Depression

[MrLongbeard]

So teen gets into a bikini, fills the bath full of water, jumps and is fully submerged , eyes wide open holding a effing sunflower, wife takes around a 100 pics.

Is this effing normal?

Pretty much, yeah.

[Buckaroo]

Kids today, regardless of, pretty much, where they live or are from appear to exist in a virtual world, where the likes of you and I are but mere shadows. We don't figure in their minds other than when there's a genuine issue, as opposed to the 24/7 pseudo drama they create for themselves.

Simply put, to attempt to rationalise or apply logic to their behaviour is guaranteed to end up with you effing, all the effing time.

As has been suggested, make some simple, but fair rules and then try to ignore them until the rules are broken or they wake up and engage. It's an iterative process.

A good, but sadly departed, friend of mine actually managed to get a win/win agreement set up with his eldest and very wayward daughter. She admitted years later that she was unhappy and was punishing her parents for failing to understand her.

Funny what life brings up.

[Wscad]

There is some more stuff that’s gone on with teen but I need to fill you all in with the background story first. Here we go.

The rear garden is mainly pebbles, log store, shed, greenhouse. Then there is a wall, then a bridle way, horses go up and down, folk walk dogs and go into the woods.

The front garden has a lawn, hedge, border bit with various flowers including forget me knots.

Opposite our house lives a women who is a special needs teacher who works at the village primary school. Walks her dog up and down the bridleway and we have a chat from time to time.

Going back to March 2020, schools shutdown, boarders back to their guardian. Ok, no big deal.

After 3 or 4 days 30 pebbles appear on the wall near the bridle way. They have been painted black. They are 50mm apart and in a straight line.

I thought it was kids effing about and thought nothing of it. (I use effing instead of fucking cos I think it’s more polite)

3 or 4 days later, all 30 pebbles are gone. 1 week after that they are back. 50mm apart and in a straight line. This time however each and every pebble has a forget me knot painted on them.

I showed them to the special needs teacher. She took one look at them and guess what she said.

More to follow

[Potter]

happiness doesn't just come from having everything you want

I'd say you're absolutely right. Happiness does not come from material stuff, having a big house, loads of spare cash to buy whatever nonsense you want. People might say it helps, or that they couldn't do a certain lifestyle without it, but when you strip it back the happiness isn't about that at all. Depression effects everyone, from millionaires to the working man.

Happiness doesn't come from material stuff (although it helps having a nice house where the sun shines every morning).

Happiness comes from feeling like you're getting somewhere, call it satisfaction, call it success, whatever, but if you feel like you're making a bit of progress in whatever you set yourself to, then you're going to feel fulfilled to whatever degree. If you go to bed every night feeling like you've wasted your time even getting out of bed that morning, then it has the opposite effect.

Being good at what you do, usually, results in acquiring whatever material stuff takes your fancy.
It doesn't make you happy the other way around.

Is this effing normal?

Yes.

[Yambo]

Happiness can come from many different things, it's a relative concept.

Happiness can certainly come from material things just as it can come from ideas and achievements. All you need is a change from being unhappy. Many different things can bring that about.

[Count Steer]

3 or 4 days later, all 30 pebbles are gone. 1 week after that they are back. 50mm apart and in a straight line. This time however each and every pebble has a forget me knot painted on them.

I showed them to the special needs teacher. She took one look at them and guess what she said.

Turner Prize winning art installation?

[Potter]

Happiness can come from many different things, it's a relative concept.

Happiness can certainly come from material things just as it can come from ideas and achievements. All you need is a change from being unhappy. Many different things can bring that about.

Perhaps a better word then would be contentment or fulfilment?
IME lasting contentment doesn't come from material things because you just move on to the next shiny thing, it comes from feeling like you're achieving some degree of success in whatever you put your mind to, even if it's just tidying up the house or digging the garden, you have to go to bed feeling like you got something done.

