a huge shock for him to witness.
During the funeral a few days later, the farmer stood near the casket and greeted mourners as they walked by. The pastor saw that whenever a woman would whisper something to the farmer, he would nod his head yes and say something. However, whenever a man would walk by and whisper something, the farmer would shake his head no, and mumble a reply. Curious about what was going on, the preacher later asked the farmer about this.
“The women would say, ‘What a terrible tragedy’ and I would nod my head and say, ‘Yes, it was.’ The men would then ask, ‘Can I borrow that mule?’ and I would shake my head and say, ‘Can’t. It’s all booked up for a year,’” the farmer replied.
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