Jokes Thread

[Trinity765]

[Trinity765]

A rookie police officer pulled a biker over for speeding and had the following exchange:
• Officer: May I see your driver's license?
• Biker: I don't have one. I had it suspended when I got my 5th DUI.
• Officer: May I see the owner's card for this vehicle?
• Biker: It's not my bike. I stole it.
• Officer: The motorcycle is stolen?
• Biker: That's right. But come to think of it, I think I saw the owner's card in the tool bag when I was putting my gun in there.
Officer: There's a gun in the tool bag?
• Biker: Yes sir. That's where I put it after I shot and killed the dude who owns this bike and stuffed his dope in the saddle bags.
• Officer: There's drugs in the saddle bags too?!?!?
• Biker: Yes, sir. Hearing this, the rookie immediately called his captain. The biker was quickly surrounded by police, and the captain approached the biker to handle the tense situation:
• Captain: Sir, can I see your license?
• Biker: Sure. Here it is. It was valid.
• Captain: Who's motorcycle is this?
• Biker: It's mine, officer. Here's the registration.
• Captain: Could you slowly open your tool bag so I can see if there's a gun in it?
• Biker: Yes, sir, but there's no gun in it. Sure enough, there was nothing in the tool bag.
• Captain: Would you mind opening your saddle bags? I was told you said there's drugs in them.
• Biker: No problem. The saddle bags were opened; no drugs.
• Captain: I don't understand it. The officer who stopped you said you told him you didn't have a license, stole this motorcycle, had a gun in the tool bag, and that there were drugs in the saddle bags.
• Biker: Yeah, I'll bet he told you I was speeding, too.

[KungFooBob]

Braaaap!

[Asian Boss]

MG.jpg (41.67 KiB) Viewed 421 times

[Taipan]

[Count Steer]

LOL. My missus creased up at that.

Hmmm....

[Skub]

[Yorick]

That was nearly funny 40 years ago.

[Dodgy69]

[Demannu]

Choosing a new conservative leader is the same as picking which portaloo to use on Sunday at Glastonbury

[KungFooBob]

Naming no names.

[cheb]

From where do pedants get their water?

A well, actually.

[Horse]

From where do pedants get their water?

A well, actually.

This true.

Saw a lorry, company branding of 'Veolia water solutions'

I'd like to know what they dilute it with.

[slowsider]

From where do pedants get their water?

A well, actually.

This true.

Saw a lorry, company branding of 'Veolia water solutions'

I'd like to know what they dilute it with.

You'll figure it out. Just concentrate.

[Horse]

From where do pedants get their water?

A well, actually.

This true.

Saw a lorry, company branding of 'Veolia water solutions'

I'd like to know what they dilute it with.

You'll figure it out. Just concentrate.

I'll apply an ice pack to my head, so I can think harder

[slowsider]

This true.

Saw a lorry, company branding of 'Veolia water solutions'

I'd like to know what they dilute it with.

You'll figure it out. Just concentrate.

I'll apply an ice pack to my head, so I can think harder

Sublime idea. Watch out for the steam.

[Taipan]

[Yambo]

Kier Starmer's Dad, apparently, was a Tool Maker.

Here's a picture of one of his Dad's creations.

[Taipan]

[Dodgy69]