[Couchy]

Happiness can come from many different things, it's a relative concept.

Happiness can certainly come from material things just as it can come from ideas and achievements. All you need is a change from being unhappy. Many different things can bring that about.

Perhaps a better word then would be contentment or fulfilment?
IME lasting contentment doesn't come from material things because you just move on to the next shiny thing, it comes from feeling like you're achieving some degree of success in whatever you put your mind to, even if it's just tidying up the house or digging the garden, you have to go to bed feeling like you got something done.

I reckon this is spot on, I spend all day in my office and whilst it earns money it’s not exactly satisfying. In our yard there’s a company that builds overland campers. They are doing an ex military unimog and it’s looking great, they had some issues with the wiring so I went over for a couple of hours with my multimeter and sorted it out. I was happier that day and felt I’d achieved something.

[Docca]

Happiness can come from many different things, it's a relative concept.

Happiness can certainly come from material things just as it can come from ideas and achievements. All you need is a change from being unhappy. Many different things can bring that about.

Perhaps a better word then would be contentment or fulfilment?
IME lasting contentment doesn't come from material things because you just move on to the next shiny thing, it comes from feeling like you're achieving some degree of success in whatever you put your mind to, even if it's just tidying up the house or digging the garden, you have to go to bed feeling like you got something done.

I reckon this is spot on, I spend all day in my office and whilst it earns money it’s not exactly satisfying. In our yard there’s a company that builds overland campers. They are doing an ex military unimog and it’s looking great, they had some issues with the wiring so I went over for a couple of hours with my multimeter and sorted it out. I was happier that day and felt I’d achieved something.

You must have been ecstatic coming down and seeing the wiring in my house then buddy


( your point and Potters are spot on IME too).

[Couchy]

Perhaps a better word then would be contentment or fulfilment?
IME lasting contentment doesn't come from material things because you just move on to the next shiny thing, it comes from feeling like you're achieving some degree of success in whatever you put your mind to, even if it's just tidying up the house or digging the garden, you have to go to bed feeling like you got something done.

I reckon this is spot on, I spend all day in my office and whilst it earns money it’s not exactly satisfying. In our yard there’s a company that builds overland campers. They are doing an ex military unimog and it’s looking great, they had some issues with the wiring so I went over for a couple of hours with my multimeter and sorted it out. I was happier that day and felt I’d achieved something.

You must have been ecstatic coming down and seeing the wiring in my house then buddy


( your point and Potters are spot on IME too).

Finding what was wrong was indeed very enjoyable, tbh I think any issues I have these days are because I don’t do enough ‘real’ work

[Count Steer]

Agree with the satisfaction of 'getting something done'.

Health is a big factor too. When you've had days where waking up and going 'Woohoo! Still alive' and going to bed saying ''Survived again ' are the days high points it changes your perspective on the joys of owning 'stuff'.

[Docca]

Not sure if I’ve posted this before, but might be useful to some

[Yambo]

Not sure if I’ve posted this before, but might be useful to some

Which one is produced by checking your 'Likes' on social media?

[Noggin]

I showed them to the special needs teacher. She took one look at them and guess what she said.

More to follow

Something about being either on the edge of 'the spectrum' or that she's not a happy kid?

[Taipan]

Agree with the satisfaction of 'getting something done'.

Health is a big factor too. When you've had days where waking up and going 'Woohoo! Still alive' and going to bed saying ''Survived again ' are the days high points it changes your perspective on the joys of owning 'stuff'.

Having spent the last 5 years suffering varying levels of pain, but always in it, I have to say at times its pretty hard to be chipper!

[Noggin]

Agree with the satisfaction of 'getting something done'.

Health is a big factor too. When you've had days where waking up and going 'Woohoo! Still alive' and going to bed saying ''Survived again ' are the days high points it changes your perspective on the joys of owning 'stuff'.

Having spent the last 5 years suffering varying levels of pain, but always in it, I have to say at times its pretty hard to be chipper!

