Depression

[Noggin]

I've been treading a tightrope between being so happy to have started work and actually being able to work in a foreign language, and still being very aware that my brain isn't quite 'there' yet. I have spent so many years being positive, telling people I'm positive, pretending to be positive on the days I'm not that I think I've run out of steam.

I had a plan for tomorrow that I would try and get a few friends together up in my bit of resort to go somewhere for a few drinks. Pre season and a bit of a celebration for something. Then this afternoon I read online that one of those mates is DJing at a bar down in 1800 as it's their opening night. So anyone I would have suggested they drive/walk up here won't now! And TBH, I'm not up for walking down and back - it's pretty icy and I'm very keen to give myself as little chance of falling and breaking something as possible. Pre season and no local buses running, and I have no car.

I know that two people would come anyway but TBH, I have to try hard with one of them and I don't think I can do that now I've got the miseries!!

So, if I can stop my eyes going weepy, I'm gonna go to one of the two bars up here and have a drink and chat (hopefully!) and then go for a pizza!! With a bit of luck I'll catch up with some of my french friends as I bimble around and that'll cheer me up!


It's not cancer miserable, but I am miserable. Probably because my family is so fucked up - it's rare I ever get a christmas or other card, let alone a call or a message. And that does suck cos, despite the fucked-up-ness, I have always held family close to my heart. But hey ho. Get through tomorrow then it's about 7 days till my nephew arrive





@Wscad - "Bottoms Up, Fuck It" My RDad had a good result from a late diagnosis and treatment, so I'll be drinking to you for positivity tomorrow too xx

[Wscad]

Thank you for your comment noggin

[Taipan]

Good news is a couple of weeks from now the days will start getting longer.

I’ve around 2 ton of logs. 2 ton of coal. £200 in credit with gas and electric.

I’ve been told I have bowel cancer so on we go.

Bottoms up fuck it.

And that’s about all I want to say about that right now

Wishing you well, literally, with that one. Positive vibes heading your way.

[Wscad]

Thank you taipan. Onwards and upwards but not with that effing camera

[Count Steer]

Hope they get you sorted sharpish Wscad. More positive vibes on the way.

[Wscad]

Just had a look at my notifications. Some very nice and thoughtful comments. You know who you are and thank you

[the_priest]

Dealing with a daughter who stopped her meds, is feeling suicidal and has no hopes for the future. Depression is a total shitstorm of horror for those who care for those who are affected. There are no right words or sentiments, you just have to be there and hope for the best.

[Yorick]

Dealing with a daughter who stopped her meds, is feeling suicidal and has no hopes for the future. Depression is a total shitstorm of horror for those who care for those who are affected. There are no right words or sentiments, you just have to be there and hope for the best.

Fuck. You are a really wonderful man. If you can't help her, no fucker can

Good luck big fella

[Yorick]

Dealing with a daughter who stopped her meds, is feeling suicidal and has no hopes for the future. Depression is a total shitstorm of horror for those who care for those who are affected. There are no right words or sentiments, you just have to be there and hope for the best.

If they can cure cancer, why can't they make a happy drug.
There's lots of illegal happy drugs.

Why not a happy drug?

I could have used it in the past

[wheelnut]

Dealing with a daughter who stopped her meds, is feeling suicidal and has no hopes for the future. Depression is a total shitstorm of horror for those who care for those who are affected. There are no right words or sentiments, you just have to be there and hope for the best.

Sending some good thoughts you and your daughter’s way. One hour, one day at a time.

[Taipan]

Dealing with a daughter who stopped her meds, is feeling suicidal and has no hopes for the future. Depression is a total shitstorm of horror for those who care for those who are affected. There are no right words or sentiments, you just have to be there and hope for the best.

My Son took an overdose. We couldn't get an ambulance response. I literally dragged and bent his fading body into the back of my daughters car and got him to A&E. Despite my desperate screams at staff for help, they just said to bring him to the assessment room, but it took some bystanders to help carry him in. I've never felt so helpless.

He survived and I was thankful, but he wasn't. He explained he didn't want to be here and only ever was for us. Writing those words cut me as bad today as it did hearing them back then.

Therapy didn't work, nor did his prescribed pills. A change of job did more than those? But even today, years later, he struggles badly with his anxiety, but he at least has the desire to fight.

Back then we offered him everything to help him, pay for therapy and support him in everything and be an emotional, and even once, a physical, punchbag. It was all worth it because I still have him here.

We all hugged earlier as midnight passed and he said it was a great year for us all. I'm awake now, slightly pissed, but very emotional because as I lament those who are no longer with me, it stabs that it could also be him I'm remembering in that group.

I don't a have solution for you as I'm not sure there is a simply prescribed one. My support and advice is only to keep them close, very close, and to make sure they know they are loved and valued as I'm sure you do. I feel if my son had been able to anger himself at us, we would no longer have him...

[Yambo]

I was diagnosed with depression in 2000. My doctor suggested I may have had depression since my mother died, when I was 16. I don't know. I got out of the hole with physical exercise and keeping busy.

In 2009 my wife was diagnosed with terminal pancreatic cancer. She died in 2011 and I put the effort in to prevent slipping back into that black hole, it's always there, waiting. I kept busy, making things, 3 boats, 3 paddle boards other bits and pieces.