100%.

People over here (and on FB) often say to me that I'm brave because I paste on a smile and keep on going in a positive manner.

But to me, there is no choice, so how is that brave (or inspirational is another). Just because I write/talk/seem positive, its FUCKING hard to put that smile on and seem that way. And in that, there is another straw that could tip a person over because just having to try that hard to 'seem' ok is very challenging!

I consider that I had no choice. Like Taipan, I had 5 years or so of pain, and disappointment, surgeries, knock backs etc. I'm not brave (or inspirational) - I had no choice but to pretend because I did that or I quit. Quitting seemed a bit too terminal for the sake of pretending and waiting a bit longer (and a bit longer again, and again!)

I'd go to bed with the thought of "survived again - FFS got to do that again tomorrow" - not much positive or to look forward to there!!

[Count Steer]

Agree with the satisfaction of 'getting something done'.

Health is a big factor too. When you've had days where waking up and going 'Woohoo! Still alive' and going to bed saying ''Survived again ' are the days high points it changes your perspective on the joys of owning 'stuff'.

Having spent the last 5 years suffering varying levels of pain, but always in it, I have to say at times its pretty hard to be chipper!

Yeah, I'm with you there although pain is a bit different from what I was thinking of up there^.

The thing I found with chronic pain wasn't just the pain it was lack of sleep. Like, every time you move you go Ow! and wake up. Eventually ie over a year*, the sleep deprivation does really unpleasant things to your head. Chipper doesn't come into it, I was slowly going tornado.

* I fell through a crack in the total perspective vortex when they ripped out the old IT system and put in a new one - which cost me an extra few months.

[Taipan]

Agree with the satisfaction of 'getting something done'.

Health is a big factor too. When you've had days where waking up and going 'Woohoo! Still alive' and going to bed saying ''Survived again ' are the days high points it changes your perspective on the joys of owning 'stuff'.

Having spent the last 5 years suffering varying levels of pain, but always in it, I have to say at times its pretty hard to be chipper!

Yeah, I'm with you there although pain is a bit different from what I was thinking of up there^.

The thing I found with chronic pain wasn't just the pain it was lack of sleep. Like, every time you move you go Ow! and wake up. Eventually ie over a year*, the sleep deprivation does really unpleasant things to your head. Chipper doesn't come into it, I was slowly going tornado.

* I fell through a crack in the total perspective vortex when they ripped out the old IT system and put in a new one - which cost me an extra few months.

Yes, sleep deprivation for the reasons you mention is a massive part of my life. I often sleep in my office at lunchtime, because I literally can't keep awake lol! Also because I have to, as I lose focus on what i'm doing. I know what I need to do, but can't process the action. Its beyond infuriating!

The pain I can normally manage, but at times it gets unbearable, not always because of its intensity, but because of its constant encroachment into my life. It does lead you down dark alleys as you get so fed up with enduring it. Thank God for meds!

[Noggin]

Thank God for meds!

If/when I find some that actually make any real difference to me, I'll be thanking every deity (and scientist!) I can think of!!!

Luckily I don't really need much in the way of meds now and due to lack of anything that actually worked, I'm pretty used to a level of pain as normal. I'm getting towards the normal that is what others seem to experience now (little to no pain) but bloody hell the last five years have been a challenge - not least because medics across the board just don't believe me when I say that codeine, tramadol and morphine have little to no effect on pain levels (and don't space me out to help me not care )

But when it was bad (about four years!) that was not good at all. If i'd have had one of those comfy chairs that lie back a bit and have a foot/leg support, that would have been handy!!

[Mussels]

I showed them to the special needs teacher. She took one look at them and guess what she said.

More to follow

Something about being either on the edge of 'the spectrum' or that she's not a happy kid?

Lonely comes to mind as well.
If she is on the spectrum then it helps you to know and deal with it, has anyone spoken to the school about it?