A couple of years ago my friendship with M developed into a relationship and she has changed my life. I still had my moments but generally things have been good.

On 27 December I was in the Okavanga Delta with M with no running water, electricity or Internet. My eldest son Richard went in to work at Preston police station and had a massive heart attack. They couldn't save him and he died in minutes. I had a dozen messages waiting for me on our return to Maun and suddenly that big black hole was there again.

I'll do what I need to do to not fall into it. M may have her work cut out, she has been fantastic already. The tributes to Rich on social media show that he was well loved by lots of friends and colleagues and was a good cop. I've always been proud of both my sons. I never expected to lose one, as that's not the way it goes, is it?

I have lots of jobs to when I get back to Turkey, paddle boards to re-furb, jobs on boats etc. I just hope I can find the motivation to get the sander going.

[Trinity765]

You are all wonderful

[Wscad]

In a strange way I’m glad this thread has kicked off again. People are talking again on this thread but I’m worried about the coming year. There is no good news on the horizon. I have dark days and not so bad dark days.

We have water coming out of the tap. We can have a shower, go to the toilet. We are warm in the house. For that I am forever grateful

I have lived and worked in a few places where those things are a dream, and, as a few on here, have seen how people live in in not so good conditions every single day

Onwards and upwards everyone. Happy new year everyone

[Potter]

Blimey, I don't know what to say, I read Taipans post and got a lump in my throat, then read Yambos and got a tear in my eye.
It seems to be the people with the biggest hearts that get the biggest kick in the bollocks

If I was a religious man then I'd struggle not to be angry at whomever I thought was making these decisions.
As it is I just think we're unfortunately subject to random stuff and occasionally we're the next in line for it.

The stuff about kids (even when grown up) always gets me, I suffer with worry about them, I have a really decent mentor and he's always telling me that I take too much responsibility, I worry so much about their future even when they seem not to, I ended up shouting at my lad recently because he didn't seem as worried about his future as I was. I can go up like a bottle of pop at anything that gets in the way of the perfect future I tried to carve out for them.

I'm usually not good with sympathy, I come from a stiff upper lip angle usually, but shit, I'm at a loss here.
Best wishes, fwiw.

[Buckaroo]

Reading these recent posts reminds me just how wonderful people are, even when it seems like all is lost. Resilience is too cold a word to use: love, hope, compassion, belief in others, but above all else, humanity.

You guys are inspirational at times, funny at other times, but always willing to lend an ear and support when needed.

Happy New year.

[Skub]

I was diagnosed with depression in 2000. My doctor suggested I may have had depression since my mother died, when I was 16. I don't know. I got out of the hole with physical exercise and keeping busy.

In 2009 my wife was diagnosed with terminal pancreatic cancer. She died in 2011 and I put the effort in to prevent slipping back into that black hole, it's always there, waiting. I kept busy, making things, 3 boats, 3 paddle boards other bits and pieces.

A couple of years ago my friendship with M developed into a relationship and she has changed my life. I still had my moments but generally things have been good.

On 27 December I was in the Okavanga Delta with M with no running water, electricity or Internet. My eldest son Richard went in to work at Preston police station and had a massive heart attack. They couldn't save him and he died in minutes. I had a dozen messages waiting for me on our return to Maun and suddenly that big black hole was there again.

I'll do what I need to do to not fall into it. M may have her work cut out, she has been fantastic already. The tributes to Rich on social media show that he was well loved by lots of friends and colleagues and was a good cop. I've always been proud of both my sons. I never expected to lose one, as that's not the way it goes, is it?

I have lots of jobs to when I get back to Turkey, paddle boards to re-furb, jobs on boats etc. I just hope I can find the motivation to get the sander going.

Ah Yambo,I'm so sorry. I saw Steven's post on FB earlier. My deepest sympathies.

[Wossname]

I have always hoped that this thread may be of some real help to those on here that need it. The need seems greater than ever today - Priest, taipan, yambo, wscad - there will be others who don't always put their troubles into words - if it helps, we're here to listen even if that's all we can do. Keep talking. Hugs to all who need them.

[the_priest]

On 27 December I was in the Okavanga Delta with M with no running water, electricity or Internet. My eldest son Richard went in to work at Preston police station and had a massive heart attack. They couldn't save him and he died in minutes. I had a dozen messages waiting for me on our return to Maun and suddenly that big black hole was there again.

My deepest condolences to you and your family. I am glad to hear you have M to support and sustain you. May you have peace in good memories and shared experiences of Richard's worth to those who loved and knew him.

[Treadeager]

Dealing with a daughter who stopped her meds, is feeling suicidal and has no hopes for the future. Depression is a total shitstorm of horror for those who care for those who are affected. There are no right words or sentiments, you just have to be there and hope for the best.

Fourteen months have passed since I lost my beloved wife . She was my first love and we shared 47 years together . I had never suffered from depression , but came very close in those last dark days . You were there to help me then , and as bad as that experience was , I cannot imagine anything worse than having a mortal fear for the well being of your child . My heart goes out to you , Tiepin and and anyone else who has suffered such sorrow . There's something about this time of year that amplifies such feelings of joy and sadness . I sincerely hope that there is some " ying and yang " in this world , and some of your past kindnesses reflect back on you now . Best Wishes from us all .